The best advice I have ever heard about arguing is Dale Carnegie’s wisdom:

“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it”.

Yes, that too.

But when an argument breaks out at work or at home, let go the satisfaction of having to be right if being right means that you lose or damage that relationship.

• Hurt?  Use language that expresses how you feel not how bad the other person is.  Instead of “You’re never available when I need you” try “I wish we could spend a few moments together – it would mean a lot to me”.
• Ban the word “you” and substitute the word “I”.
• Express your thoughts sincerely not with an attitude.

Some kinds of anger are appropriate and helpful.

Controlled outrage helps us express ourselves to others.

Inappropriate anger is hurtful, damaging and ineffective.

If your goal is to strike out at the other person for their part in a disagreement, keep yelling.

But if you can’t avoid an argument and want to maintain your relationship, use these rules to make the best of it.

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