Warning Signs You’re Beating Yourself Up

  1. You think everyone else is better than you
  2. Going negative before you begin
  3. You expect to lose, surprised to win
  4. It’s been a long time between pats on the back
  5. You’re asking for help from those less qualified than you

People watch how you treat yourself and often treat you the same way.

Fear of Failure

If you clicked to open this one, you can join me in the everlasting fight against the fear of failure.

We’re human – we worry – sometimes too much.

If you’ve noticed some athletes even premier Olympic athletes cannot perform if they harbor even a minor doubt in their head.

And that doubt doesn’t necessarily have to be about their ability to compete at sports, it may be something lurking inside about another issue.

Proceed when you’re ready.

Pause when you need time.

Fear thought is an emotion caused by the belief that something or someone dangerous is likely to cause pain or a threat.

Forethought is when we consider future risks, accept them and proceed on our timetable.

Failing is not what we fear, it’s the fear itself and that’s where to redirect efforts to overcoming our anxieties.

Better Relationships

Let’s be honest, the amount of time you spend with loved ones has nothing to do with the quality of your relationship together.

Couples can use that time to quarrel.

Children can use it to bargain for something else they want.

Dispel the idea that we need more time to improve our relationships.

What we need is living in the present without digital devices and focusing 100% on the other person.

A ten-minute walk when it’s just the two of you is better than a ten-hour trip where no one is focused on each other even though they have “spent a lot of time together”.

Taking the day off is unnecessary when putting your phone away and asking ten questions to your son or daughter is very effective.

Great relationships are a quilt work of thousands of magic moments.

To get better relationships in less time, ask questions, listen intently and hold your opinions.

Supreme Confidence

Name everything you’ve done wrong this week and then everything you’ve done right.

If it was easier conjuring up the wrong, time to change things.

I have my students applaud each other heartily after they present their viewpoints

Positive reinforcement is the key to sustained confidence – congratulate yourself and others because building people up, not tearing them down, increases confidence.

Trying is more important than succeeding

A .250 percentage makes a baseball player lots of money – you don’t need to succeed 100% of the time.

Assume a virtue if you have it not (Shakespeare) 

If you assume your presentation will be effective, it likely will.  If you worry about whether it will, it likely won’t.

Another word for confidence is belief.

Underminers

If someone you know wants to put you down, it’s their choice.

But don’t help them.

Use it as an opportunity to pat yourself on the back.

Don’t make their jealousies and criticism yours.

Here’s how.

Think of your head as having a memory chip in it.

When people put us down, they not only get direct access to that chip, we then help them put us down by hitting repeat over and over.

No one gets to say anything (not even compliments) directly into our head.

If it’s positive, it stays.

Only we are the ones who can hit repeat.

Those who seek to undermine us are locked out if we recognize the manipulation and refuse to let their comments seep in.

The Number of Times You Check Your Phone

On average Americans check their phones every five-and-a-half minutes or 262 times a day.

Blame code writers who are working overtime to make us stay addicted to serve more ads and keep a lock on engagement time.

FOMO (fear of missing out) drives the addiction.

40% admit to using their phones while driving – I witnessed that first hand leaving NYU on the first day of this semester when a car slammed into me at the Holland Tunnel merge, yes, the driver was on the phone.

That’s interruptions every 5.5 minutes when we work, talk to our kids and spouse, to friends, even when we’re sleeping – check this out.

Schools hand out iPads, the addiction starts.

Parents are caught between child and peers to pressure to let them have a phone.

Every second spent buried in social media or with heads down toward a digital device should be weighed against all that is being given up focused on the now.

Tomorrow’s Worries

Worrying about the future is why we are living in an age of great anxiety caused by anticipating what may not happen.

There are seemingly an endless number of tools to cut down on worry and still it plagues us.

One way to reduce worry is to limit it to what’s in front of you today and not get ahead of yourself.

Worriers are notorious for imagining tomorrow’s doom and gloom today.

Focus on today’s problems which is plenty to deal with.

Forgiveness

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.

It doesn’t always mean reconciliation.

You’re not doing it for the other person.

Forgiving is necessary for all healing starting with you.

Lingering Doubts

The moment we let even a little doubt into our mind that we can’t achieve what we set out to do, it grows.

If we keep injecting how we’re going to “kill it”, make it happen and expect success, we are paving the way.

The worst kind of sabotage is to be perfectly capable and allowing self-doubt to linger in your mind.

Confidence is not a feeling, it’s a choice.

Yes

Yes is the word you want to say the most.

Yes, I can.

Yes, I will.

Yes, I will believe in myself before everyone else does.

Yes, I will meet any challenge that matters to me.

Yes, I am fine just the way I am and it’s time to recognize it.

Embrace and accept the fine person you are.