Just setting 10-15 minutes a day to engage others in interaction can be life changing for all involved according to a group of new studies.

Becoming more focused does not require hours, but it does mean putting phones and digital devices away – it’s quality over quantity.

When a dad or mom puts the world on hold and directs it to their child it builds a sense of value greater than almost anything we can do.

Putting aside time for chats can promote a feeling of safety and it can also lessen depression in adolescents (as published in The Journal of Abnormal Psychology).

This focused one-on-one time works for adults, too – conveying positive feelings that the line of communication is more important than life’s distractions.

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For years I have been driving 200 miles round trip to New York City to teach my NYU music business classes which I love.

I use CarPlay to access Waze to check traffic, estimate time of arrival and tell me where the Jersey state troopers are looking for speeders.

Somehow the drive has been more nerve wracking than it needed to be and I’m going to share what it is – the tone of voice of my Waze sidekick navigating my trip was not very relaxing for two hours each way.

So, from a long list of options I changed Waze’s robotic voice to a laid back, over-chilled Australian “voice” named Matilda and to my surprise just hearing a calm voice in heavy traffic made all the difference.

When she said “accident up ahead”, it was so soothing, not alarming.

Got me to thinking how important it is for us to sound reassuring and calming to those around us in our everyday life because the tone of our voice matters.

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In the late 70’s Eastern Airlines introduced the slogan “We have to earn our wings every day” – the commercial worked, the company failed and was sold off.

The concept of earning what you want to accomplish every day may be generational but it is a way to never lose sight of your goals.

Good fortune doesn’t just happen, luck is a residue of design.

Staying focused on our strengths makes it easier to keep them strong.

The superpower of the shy is that they usually do more listening than talking.

Loudness is not confidence.

Fast talk is not good talk.

Assertiveness is not better than stick-to-itiveness.

Shy people often make unrealistic social comparisons, pitting themselves against the most vibrant or outgoing individuals. Believing that others are constantly evaluating them poorly, shy people abandon new social opportunities—which, in turn, prevents them from improving their social skills.

Better listeners, more thoughtful, intelligent and being more likely to think before speaking – real superpowers.

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“A lot of my stress and anxiety comes from me feeling like I’m not good enough or I am always doing something wrong”.

This is an actual student comment from my mental health for musicians class at NYU.

First, we’re all good enough.

Why are we always trying to be better when the first order of business is to accept and celebrate the good person and things we are.

Trying to get better while harboring the feeling of never being good enough is trying to improve on nothing.

You’re good enough.

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The onetime Chair of the Mayo Clinic Mind Body Initiative, Dr. Amit Sood, has a novel way for us to look at ourselves – through our pet’s eyes.

• “You are who your dog thinks you are – kind, caring, and compassionate.” 

• “Your pet does not care about your financial net worth, job, health, fame, etc. All it cares about is your love and your ability to express it. The loving you is the transcendental you that no one can rob”.

What a great way to build self-esteem on how loving we are instead of our material accomplishments.

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We humans have trained ourselves to get what we want as part of our morning routine – coffee or beverage upon awakening, bagel, eggs – our preferred wake up routine.

From a happiness point of view, adding a few other things can supercharge a day ahead.

One, the first ten people you see say this to yourself (not to them): “I wish you well”.

It rewires our brain and over time helps us to be happier and more compassionate.

Ten people – you don’t even have to know them.

Food for thought.

Try it, feel free to share it.

Young people who have been raised on digital screens will admit that one reason for not cutting the time they spend on social media is they fear it will make them lonelier.

More cutoff from people like themselves, less available.

Judging from my mental health class for the music industry at NYU there is little dispute that their phones are making them sicker.

Some workarounds:  Balance screen time with in-person time.

See the phone, not as a tool (we train ourselves to think of phones and social media as a slot machine searching for something gratifying every time we pick it up).

And our mantra is:  we are more than just a screen, an app or social media.

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Steve Jobs gave up control of Apple and got fired.

Bill Gates bundled Internet Explorer browser with Windows 95 but failed to see the importance of search engines.  Google did.

Walt Disney’s first animation company went bankrupt.  And the man who coined the term Imagineering at Disney was fired as a news editor because – believe it or not – he lacked imagination.

Vincent Van Gogh sold only one painting in his entire life.  His most expensive painting now sells for around $150 million.

The Beatles were told by their record label that “guitar groups are on the way out” and that the Beatles had no future in show business.

Thomas Edison invented the light bulb but after thousands of failures.  That’s right, thousands!  Edison eventually said, “If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward”.

Here’s basketball great Michael Jordan: “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

The proven formula for success is failure.  Failure is not permanent until you stop trying.

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People who master this take great leaps in managing their anxiety.

When worried or anxious, get busy doing other things.

Get your mind off worries and onto other things or other people.

The distraction turns out to reduce fear and accomplish things at the same time.

As Robert Louis Stevenson put it:   Keep busy at something: a busy person never has time to be unhappy.

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You hear the terms “be you” and “your best self” a lot these days but the happiest revelation is that the person you are right now is good enough.

No makeovers necessary and I am aware I’m saying this just days after many New Year’s resolutions kicked in.

If you want to be better, focus on the good, avoid trying to reinvent yourself.

I remind my mental health in the music business class at NYU to feel the power within and use it – do not be party to tearing a perfectly good person like you apart.

Happy to be back after the holiday break – hope it was a great one for you.  Feel free to share this item if you like.

I remember one Christmas eve I was working on-air in radio as a 24-inch blizzard covered the Philadelphia area.

I volunteered to work Christmas Eve and again Christmas Day because other air talent had families and wanted to be with their kids – I looked forward to that day.

But the storm was so bad the next shifts couldn’t make it to the station – or I should say stations since I worked for an AM-FM-TV company at the time.

And yes, it was before voice tracking – we were live on all three or I should say I was live as the TV booth announcer and news anchor for both radio stations.

Yet it is one of the most memorable and meaningful Christmas’ that I ever had — knowing my work friends were home with their families to see their kids open presents that Santa left.

Oh, and when relief arrived 24 full hours later, I was still awake and headed right for my car which I forgot I had to dig out of snow drifts.

Memorable indeed along with the time Marlin Taylor gave all announcers the day off to hear ourselves on his amazing and pioneering all-Christmas bonanza.

And working for the number one station in town knowing that a large audience had you on for more than just the latest “Cash Call” jackpot total.

We’ll be off until the new year, but Cheryl and I wish you every happiness for whatever your holiday plans are.

Thanks for reading DayStarters, for responding during the year to the various articles and for sharing with friends.

We send every wish for happiness!

The revelation of the year as far as I am concerned is that looking to widen our scope to add new friends is not the best way to deal with the loneliness epidemic which has impacted our world – all of us, include me in that.

Instead of looking for someone else to help us solve the problem we need to look to ourselves.

As I tell my NYU students in our stress class for musicians, do away with self-rejection and yes, be kinder, compassionate, more open and forgiving to ourselves first – then to those around us.

The gift I am giving to myself this holiday season is to be enough – good things will follow.

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“ … Remember that because of the way the human brain operates, the pursuit of compassion will make you happier than the pursuit of happiness.”

Former Mayo Clinic physician and author Dr. Amit Sood reminds us that the brain doesn’t have a default setting to “happiness”.

That it was designed to help us stay safe by anticipating things that could hurt us.

That’s why it is comforting to know we can retrain the brain and pursue compassion for others on the way to true happiness.

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What’s the first question most parents ask when their children come home with a report card that has 3 A’s and a B on it?

• What did you get the B in?
• A better question: If you want to package more motivation in one line than you could ever get from cracking a whip or lecturing about doing better, try this: Tell me all about those A’s.
• Ask about the A’s – it works for motivating people on our teams and those who have excelled at something important: How did you accomplish that?

• More often than not, they will voluntarily tell you about the “B” or about the aspects that didn’t go as well as they hoped. No need to ask. 

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“You don’t have to like your coach, but you must respect your coach.  If you’re on good terms all the time, then he’s probably not pushing your hard enough.”

That’s what Hall of Fame hockey player Mark Messier said about the NHL coach Mike Keenan, also known as “Iron Mike”.

Whether we’re parents, or employers, whether its sports or work you get the best out of your team when you push them to grow.

It’s like no pain, no gain in exercise.

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I have a student who gladly spends 7 hours a day on TikTok – yes, and she can prove it.

A year ago, I had another student who spent 6 hours a day on TikTok, tried to give it up – it lasted a week and then back on it.

The average on social media for TikTok is 93 minutes a day.  And it’s not just TikTok, it’s Instagram and other apps.

This is insane but adults have their own issues looking into their devices instead of into the eyes of others or off in the distance to the world around them.

It is possible to enjoy social media or other apps without turning into that app – what it takes is a plan to take charge of your life.

Code writers build apps to keep you glued so they can serve endless content and ads. 

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Welcoming challenges rather than seeing them as threats is “positive discomfort”.

A recent Washington Post story tells how U.S. women’s national soccer team coach Emma Hayes kept her starters in the lineup for a “grueling” 90 minutes – it looked like the team would be eliminated by sheer exhaustion.

But instead, they won the gold medal.

This is no pain, no gain on steroids.

“Fun, goofiness, humanity and cohesion” and “love”.

But one important caveat.

Before you ask others to weather discomfort, the team whether on the field or at the office must feel that you are on their side.

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We spend most of our lives working and sleeping – not necessarily in a balanced way.

Glassdoor research indicates that 65% of professionals they surveyed are feeling “stuck” in their careers.

Tech people 73%.  Women 68%.  Men 62%.

Fewer people are quitting their jobs and layoffs are spreading with and without the help of artificial intelligence.

There’s work.  There’s need to make a living.  And there are career moves.

You don’t need a survey to know when you’re feeling you’re stuck in a job – do the one thing most people do not do – trust instincts and act.

Tomorrow is not a better time – now is the best time.

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It turns out that music may be better than drugs to pep up our moods.

Clinical research shows every area of the brain responds positively to music.

In one of my NYU classes, students are asked to share “mood music” at the start of each class and tell how that selection found them.

We are more than a streaming service or a radio.

People respond positively to music.

Southwest Airlines is experimenting with adding music that plays 120 beats per minute to push passengers to board their flight faster.

The uses are endless.

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