The house across from mine is getting a new roof and as I was assessing its progress, I saw a roofer standing on the crest with his phone in hand. Yes, this experienced worker even walked never taking his eyes off his phone.

As if that high wire act wasn’t enough, a second worker removed his jacket and sat on the top of the house waiting for more shingles to be hoisted – glued to his phone.

NYU Professor Jonathan Haidt treats problematic phone use as a kind of addiction that must be managed by building strong off-screen habits — for example, creating large chunks of time during the day (or week) when devices are off, enforcing “phone-free” zones (like schools or bedrooms), and delaying or limiting social media/phone access in youth to help break the cycle.

Or as they sarcastically say on social media “You need to touch some grass.”

“If your world fits in your hand, you’ve already made it too small.”

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One of my favorite college professors was Harry Weinberg – his course was general semantics and his book was called Levels of Knowing and Existence.  I know, it seems boring but it was fascinating. I took it with my best friend Bob Donze (he got an A, I got a B but don’t remind him).

In one class, Weinberg who had suffered a stroke previously and talked with a speech impediment as a result asked the class “what color is a red light?”  We laughed and made fun of him (hope my NYU students are not reading this part).  This foolishness went on for an hour until the bell rang and he said one last time “what color is a red light?” Wait until you hear his answer.

RED.  Unless you are color blind.  His point:  by adding “to me” the light is red makes it a fact because it can be observed and verified.  To someone else, red may be a different color.

It wasn’t really about traffic lights — it was about perspective. Weinberg was teaching us that truth is not always absolute but filtered through experience. That lesson feels even more urgent now, when algorithms, echo chambers, and social feeds convince us our “red” is the only red.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” — Marcus Aurelius

DayStarters are for sharing

Some days are just impossible to get through – things go wrong, life happens, and somehow we persist. My broadcasting friends who read this know the many human problems that they have had to overcome to rise above sadness and make the show go on. Here’s one that motivates me from Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers):

“My greatest challenge?  I suppose to walk through the door and sing ‘It’s A Beautiful Day in this Neighborhood’ when I have had a real sadness in my life. I had to go to Miami one hour after my father’s funeral because they were having a Mister Rogers Day there that could not be cancelled. We had 23 fifteen-minute performances in one day. I had to sing ‘It’s A Beautiful Day in this Neighborhood’ for each one of them.”

Even in the hardest moments, he chose presence over pain — a reminder that showing up with kindness can be its own kind of healing.

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I asked one of my classes what they would do if they were stranded on a deserted island with no food but they could have either Spotify or TikTok, not both.  You see, I wanted to find out which music app they really like best.  After all, it’s a music business class.

One asked where can they charge their phones on this island – see how practical they are? I said you get to crank a box for 20 minutes to get 20 minutes of battery time.  One student said, she would probably choose Spotify because it would allow her to get over her TikTok addiction (moms and dads, it’s 93 minutes a day among American users).

More importantly, I am getting a sense with this new crop of students starting school in the Fall that they are very aware of the dangers of being too connected and want to do something about it.

By the way, 12 chose Spotify, 10 chose TikTok and almost everyone wanted to find a way to reign in social media app use – a positive thing.

It’s a spirit of wanting to use connection thoughtfully rather than letting it control them. Billy Cox, best known for performing with Jimi Hendrix says “Technology should improve your life… not become your life.” 

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What to do when the world seems unable to focus and we are beginning to believe we’re talking to ourselves.  Last week as my wife and I were driving down a country road, a truck was coming at us as it drifted way over the center line, the driver looking down not at the road – hitting the horn helped the distracted driver look up just in time.  He made a gesture toward me.

No, not that gesture but a waving of the hand, a thank you for helping to avoid what surely would have been a messy accident.

We know not to text and drive. But somehow, it is becoming more difficult to focus. Driving of only a dramatic way we’re increasingly distracted.  One way is to stop looking past now to tomorrow, beyond this moment to the future. Keep focus on the now and today.

When you look to the future you’re dreaming and hoping.  That’s why author Eckhart Tolle advises “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the now the primary focus of your life.”

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It turns out we are not likely to have any shortage of friends in our lives, we’re just missing the right one.  Especially among younger adults there seems to be an outbreak of self-sabotage – attacking ourselves when no one else will do it.

The most important relationship is the one with yourself.  Get that wrong, let it slide, demean it and there’s likely trouble with relationships with others. I don’t know whether it’s the COVID lockdown or the challenging world in which we live but we’re not paying attention to the most important relationship.

Negative self-talk is often harsher than what others say. Self-compassion is not indulgence; it’s maintenance for every other relationship.

As the saying goes “I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.”

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I saw an article recently that got me at “Your brain sort of wakes up like wet cement,”

a phrase behavioral scientist Zelana Montminy author of Finding Focus used to illustrate why checking our phones when we wake up is baking in an unhappy day.

Yes, exactly – and I still do it.  But doing it less is apparently also good taking off a few minutes a day until it makes a difference.

This semester, my NYU college students don’t even have to be reminded to turn their mobile devices off and stow them out of sight, they want to.  And you see the benefits in class engagement and happier interactions.

It’s not reasonable in a digital world to take away someone’s phone all day, but spending more time focused on now is beneficial. And as school districts begin to silence phones during the academic day, there is an increase in checking out library books.

“That phone in your pocket is like a slot machine. Every time you check it, you’re pulling the lever to see if you get a reward.” — Tristan Harris on 60 Minutes.

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In the third class of the fall semester one of my classes surprised me by turning off their digital devices before being prompted – I think in part, because they know they need a break.

A low-key day to recharge, break from noise, stress or constant contact with friends and through social media.  I felt the same way – it’s so good to be focused on one important thing or nothing.

The average TikTok user spends 96 minutes a day on the app and watching TV was the leisure and sports activity that occupied the most time (2.6 hours per day) accounting for over half of all leisure time, on average (5.1 hours per day) according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Giving full attention to one thing or nothing can be deeply satisfying:  “Wherever you are, be there totally.” — Eckhart Tolle.

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If you really want people to be honest with you, they have to feel safe as if they can expect your approval and acceptance for telling you the truth.  That means no judging.

When people expect criticism, dismissal, or disapproval, they will either retreat into silence or tell you only what they think you want to hear. But when they know they’ll be met with openness, empathy, and respect — even if their truth is uncomfortable — they are far more likely to trust you enough to share it. In that way, non-judgment isn’t weakness; it’s the foundation of genuine connection.

Billy Joel’s Honesty is about the rarity and value of truth in relationships. One of its famous lines is “Honesty is such a lonely word” implying that when there is honesty, there must be a foundation (lack of judgment, acceptance) to support it.

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Finding out this semester that the doom and gloom news about the world, their futures and potential job availability is weighing heavier on young people – in fact, all of us.

I like to think of times like this to embark on a Gratitude Tour – keying on something positive that we are grateful for and acknowledging it.  I’m seeing pessimism for the first time among young people who should otherwise be looking forward to their future.

People need to hear that every generation has faced turbulence, but within turbulence lies opportunity. They are not powerless — they’re entering an age of reinvention.  In a world drowning in bad news, a daily dose of gratitude can reset perspective and build resilience.

Fred Rogers had a way of finding light in dark news:  “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

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