We want to make others proud of us and we usually do this by trying to be an achiever.  We work hard to do it often at the expense of our relationship with others and our own well-being.  But we have it backwards.  Those who love us are attracted to who we are not what we achieve and not what we’ve done lately.

Searching for love by achievement is like chasing your tail, a never-ending circle that misses the point:  The more you get in that obsessive pattern of trying to achieve the love of others, the more it eludes us.

Achievement has value. It helps us grow, contribute, and provide. But it was never meant to become the measure of our worth.

Real love doesn’t keep score.  It doesn’t ask what you’ve accomplished lately. It asks who you are.

“Love is about being, not doing” – Arthur Brooks

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Face it, most of us spend a lifetime trying to avoid pressure — feeling anxious, overwhelmed or stretched, something must be wrong.

U.S. Men’s National Team captain Tim Ream sees it differently As the United States prepared to open the 2026 FIFA World Cup on home soil, Ream reminded his younger teammates that they were experiencing something few athletes ever will. Instead of focusing on the enormous expectations, he urged them to appreciate the moment.

Ream also acknowledged the obvious: pressure comes with opportunity. The challenge wasn’t to eliminate the pressure—it was to keep it in perspective and recognize the privilege of being there.  That lesson extends far beyond sports.

The presentation you’re nervous about. The business you’re trying to build. The child you’re raising. The class you’re teaching. The family member you’re caring for. They all bring pressure because they matter but years from now, you probably won’t remember the anxiety nearly as vividly as you’ll remember having the chance.

Pressure often feels heavy in the moment but looking back, it frequently becomes one of life’s greatest privileges.

“Pressure is a privilege.” — Billie Jean King

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We humans are deeper than who we think we are and what we do for a living according to “happiness professor” Arthur Brooks.  For example, I may be an entertainer and a professor and what I do (teach and inform or entertain) may be more specific.  But according to Brooks it’s the why that really defines us.  Why do I teach?  Why have I spent a lifetime informing and entertaining – to help people and to make them happy.

The values that motivate your work long after the excitement of a promotion, paycheck, or title has faded.  Lasting happiness is built on enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning, with meaning coming from a sense of purpose that transcends simple achievement.

Instead of asking, “What do I do?” ask, “Why do I do it?”.  Your title may change several times over a lifetime. Your deeper purpose rarely does. And in the end, it is that purpose—not your business card—that tells the truest story of who you are.  As many entertainers know when they are laid off from their jobs, they feel and sense of uselessness instead of a state of being between jobs — it’s why we do what we do that defines us and brings happiness.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.'” — Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (quoting Nietzsche).

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Former baseball superstar Cal Ripken Jr. is part of the ownership group that purchased the Baltimore Orioles in 2024. While he isn’t running day-to-day baseball operations, he is involved as an owner and ambassador.

Ripken uses the phrase “never beat yourself” as a philosophy, not a slogan.  Here’s what it means.

• Don’t compound your mistakes — He explains that after an error, players often panic and make another one because they’re mentally replaying the first. His father’s advice was simple: “Take your time. Don’t panic.” — the key is to refocus on what’s next instead of punishing yourself for the last mistake.
• Learn from failure — but don’t live in it — Review mistakes honestly, extract the lesson, then move on. Self-criticism that doesn’t improve tomorrow’s performance is wasted energy.

• Confidence comes from preparation, not self-talk – Practice — not positive thinking alone allowed him to recover. He’s not saying ignore errors. He’s saying acknowledge them without attacking yourself personally.

Own your mistakes, learn from them, then stop carrying them. A mistake or opponent only gets one chance to beat you — don’t give them a second by beating yourself first.

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Some of our best ideas happen in the shower but why is that?  Because we don’t have our phones distracting us.  We are free to solve problems and conjure up just about anything while we are soaping up.

Jonathan Schooler, one of the pioneers in the scientific study of mind-wandering, consciousness, and creativity has found that periods of undirected thought often foster creative insight because the brain can make connections that focused attention may miss.

If you’re doing nothing at all, you’re more likely to reach for your phone. If you’re doing something mentally demanding, there’s no room for creative wandering. The shower sits in the sweet spot.

The shower creates the conditions for better ideas. It temporarily disconnects us from the constant stream of digital interruptions, gives our brains a moderately engaging routine, activates the default mode network, and allows unrelated memories and concepts to collide in novel ways. That’s why so many breakthrough ideas seem to arrive while we’re shampooing instead of scrolling.

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” — that gem comes from Blaise Pascal all the way back in 1670 (apparently distraction has long been a problem before smartphones).

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The happiness professor Arthur Brooks has a new book out — The Meaning of Your Life.

Happiness is important, but meaning is what sustains a life.  Modern life has become very good at making us comfortable but very poor at helping us answer the question, “Why am I here?” explaining much of today’s anxiety, loneliness, and dissatisfaction despite unprecedented wealth and convenience.

• Pleasure isn’t enough – It fades quickly. A meaningful life lasts because it is built on purpose rather than constant enjoyment.
• Stop chasing happiness directly — Happiness is the byproduct of living well—not something you can pursue head-on.
• Technology crowds out reflection — Constant stimulation—phones, social media, endless content—leaves little room for contemplation. Boredom and silence are necessary because they allow us to wrestle with life’s biggest questions.
• Meaning comes from four sources — Enduring love, purposeful work or service, spiritual or transcendent experiences, and a coherent story about your own life. You don’t have to be religious, but you need something larger than yourself.

A successful life isn’t measured by how happy you feel today, but by whether your life answers the question, “Why does what I’m doing matter?”

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Moments after Canada earned its first-ever FIFA World Cup finals victory, a dominant 6-0 win over Qatar, the celebration stopped when Ismaël Koné suffered a broken leg following a challenge.

Instead of bitterness, teammates rallied around him. Substitute Nathan Saliba celebrated his goal by holding up Koné’s jersey while Koné later posted a message thanking God, his teammates and supporters: “I’ll recover and be back making memories with my brothers.” It’s a reminder that character often reveals itself after success is interrupted.

The World Cup may crown one champion, but it showcases countless examples of resilience, gratitude, family and teamwork—qualities that endure long after the final whistle.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
— Martin Luther King Jr

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Jay Wright is the legendary former head coach of the Villanova Wildcats who profoundly shaped Jalen Brunson’s basketball career, mentoring him through a highly decorated four-year collegiate stint. Under Wright, Brunson won two NCAA National Championships (2016, 2018), earned consensus National Player of the Year honors, and developed the mental toughness that propelled him to an NBA Championship and Finals MVP with the New York Knicks.

The Wright way wasn’t a secret offensive system. It was a disciplined philosophy built around habits, humility and self-control that Brunson still credits today.

The principle Brunson mentions most often is Wright’s constant reminder to control only what you can control.

Rather than worrying about officials, opponents, statistics or public criticism, Wright taught him to focus relentlessly on preparation, effort and attitude.

Wright believes Brunson’s greatest strengths were never athletic gifts. They were habits: emotional discipline, daily consistency, humility, accountability and an obsession with controlling what he could control. Those lessons helped transform an undersized second-round draft pick into one of the NBA’s premier leaders and champions.

“Controlling your attitude, controlling your effort, those are the things you can control… That’s how we ended huddles, that’s how we started games, practices. It’s kind of what his motto was.” 

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Often unmentioned is the stress we carry around that other people give to us – not to be hurtful but because they are hurting and they need us to listen.

Compulsive complaining and hopeless talking can drag us down with those we care about.  That’s why putting a stop/loss on negative talk is important.

Listening and absorbing are not the same thing.

You can be compassionate without becoming a storage locker for someone else’s anxiety. Being there for people we care about doesn’t require carrying their burdens as our own. We can listen, support and encourage without absorbing every worry, complaint or fear. The healthiest relationships involve empathy with boundaries.

Otherwise, we risk becoming emotionally exhausted trying to solve problems that aren’t ours to solve. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves — and even for others — is to gently redirect endless complaining toward solutions, action or acceptance.

The goal is to avoid turning their stress into your stress.

The more we hear a hopeless narrative, the more likely we are to adopt it ourselves. That’s why protecting our mental environment isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.

Louise Hay authored You Can Heal Your Life in 1984 with wisdom that still rings true today:  “You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

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We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to someone we love.

Being kind to ourselves is so important but it’s often easier to focus on being kind to others.  To be kind to others, we must be kinder to ourselves first.  The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself.

I’ve been around enough college students to know how important it is to them to be nice to the ones they care for the most.  Often, they neglect themselves.

Many of us have an inner voice that is harsher than any critic we will ever encounter. We readily forgive mistakes in friends, encourage them when they struggle and remind them of their strengths when they lose confidence. Then we turn around and deny ourselves the same grace.

Real self-kindness isn’t self-indulgence or lowering standards — it’s treating ourselves with the same patience, understanding and encouragement we so willingly offer to others.

Kristin Neff is one of the world’s leading researchers on self-compassion:

“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend”.

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