No Time Like the Present

I started my first business during a bad recession, a weekly publication for the radio industry.  Then I took it daily in a recession.  I started the publication I currently own (Inside Music Media) in a – you guessed it – recession.

I’m not that smart, but I have smart friends one of whom reassured me that the best time to start a new business is when everyone else is retreating.  That took a lot more guts than I thought I had.  I mention this because the new CEO of Zillow said he started there in 2009 on the tail of the real estate inspired recession during the subprime crisis – this guy Jeremy Wacksman is different.  The wildest thing he’s ever seen for sale on Zillow is a missile silo.  Nonetheless.

Start that thing (whatever it is) in spite of downturns or bad timing not because of them or as LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman puts it “If you’re going to start a company, you might as well do it when things are tough. That’s when everyone else is giving up.”

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Left to Your Own Devices

Before class students come in, sit down and text.  When class starts, I ask them to power down and stow digital devices and they rapidly adapt to in-person.  We take five minutes or so to talk to each other – me too! Yes, they get up to use the bathroom (My two classes are each an hour and forty minutes) and yes, they check their phones (in the hall before returning).

When class ends, they pull out their phones as they exit the room often leaving behind their coats and water bottles and even expensive Stanley Cups!  We have great in-class discussions and students often thank me for asking them to turn their phones off (in front of other students most of whom agree).

What I learned:  you can’t ask someone to give up the phone if you are not willing to offer them something of equal value.  Something interesting.  Something social with others. Maybe something surprising.

I am thinking about this a lot as I prepare to return for the fall semester and as I digest the latest research which shows we humans spend 50% of our waking hours on digital devices – that’s not good, not healthy and requires ways to wean ourselves back to real life.

In a TED Talk in 2012 MIT Professor Sherry Turkle highlighted how devices change our social expectations—and why in-person conversation is the higher-value offer: “We expect more from technology and less from each other.”

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Time Spent Worrying

47% of Americans feel they are in a constant state of worry with the average person spending more than two hours a day worrying.  Younger Gen Z and millennials worry even more – 62% reporting perpetual worry.  Talker Research did the study for Avocado Green Mattress who believes worry affects sleep.

I was a Dale Carnegie Course instructor for 11 years and dealing with fear and worry is nothing new.  The remarkable thing is almost all worries never happen and the rare ones that do don’t happen the way we fear.  I’ve come to look at worry as something we add on to existing worries or absorb from those around us that activate fear.

Worry feels urgent, but it rarely reflects reality. It’s more a reaction to uncertainty than a useful response to actual danger.

Radio personality Earl Nightingale with that deep voice of his had it right:  “Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due.”

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Saving Time

Alan Lakein, is the author of personal time management book How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life.

He’s big on planning (“Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now.Failing to plan is planning to fail.”)

He lists 61 ways he saves time – here’s a sampling:

  • #7 — I remind myself:  “There is always enough time for the important things”.  If it’s important I will make the time to do it.
  • #16 – I’ve given up forever all “wait time”.  If I have to wait, I consider it a “gift of time” to relax, plan or do something I would not otherwise have done.
  • #27 – I do first things first.
  • #31 – I ask myself, “Would anything terrible happen if I didn’t do this priority item”.  If the answer is no, I don’t do it.
  • #61 – I’m continually asking myself:  “What is the best use of my time right now”

I love Lakein’s famous quote:

“Time = Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life”.

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Tough Love

Some of our young people today are pretty tough on themselves – they want to be better, because they don’t believe they are good enough.  I see it in academics, as friends – it’s a seemingly impossible task.

One of my music business students confessed that she needs to do better, that she is not performing at her capable level but the problem with thinking like this is you can’t get to better until you will admit you are good enough.  It’s an endless frustration process of always trying to be better – better than what?

You can’t truly grow until you believe you’re starting from a place of worth. You have to believe you are enough before you can become more. Otherwise, “better” becomes a moving target—always out of reach, always just a little farther away. And no matter how much progress you make, it never feels like enough. Growth is not about fixing something broken. It’s about building on something valuable.

As Tiny Buddha founder Lori Deschene puts it “We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.”

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Friends at Work

Only 43% of remote workers say they have close friends vs. 69% who go into the office according to an ezCater study designed to get more people to return to the office.

80% say having friends makes them more engaged and collaborative.

44% would like food perks, 86% would be tempted with daily or weekly meals.

Many employers don’t consider the expense of childcare that becomes an increasing post-COVID burden if they are forced to return to an office and lose family flexibility.

95% in one survey said more money would be the ticket for them.

“Having a best friend at work boosts employee engagement by 50%.” (Gallup)

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Striking Down Negative Self-Talk

Here’s how Mayo Clinic would like you to reframe the way you talk to accent the positive and eliminate the negative.

Negative self-talk Positive thinking
I’ve never done it before. It’s an opportunity to learn something new.
It’s too complicated. I’ll tackle it from a different angle.
I don’t have the resources. Necessity is the mother of invention.
I’m too lazy to get this done. I couldn’t fit it into my schedule, but I can re-examine some priorities.
There’s no way it will work. I can try to make it work.
It’s too radical a change. Let’s take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me. I’ll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I’m not going to get any better at this. I’ll give it another try.

We live in a world of negativity so some of our unhelpful self-talk is adopted by osmosis but this list attacks some main issues.  The brain is designed to keep us safe – an alert system to beware of danger.  What it is not is a happiness organ or even a data bank of positivity.

Author Louise Hay who wrote:  “You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

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Sleep Number

Turns out one in four Americans would pay an average of $290 for a good night’s sleep.

That survey surprised me for a second before I looked for where I could sign up.

Seventy million suffer from a sleep disorder, so you do the math.

The most popular position to fall asleep was on your side (37%), yet most people agreed the best quality of sleep occurred when they slept on their backs.  About a third of those surveyed (32%) needed the TV on to fall asleep and most lull themselves to bed with 15-minutes on the phone before going nite nite (and we wonder why we can’t sleep?).

Here’s a free tip underwritten by no mattress company:  keep a consistent sleep schedule. Maybe a good laugh:  Hemmingway’s advice, “I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake …”

There’s an anonymous quote widely-referenced in Arianna Huffington’s The Sleep Revolution — There are two types of people in this world: those who can fall asleep instantly, and those who hate them.”

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The Urge to Quit

The urge to quit is strongest right before a breakthrough – that’s the best reason to keep going, something good and better is getting ready to happen.

Napoleon Hill says “Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.”

Thomas Edison who failed thousands of times inventing the light bulb said “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

The idea of failing again can feel worse than stopping and never knowing.  People quit when they are tired and are no longer able to see their own goals but cultivating the ability to see them vividly in your mind’s eye can help reframe failure as “learning” not a final judgement.

You didn’t come this far to only come this far or as Nelson Mandela famously said: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

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You-niversity

Have you seen the stats on how the high cost of education these days does not produce an actual financial return on investment?  A Georgetown study from 30% of America’s colleges shows that half the students earn less in ten years after graduating than someone with a high school diploma.  I guess when colleges like Harvard ($80,000 a year) and Vanderbilt ($100,000) are driving tuitions up, ROI is suffering.

But there is another side.  How happy are graduates?  What kind of a life do they lead?  Suddenly the cost is outweighing potential non-financial benefits.  I didn’t want to go to college. I just wanted to be on the radio.  I told my father, djs don’t need college.  He said you will be the smartest dj on radio.  Thank God I listened.  My best friend Bob Donze had me talk to his Italian father and convince him that mine was actually going to allow me to take radio and television in college – one they could afford.  We went to Temple together.

In a world pressed with anxiety, unhappiness, stress and addictions, you would think that being happy would be the first prerequisite in choosing a career.  Then make the most prudent financial position your situation allows.

A Nobel prize winner Angus Deaton nailed it:  “There is surprisingly little relationship between how much education you have and how happy you are.”

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Life After Death

Maybe you’re like me and have some people very much in your life who have passed on.  I can think of two people I think about almost every day.

Jim Weinraub is a friend from my days at Dale Carnegie – in addition to good humor and friendship he gave me the concept of seeing what I aspire to so vividly in my mind’s eye that it drives me to succeed.  He often said money is not one of those pictures.

Wynn Etter was the sponsor of Dale Carnegie Courses in Cherry Hill, NJ and he was always joyful, cheerful, motivational and inspirational – always.  Even in his last days suffering from cancer when I asked him how he was doing, he somehow said “fine” and changed the topic to me.  Try changing it back to him and he wouldn’t let you.  He brought positive energy into the room and today I think of him every week before I teach that these students deserve some positive uplifting discourse.

The Tuesdays with Morrie author Mitch Albom says “Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship.”

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Survey Fatigue

Almost two-thirds of Fortune 100 companies use Net Promoter Score (NPS) to poll customer satisfaction and maybe you’re like me – I have had enough surveys.  Apple founder Steve Jobs hated them.  He believed that customers couldn’t envision something new until they experienced it.  But Apple does satisfaction surveys after the point of sale.

When you’re really pleased with something you can’t help but say it.  If not, there’s Yelp.  Making people feel good whether it’s about a product or a service or even a relationship is the ultimate survey.  We like to feel good about things – smart, intrigued, valued.

Back in 1925 Harry Overstreet, author of Influencing Human Behavior may have hit the nail on the head proving we’re overthinking again:  “People will sit up and take notice of you if you will sit up and take notice of what makes them feel important.”

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Truth or Lie

81% lie on their resume to help them get a job according to AI Resume Builder.

Gen Z admits to lying 5x more than Boomers.  Men 2 times more than women.  Things like when they were employed in previous jobs (39%) and experience (36%). Only 21% say they have regrets.  When it comes to lying, it is a preferred technique for getting a leg up on employment.

Some companies have zero tolerance – a fireable offensive if caught or as global staffing firm Robert Half’s Paul McDonald says “A resume lie is like a bad tattoo—sooner or later, you’ll regret it, and it’s a lot harder to remove than it was to get.”

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Hello, Goodbye!

After living in my neighborhood for 13 years, my wife and I finally got to meet one neighbor we hadn’t met.  The conversation was pleasant, genuinely enjoyable and accidental as it happened by chance outside.

But at the end our neighbor who was a real estate agent said “if you ever want to sell your house, call me”.  Maybe I’m over sensitive and I am sure they did not mean anything by it but a verbal calling card about leaving the neighborhood was at the very least bad timing.

It reminds me how important it is to make people feel welcome, to generate positive vibes.  I’m not selling my house and I haven’t seen my new acquaintance since, but I’m ready to roll out the welcome mat.  Making people feel like you are excited to see them is a gift that we are all capable of giving.

The lasting power of kindness, warmth, and making someone feel truly welcome is summed up so well by Maya Angelou:  “… people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

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An Overnight Success

 Fred Smith died last week.  He conceived of and founded the overnight delivery concept that turned the shipping company into a huge success worth $5 billion to him at the time of his death.

Smith came up with the idea for FedEx in a college paper at Yale anticipating that an automate economy would need fast, reliable door-to-door package delivery services.  What an idea that now employs a half million workers and ships more than 17 million packages on average each day.

But his Yale professor was not impressed in 1965.  He only got a C for his paper.  And that’s the thing that good professors come to learn – their students know better than they do. And that’s the reason for education.  If Smith had been deterred by his middling grade, this groundbreaking idea would have died in class which is why you never let someone else grade your vision or tell you what will work or won’t work.

Grades are merely academic tools to measure learning.  David Epstein in Range said “The greatest ideas often look like failures at first — even to the smartest people in the room.”

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Worker Interruption

I was shocked, kinda, sorta, no not really when I saw that a Microsoft study showed that during business hours we get interrupted every 2 minutes by a message, notification or meeting … and meetings?  The number booked between 8-12mid is up over 16% over the previous year.  One of the biggest interrupters is meetings of which 60% are unscheduled or “as needed”.

It’s shocking – 40% are reading email at 6am, glad I’m a broadcasting night owl.  Let’s not get into how many emails we read each day – you already don’t like that number.

Gloria Mark, a leading expert on attention and digital distraction, and author of Attention Span: A Groundbreaking Way to Restore Balance, Happiness and Productivity (2023) comes to this conclusion:

“We found that people spend an average of 47% of their time on digital devices in a state of attention residue—thinking about something other than what they’re currently doing.”

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French Disconnection

France introduced a “right to disconnect” into law in August 2016, which came into effect on January 1, 2017 – I want what they’re having.

Employers can’t punish workers for not responding to emails, calls, or texts outside of agreed working hours.  It’s not an absolute ban, but you can’t be punished for not responding.  We at NYU voluntarily try to email each other during business hours except for emergencies just as part of being considerate.

My friend, the outstanding Editor in Chief of Radio World Paul McLane puts a note at the end of some emails that says in part “while I may email you now, I do not expect a response if it is outside your working hours.”

When the French minister of education advocated for passage of this law, he said “Employees physically leave the office, but they do not leave their work. They remain attached by a kind of electronic leash — like a dog.” 

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He Shoots, He Scores!

There’s something about ice hockey that is fascinating.  Take the newly-crowned Stanley Cup Champion Florida Panthers, the nastiest team in the sport.  They led the league in penalty minutes.  They intimidate the hell out of competitors and they just won their second cup in a row.

But here’s where it gets interesting – the Captain, Aleksander Barkov took possession of the cup from the commissioner but unlike last year, Barkov told his team the new players who weren’t on that championship squad would get to do the traditional skate-around first. Even (and especially) the teammates who did not get into any playoff game.

To me that is what being a captain or for that matter a leader is – inclusionary, determined, about doing the right thing.  After the newcomers went first, the rest of the team celebrated their second win.

Insisting someone else go ahead of you is the residue of leadership that inspires.

Simon Sinek, author of Leaders Eat Last says “Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.”

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Strike Four!

Inner Excellence author Jim Murphy was once a baseball player in the Chicago Cubs organization where he learned a lot about failure in a career cut short by vision issues:

“…my sense of worth and identity revolved around my performance, mostly my batting average. When I hit well, I walked tall and felt great. When I hit poorly, my shoulders slumped and my outlook was dark. Life was a roller coaster of emotions. I was a slave to results and it stifled my performance. I was afraid of failure and that fear kept putting my mind in the past and future”.

In other words, you perform better when your sense of self isn’t hostage to outcomes.

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10% Happier

Back in 2004 Good Morning America’s Dan Harris was reading a newscast when he had a panic attack on camera – he felt like he was dying in front of millions of viewers.

It may have stemmed from war zone assignments in Iraq and Afghanistan and the self-medicating that followed his depression later learning that drug use was a trigger to his panic attacks.

Today Harris is grateful for the panic attack because it exposed deeper issues he was avoiding and launched his unexpected journey into mindfulness and now like everyone else, he has a podcast – 10% Happier minus psychobabble and loaded with common sense.

He offers tiny wins—like noticing you’re being a jerk before it gets out of control. And that’s the essence of being “10% happier.”

Harris doesn’t sugarcoat his advice:  “The voice in your head is an asshole. If you don’t know that voice, it’s probably running your life.”

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