If you’ve seen the video of Baltimore Ravens’ star Ray Rice clocking his soon-to-be wife in an Atlantic City hotel elevator, you’ve got to ask – why did she go through with the marriage.

Even as the NFL scrambles to contain the outbreak of player violence and criminal behavior, Jenay Rice just wants everyone to leave them alone.

With domestic abuse, you really don’t get to be left alone because no one has a license to hit, hurt or abuse another person.

These are complicated issues from players whose families may not have always provided the tools to respect another person’s being.

Some thoughts:

1. Research shows verbal abuse is as painful as physical abuse and should be dealt with as the offense that it is.
2. Denying violent acts in a partner or spouse can be deadly.
3. A world in which violence is accepted and even championed (i.e., computer games) desensitizes people who get too used to hitting the reset button after fantasy play.  We get no reset button in life.
4. Drugs and alcohol exacerbate violent behavior and should not be considered excuses for physical or psychological abuse.

This scandal does not apply to just a group of elite athletes.

Psychologists tell us that one out of four children are abused by an adult.

Spousal abuse is ramping out of control.

Verbal abuse, shaming and cyberbullying is a real epidemic in our digital world.

Every man who has a mother, a sister, a wife or a daughter should know better than to hit or hurt a woman.

I had a girlfriend who attended not one but two semesters of therapy by an outstanding group called Women Against Rape.  I attended the boyfriend/spouse sessions simultaneously.

What we learned is that rape is a crime of violence not sex.

The takeaway is more apparent every day as Vikings running back Adrian Peterson is subsequently arrested for child abuse.

Love not hate.

Compassion not violence.

Communication not silence.