I once asked a psychologist how long it takes to overcome grief from losing a loved one and he said, “It takes as long as it takes as long as your grief doesn’t interfere with going on with life”.

In other words, grief becomes loss and loss can become a permanent sad place.

But there is help.

1. Surround yourself with happy memories – pictures, letters, cookbooks.  I have inherited my mother’s Italian recipes and I feel reunited with her again when I carry on to make Italian Sunday “gravy”.  It will never be as good as hers, but somehow I feel connected in a happy way.  We’re in the kitchen together.
2. Make the person you lost a part of the life in which you are moving on.  My best friend died suddenly two years ago.  He was like an older brother to me, but I am not overstating it when I say there isn’t a day that I don’t say his name, quote his wisdom to those around me or marvel at his human relations. (There, I’ve done it again!)
3. For those who had a questionable or even hurtful relationship with a loved one who is now departed, guilt is not an option.  Trek to the cemetery and have the talk you always wanted to have with that difficult person.  They can’t answer back.  It’s all about you getting your feelings out.  A good thought is that they are in a better place now and would probably be sorry for any pain they caused you in this life and wish the best for you going forward.
4. And if you are religious, this thought from a clergyman:  now you have someone else to pray to for help and guidance.

Our time on this earth is finite.

What we do with it is infinite.

Entering this new “relationship” with a loved one who is dearly departed is a positive and loving substitute for never ending grief.