Lessons from a Cancer Survivor

I was honored to work as an instructor for Wynn Etter, a Dale Carnegie sponsor in Cherry Hill, NJ.

Wynn was a force to be reckoned with – a ball of enthusiasm and positivity.  A man who could lift your spirits within the first two sentences out of his mouth.

He often could sense when I had doubts and he would say, “you can do it, tiger”.

Me a tiger?  I guess so if this force of nature thinks so.

Wynn came down with cancer later in life.

All through his treatment which went on for many years, Wynn lived an exemplary life of a person who had to deal with adversity while remaining positive.

How?

He always made it about you.

I would say “How are you feeling Wynn?”

“Great, tell me about your book, Jerry” and he’d be off and running to avoid sulking, sorrow and sympathy.

He lived for years, joined a gym for the first time when he was 65 and taught me by his example that helping others lift their spirits had the simultaneous effect of lifting his.

Wynn died a few years back but as you can read today, he’s very much alive in me.

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The Number One Thing People Crave

Not money – money is nice, amazingly people want and need  it but don’t crave it.

Not lots of friends – yes, friends are important but the number isn’t compelling.

Good health? – certainly, it is hoped for, expected and appreciated but people only seem to crave good health when they are faced with grave illness.

Power?  It’s a drug, wears off quickly and needs to be constantly fed.

The number one thing people crave is compassion.

Sympathy, pity, concern for their problems and sorrows.

And in the end, we do, too.

The perfect gift that makes people crave you is the ability to treat them with compassion.

Listen, relate, feel the pain and connect.

Since we know this is universally true, developing our ability to be compassionate toward others should be our main mission at work, at home and with ourselves.

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The Fountain of Youth

Exercise, diet, cosmetics, fashion – these are frequently employed ways to beat getting older.

Many of my college students think their 30’s will be the decade that all things good will happen.

For everyone else, it’s turn back the clock somehow, some way.

But it’s not numbers or workarounds that constitute the fountain of youth.

It’s enthusiasm.

Never outgrow your zest for enthusiasm.

Or as Henry David Thoreau put it “None are so old as those who have outlived their enthusiasm”.

At any age.

We can become more enthusiastic when we are more devoted to be grateful for all that we have not just that which we want.

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Growing Stronger

Strength isn’t a show of force.

It’s for lifting other people up and for helping sustain you through the challenges of life.

Strong people give power away.

Strong people use their power to help others get along better.

Strength is used to make sure everyone is heard – the number one need of humanity.

It is easy to confuse force for strength but strength is a tool to enable others not celebrate yourself.

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Zombie Eating

88% of adults stare at a screen while eating with or without children or other adults in their presence.

The average eater will check their screen twice during a meal and only have two meals without staring at a screen each week.

91% watch TV while eating a meal or snack, 49% watch TV and eat on a regular basis.

Why such destructive habits?

The survey conducted by Pretzel Crisps of 2,000 adults blames zombie eating on sending or receiving emails (50%).

48% scroll through social media.

37% watch YouTube videos.

36% focus on work-related activities.

Only 3 meals a week are consumed at the kitchen, 79% on the couch, 64% standing at the kitchen counter, 61% in bed and 48% on the floor.

If this is you, your phone is living your life. Becoming more social and interacting with others in present company, becoming the master of your device is a way to promote good relationships.

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When Something Goes Wrong

There are two options.

Panic, deny and run.

Or rise to the task.

  1. Believing that every problem is an opportunity changes the way the brain is wired.
  2. Being committed to be big, act decisively and without fear is a rehearsal for overcoming the problem.
  3. Expecting to deal with the problem as long as it takes makes a formidable opponent.

Most people get uprooted when something goes wrong.

Imagine what happens if you are ready to respond before something goes wrong.

Less fear, no denial and never panic.

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A New Way to Reduce Stress

90% of a person’s health is due to their own decisions about lifestyle.

Only 10% is genetics.

That means the lion’s share of our good health is in our hands.

Same for problems.

Stressing out how to deal with problems is unnecessary because the ability to solve what’s ailing us is heavily favored in our hands.

Worry is useless and yet it is the single most significant factor for stress.

99.9% of what we worry about never happens and in the off chance that it does, it rarely happens the way we fear.

The numbers are on our side in improving physical health, stress and worry.

If the first thought these things trigger is “the advantage is on my side” the outcome will be better.

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Yesterday we had trouble with the link to the video in the story.  Here’s the story and fixed link.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Mick Jagger’s Health Routine

Yes, I know Keith Richards looked 70 50 years ago and the Rolling Stones are 70+ and still kicking.

After recovering from recent heart surgery, Mick Jagger returned to working out.  In his shows he covers 12 miles on stage.

His secret and the secret of others who want to remain vital and vigorous is cardio.  Here’s his after-surgery workout.

But it’s the mind that keeps people young and motivated.

When the mind believes it, the body follows in step.

Exercise the mind to exercise the body and reach full potential.

Mick Jagger’s Health Routine

Yes, I know Keith Richards looked 70 50 years ago and the Rolling Stones are 70+ and still kicking.

After recovering from recent heart surgery, Mick Jagger returned to working out. In his shows he covers 12 miles on stage.

His secret and the secret of others who want to remain vital and vigorous is cardio. Here’s his after-surgery workout.

But it’s the mind that keeps people young and motivated.

When the mind believes it, the body follows in step.

Exercise the mind to exercise the body and reach full potential.

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The Narrative of Positivity

When in doubt, assume you can.

Think of negative thoughts heard, read or communicated like the stench of a skunk so you can wake up and get away from it.

For every complaint balance an appreciation.

When others gossip, leave the conversation.

Don’t become the people you are around, let them be more like you.

Push back against bullies, cut off their oxygen.

Never ask or accept criticism, a real helper would never offer it.

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One-upmanship

People who try to gain an advantage by doing, saying or having “better things” than someone else practice the destructive behavior of one-upmanship.

How to defend?

Be non-defensive, refuse to participate, don’t engage in a power struggle where you resort to the same tactics, let the person suck all the oxygen out of the room.

Dealing with one-upmanship at work requires the ability to let everyone know that you are reinterpreting the attack on you as an attack on the problem making certain the other person knows you want to solve the problem and will establish some new ground rules.

In all of this, let the offender be aggressive while the solution is always non-aggressive.

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