Overcoming the Fear of Speaking

Studies show fear of speaking ranks higher than the fear of death.

Maybe that’s because speaking in public is a slow death to those who have not mastered the art.

  • Speak on only that which you have earned the right to speak about or participate in a team group.
  • Don’t try to be a public speaker or imitate one – it will end in disaster. Be yourself, authentic.  Some of the best speakers are soft spoken or quirky and it works if that’s their personality.
  • Open and close with a prepared comment but use an outline to speak conversationally about the topic. Do you enjoy watching a person read a speech to you?
  • To be really effective, think of your talk as a gift that you are presenting the audience.Know what that gift is.  Put it in your own words along with the excitement that comes from sharing something you know the audience will like.
  • Warm up the audience if possible by walking through and greeting as many people as you can before your talk. If you can you will have that many people pulling for you.
  • Look the audience in the eyes – nothing is more effective than looking at the people you are talking to.
  • Finally, keep it short and end on a positive note.

Scared speakers usually are also short on self-esteem so instead of practicing your talk over and over again, practice reminding yourself why you are qualified to speak on this subject.

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  • Thanks for this!

  • Nice article!

Becoming Unstuck

Do something new every day.

Studies confirm that the brain becomes more engaged and creates positive pathways when you do something new every day – it doesn’t have to be big, but it could be as long as it is new.

Talk to someone you don’t know.

Take a different path to where you’re going this day. 

Break habits by creating a new one even just one day. 

Keep a log on your phone because it’s even invigorating to scroll through your new initiatives.

Emmy-winning TV reporter and cancer survivor Lu Ann Cahn has written “I Dare Me”about how she rebooted and recharged her life.

It turns out getting unstuck is as simple as doing something new – anything. 

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  • Great article!

Developing a Lasting Friendship

My friend Robert Fox recently put together a list of qualities about what is involved in developing a friendship.

  1. Compatible personalities
  2. Shared values
  3. Respect
  4. History
  5. Warmth and affection (the most essential)

No clicks, likes, follows or texts alone can substitute for the qualities that contribute to a lasting relationship.

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Turning Around a Bad Day

Let’s be honest here, there is no magic formula for fixing a day gone wrong.

But there are options, good options.

Here are my 5 best.

Hit restart – work hard to push the bad luck out of your mind and make a clean beginning. 

Divert your attention to someone worse off than you (i.e., you may be getting a bad case of the flu, but what about the person who has 3 months to live?).

Get with the person who makes you happiest and let them do their thing while you vow not to bring them down.

Recall a previous day that went beyond your expectations as a way to balance your current bad day with a really good one. 

And the one thing that has never failed – get your mind off of you for the rest of the day and totally on someone else. 

Our egos often help to make a bad day worse, so eliminate the ego.

Tomorrow will be better.

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Outsmarting Others

The TV detective Columbo was a shrewd but rumpled detective who wore a shabby raincoat, smoked cigars and seem inept to the suspects who committed a crime.

He seemed stupid at times, asking questions – pausing and asking one more almost as if to confirm that he was not very bright.

It’s the other way around in life, people who talk to show you what they know are actually wasting time that could be used in listening and getting smarter.

I worked for a radio program director named Paul Drew who used to put a sharpie in his mouth (not recommended) after he pummeled me with endless questions.

One day I said, “Chief, why are you asking me this? You already know it.”  His reply was “You’re going to make me smarter if I listen and keep my mouth shut.”

You’ve heard the saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we ought to listen twice as much as we speak.

Even better, ask questions, don’t make statements and you will outsmart the many people who can’t.

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If You Don’t Believe in Yourself, Why Should Anyone Else?

Self-confidence comes from achievements not talk.

People who are very successful are often full of themselves but we tolerate it because they have achieved something important and/or made a lot of money.

But money is not a marker for confidence.

We believe in the pilot of our flight to get us to our destination safely.

What if the pilot didn’t have the same belief?

In our lives if we don’t or for some reason won’t believe in us, why should we expect anyone else to?

And once we have secured the confidence in our abilities, no one can take them away.

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Difficult Friendships

In the digital age friendships are being reduced to short texts, quick calls or social media’s dispassionate engagement and that’s not helpful.

Face time in person focused on the other person is the better goal.

Any person who makes focused time for you is worth keeping. 

A person who brags about how many friends they have doesn’t need at least one of them – you.   

A disagreement between the right people with the goal of resolving it is an opportunity for an even richer friendship.  A pearl is created from the irritation of sand. 

Friends who fail to stay in touch on a regular basis are not only busy but not available to be friends. 

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Winning a Person’s Confidence

Create an atmosphere of approval and acceptance.

Everyone craves approval and acceptance.  It’s a wonder why we withhold it so much.

How would you like to be treated?

That what we are is good enough at the least and maybe even better than that.

The feeling that we are believed.

The person who has the capability of sincerelyoffering approval and acceptance to others, will gain their confidence in the most meaningful way.

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  • Why isn’t Jerry writing about radio anymore?

What if Someone Asks for Constructive Criticism?

Give them support instead.

Who likes criticism? Who is more motivated after they hear what’s wrong with them and with their ideas?

I know what you’re thinking. What if they (or you) really want guidance?

Then give guidance – positive steps that support not criticize.

I’ll bet you whoever invented constructive criticism never wanted to hear it.

Because criticism is not constructive.

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People Want to Buy, Not be Sold

That’s true not only of merchandise and services but ideas and concepts.

If you have a great idea for your team, spend much of your effort into getting them to buy it from you rather than have you sell it to them. 

If you have a daughter or son who could benefit from your wisdom, don’t push it, get them to buy it from you.

Buy-in is everything. 

The control that people spend so much time chasing after is nothing compared to allowing someone to willfully arrive at your way of thinking.

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