When everything is going great, it’s easy to have confidence.

And then something happens and we look over our shoulders wondering what’s about to go wrong.

One or two challenges to confidence and poof – we start wondering what’s wrong.

Confidence is as perishable as fresh food – when it doesn’t get consumed, it rots.

So, consume confidence.

Use it when it comes your way and save it for when you need a reminder (like on a list or inputted into a notes app on a smartphone that you can scroll through).

No one can escape the loss of confidence from time to time.

That’s exactly when it helps to use the confidence you gained previously to make it through the rough times.

Waiting for everything to go great is a long wait that is unnecessary when you dedicate yourself to reminding yourself of all the successes you’ve had.

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Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

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Animals adapt to their environment – even over the ages changing their appearance so as to protect themselves from other predators.

But humans also become like the people in our lives.

If they are less ethical, it challenges our ethics.

If they are rude, we adapt and sometimes change our tolerance to rudeness.

If they cheat, we may not become cheaters but we will spend some effort to resist the outside pressures exerted by others.

Less obsession with making friends.

Or collecting friends on social media.

More attention to who we want as friends.

Having people who share the values that define us in our lives is being a good friend to them and to yourself.

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We know a confident person when see one, right?

Not necessarily.

People can learn to act confident, speaking with force, make decisions even if they are not good ones and who wants to be left suffering fools like this?

Real confidence comes from deep inside.

Humility – the ability to thank others and not take the credit. 

Giving power away – it takes confidence to let another person have “your” way. 

The “awesome power of listening” rather than speaking. 

Leading others by actually going first.

The ability to admit a mistake quickly without using the word “but” to explain it.

Investing in other people even when they don’t believe in themselves for a real return on investment.

Looking for and giving out compliments backed by evidence not criticism backed by jealousy or fear of losing control.

Hint:  These are 7 can’t miss steps to becoming a more confident person above.  Choose one each month and master it before moving on to the next.

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Before we even get out of the house in the morning, we are exposed to more negativity than we even realize.

At home, in the news, email, texts, social media, anticipating work and the challenges ahead not to mention how we are feeling that day.

A lot has been written about positive attitudes but they are still elusive in our workaday world.

We are more likely to be haunted by negative thoughts when we allow our brains to act like a sponge soaking up everything around us.

When we choose our thoughts, we are more likely to automatically be more positive.

Are you choosing your thoughts or just soaking up whatever is around you?

To the extent that you can decrease a wandering mind, you will take a step toward the kind of positivity that changes your day, improves relationships and makes for a happy life.

Just one thing – take control of your thoughts and filter out the noise that’s getting to you.

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Doubting ourselves is a form of self-destruction that is even worse than someone else’s insults or lack of confidence in us.

Yet, self-doubt is the most common form of sabotage that blocks success.

Changing the way we look at self-doubt is the first step to banishing it from our lives.

If you doubt yourself, how can you expect others to believe in you and your ideas? 

No one ever succeeded by doubting their heart and soul – why join THAT list?

If it’s worth dreaming, it’s worth believing in. 

If it’s worth believing in, it requires a little more self-love. 

To doubt yourself is to assure failure before you even begin.

When others don’t believe, you go first.

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No means no – it’s the best defense for protecting boundaries.

No should probably be used more often.

Yes means I agree and I will do what I have promised.

It’s easy to make a promise based on intent.  The trick is to deliver on the promise which then makes you effective.

The two most effective tools any of us have are the ability to reject or accept – that’s when we discover our hidden power.

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My students always sit in the same seat they become accustomed to sitting in from the first day of class.

I make the same walk to class every day.

Head to the same coffee shop on the way.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Discovery begins when we consciously disrupt our routines – even the ones we like – in the quest for new ones.

How can we expect a more interesting life when we refuse to take a few risks?

Break one routine a day and stimulate the ability to discover new and fascinating things.

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The best advice is no advice at all.

When someone asks for advice, they just want you to hear them – to listen without judging or making it about you.

And be careful when youseek advice that you are just looking for a friend who will hear you out.

Advice isn’t about wisdom, it’s about the willingness to listen.

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You learn the ability to listen.  It is rarely inherent.

As a society we all talk too much – pounding it out on digital devices, creating videos, even older adopters who have fallen in love with Facebook risk falling into the trap of making it all about them.

The secret to better relationships is better listening skills.

Without interruptions.

“Mansplaining” is the term women attribute to men who interrupt them, finish their sentences and expect to be heard above all else.

Focusing on the other person’s lips when possible or on the sound of their voice when listening remotely helps improve comprehension.

Don’t interrupt.

Don’t always add in your version of what the other person is talking about.

Try to summarize what you’re hearing (i.e., “so if I am hearing your correctly you are saying…”) 

Try to recall the most important thing you’re hearing at the end. 

The easiest thing in the world is also the most difficult – to gain the benefits of being a good listener resist the temptation to do the talking.

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Embrace change.

It’s going to happen anyway.

The quickest way to become irrelevant is to push back against inevitable change because like it or not inevitable means unavoidable.

We resist and get a reputation for not being on board.

Sometimes we react and find ourselves squarely mired in the status quo.

Looking a bit further ahead, wouldn’t it be useful to be an agent of change where you could have a real say in how change comes about?

Life is a pendulum swinging from one set of values, ideas and conditions all the way to the other extreme passing through the middle.

We see it in politics and it’s available for us to respond to in critical areas of our lives.

Change is a good thing especially when we’re part of it.

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