In this age of social media and political directness, we have a right to stop verbal abuse.

By telling people who cannot seem to muster any human relations skills that you do not plan to be their target any longer, you are fairly saying be nice or be quiet.

It is your right.

Just because social media allows people to interact in ways that can be insulting, hurtful, embarrassing or abusive, the remedy is to set your rules.

Same goes for verbal conversations where people feel they can tread on feelings by bowling you over with some of the bravado that has become commonplace.

Philadelphia TV weather personality Cecily Tynan who also has tons of adoring fans for her meteorology as well as fashion sense, took a critic right down to the mat when the rude Facebook user started debating the appropriateness of an outfit she wore on television.

Tynan wasted no time putting that bully in place by writing “be nice or be quiet” to the delight of her other fans.

After all, it is her Facebook page and she controls her own life.

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The other day, long-suffering Philadelphia 76ers fans were actually screaming “Trust the Process” as a crowd chant during a game.

Trust the process is what management has been asking fans to do while they endured years of underperformance by the Sixers to get a better chance at a high lottery pick and thus restock the team with the best talent over time.

That, and a little lottery luck, has remade the Philadelphia 76ers into a playoff contender for the first time in a long time.

But wait …

Do the fans really know what they were collectively shouting?

Trust the process means be patient, good things will happen.

It strikes me that this is the shout out many of us need to give ourselves when change takes too long to happen or when we experience a loss of confidence.

Be patient.

Good things will happen.

Trust the process.

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1. Write down the top 25 things you want to do for the rest of your life.
2. Circle your top 5 goals.
3. Start planning how you are going to achieve those top 5 goals and cross off the other 20 goals and don’t spend any of your valuable time on them until you’ve accomplished the 5 most important goals.

Buffet who is renown for studying hundreds of companies to acquire but actually acts on very few says that really successful people say no to almost everything – the opposite of what most of us do.

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A study of 18 maritime disasters (ship sinking’s) over 3 centuries covering the fate of 15,000 people of more than 30 nationalities overturns widespread belief that women and children got off the boat first.

Captains and crew survived at a higher rate than women, children and male passengers.

Women do no better even if they represent a small share of the passengers on a sinking ship.

This leads the National Academy of Sciences that conducted the study to perhaps tongue-in-cheek say this human behavior can be described by the “expression every man for himself”.

More than gender wars, this study underscores the importance of understanding that when faced with a life or death situation, most people will take care of themselves first.

In friendships – even strong ones – it’s helpful to remember this human condition.

And it reminds everyone that they are ultimately and always in charge of caring for their own needs first.

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The Villanova basketball team that has won two national titles in three years has done it without cell phones.

Coach Jay Wright takes his players’ phones away the night before a game to help them stay focused on their job.

The players don’t like it – of course, they want their phones back – but you can’t argue with the results.

Wright: “They’re kids … They don’t know how to focus”.

Phones produce anxiety and resistance to tactics.

Every night after 10pm for each road game, a Villanova official goes room to room to collect players cell phones.

Phones are the enemy of sleep and sleep is important for everyone and in particular athletes.

Some other teams ban phones from team meetings but Jay Wright sticks to his hard and fast rule.

Phones are tools that make our lives better.

When they become an addiction and affect our sleep, cause anxiety or make us lose focus, it requires taking control of the problem.

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These are the words of Serena Williams, the tennis great who couldn’t be stopped from becoming the most prolific woman tennis player of all time.

23 Grand Slams while battling through various illnesses and injuries that might stop someone with less conviction.

The mind is the most important part of the body.

Without the confidence to achieve, even all other gifts from talent to physical prowess are worthless.

Push the possibilities.

Test the limits.

Believe in the ability to do that which you set out to do.

No limit, no disadvantage, no obstacle is greater than any individual’s unwilling to believe in themselves without condition.

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Dale Carnegie’s advice was “don’t criticize, condemn or complain” and it would be a great world if people even tried to live up to this.

You get called in and someone offers “constructive criticism” – you really want the constructive part and the bad feelings you will come away with left out.

You can’t control others, but the next time you are put in a position to answer negative feedback of any kind, these are their judgments right or wrong and you are being watched for how you take it.

Open to criticism or overly defensive?

If they are expecting an argument, skip it – their minds are made up.

Just say thank you.

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It’s one thing to stay positive – think positive thoughts, do things in the present and be present 100% in relationships.

But not focusing on the negatives may not be enough to realize happiness.

Think of what your life would be like if you didn’t have that special person or the career you love or the friends and family you cherish.

This negative visualization actually produces a positive effect.

By thinking about what you’d miss, you appreciate it more and see how the people and things you like make you happy.

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Free time to chill and veg out is a waste of free time.

Invest it in something that will bring happiness and see great returns.

Learn something new. 

Start something you’ve been putting off. 

Unleash your creativity. 

Be brave and attack something you’ve been meaning to do.

Free time is not down time.

It’s extra time for you.

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Laurie Santos is a Yale professor who teaches the most popular course ever at the college – Psychology and the Good Life.

Salary does make for happiness – after the basics, more money is a dud.

Spending time with a friend and doing things in the moment makes us happier.

Professor Santos encourages learning without laptops even though they have been proven to aid a better outcome.  But face-to-face makes for happier people.  Fortunately, her course is pass/fail – less anxiety.

Rewirements may be necessary – meditate, get more sleep, learn to be thankful.

Students loved the gratitude journal – it’s not new, maybe today is a good time to start one in your own unique way.

Social media?  A no-no but students struggle for a way to stay connected to their generation without losing their happiness to the black hole of social connection.

If you have ten minutes, meet Laurie Santos and her students here.  Maybe forward this to a young person.

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