Why do we start a conversation with a pitch to get the other person to change their mind?

It never works, but we still do it.

First, make a friend.

Help the other person open their ears and potentially their mind to what you’re saying.

Begin every conversation with a sincere compliment.

“Thanks for giving me some of your valuable time”

“There is a lot of wisdom in what you say”

“You always seem to be open to different points of view”

Or, if you know them well, a sincere personal comment.  Sincerity is key because otherwise communication is just manipulation.

You’d never consider drinking a bottle of water without first opening it and a wise person never starts a conversation without helping to get the other person to open up to receiving your message.

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Yes is not an intention, it’s a promise.

A commitment.

“Yessing someone to death” may be a dismissive way to avoid doing what you don’t like but there are other more effective ways such as saying no.

Every time we say yes consider it a promise that you will make sure to honor.

And when others say yes to us be prepared to hold them to their promise.

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Out of bad comes good.

I wrote a book by this name several years ago because I found that people who faced adversity also accomplished great things.

The best thing that could have happened is for no shooting to take place at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.  No injuries.  No loss of life.  But that is not the world we live in.

The next best thing is to see victims speaking and vowing to do what they can to be the last in the U.S. to ever have a shooting incident.

When they succeed, significant good will come out of a heartbreaking incident.

Adversity introduces us to ourselves and to those around us.

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It’s wrong and it’s unnecessary.

One of the many reasons 52% of the people between the age of 19 and 39 – Millennials – feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety as their number one health complaint.  And it’s surely not limited to that age group.

When you are doing two things at once, you have failed to prioritize.

More doesn’t mean more efficient.

When I asked a class of students if they’d like to learn how to accomplish more by doing less, only one student out of 44 reluctantly said yes (she felt sorry for the professor, no doubt).

The answer is to prioritize.

What’s most important and then what’s second most important.

What may be important someday.

Human nature is such that we work on what’s easiest to do without regard to whether it is most important.

This is the year to stop multitasking and start prioritizing.

Just because we have tools in our hands that allow us to do many things at once does not mean that it makes us any more productive or happier.

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February marked the 50^th anniversary of Mister Rogers Neighborhood on PBS.

Yes, Mister Rogers – the gentle man that comedians poked fun at who would probably be welcomed with open arms were he alive today.

He is known famously for “I like you just the way you are”.

That powerful phrase means little unless we make a conscious choice to try to accept others – and ourselves – as the good people we are.

There is too much emphasis on change.

And we can never change another person – only fools think that.

But to begin to start accepting others and ourselves for the good things we are is a positive way forward.

Every teacher knows that you cannot force a student to learn no matter how good the instruction.

But you can build a desire to learn.

Same is true of accepting people for what they are.

They can always change but that is up to them.  We can only inspire.

To begin liking people “just the way you are”, be on the lookout for good in others.

Then look in the mirror and repeat.

We have little trouble knowing our faults, can we consciously start looking for our many strengths.

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Did you ever notice that when people say they are absolutely sure about something, they’re often not?

Being that sure is not necessarily a good thing.

When we’re that certain it should be the first indication to step back and recheck the facts.

Passion, emotion and the will to prevail often makes us see things that are not really there.

Instead of “I’m sure”, try hedging your bet and saying “I’m sure going to check”.

And when others say it, proceed with caution.

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It is not possible to ask others to believe in you, until you believe in yourself.

You must go first.

If others have to believe in you before you start the process, you will always be codependent to their cheerleading and encouragement.

Encouragement is not a bad thing.

It’s just not a substitution for taking the first leap that says – I believe in me.

I believe I can do it.

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As analytics increasingly permeate sports, we learn that taking risks has it benefits.

For example, in football going for it on first down or trying a two-point conversion instead of an extra point kick are analytically safer than they appear.

The Philadelphia Eagles won their first Super Bowl by aggressively betting on analytics all season – statistical evidence relating to the effectiveness of different play scenarios.

When push comes to shove in life, we often make the wrong decision to play it safe.

In essence we’re betting on losing or at least to avoid losing.

In a research study (featured in Gray Matter, New York Times), fans were asked to imagine that their team scored a touchdown but half the participants were told that they needed one point (an extra point kick) to tie the game.  The other group was told they needed a two-point conversion to tie.

Those who were told they only needed one point thought the two-point conversion was more likely to fail than the group that needed the two points to tie the game.

The same decision was thought to be riskier when it was seen as optional instead of unavoidable.

Taking risks is sometimes necessary to attain success.

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Most of us stay at our jobs at least a year.

The next key date is two years.

So here is the question that gives you a heads-up on whether a job change is in your future:

Do you want to be doing your present job six months or a year from today?

Research shows that people are funny about their careers.

The great predominance of evidence shows that even when talked into staying in your current job with more money, benefits or other things we may want, people still leave after deciding they might like to change jobs or accept another offer.

But only we know if we’re ready.

By projecting one year ahead to determine if we actually would want to be doing our present job.

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We’re getting too self-absorbed in our world.

Changing that is hard to do.

One way is to picture a person you appreciate.

How do you appreciate them and why?

What do they mean to you?

Focus on them – not you.

Thinking in real terms about the details on why we appreciate special people in our lives makes us happier, grateful and less concerned about our ups and downs.

It’s an anti-depressant without the pill.

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Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.