People tend to cling to memories of the past as they become older or even as they experience success at a younger age.

Memories are made of successes and while they feel good to reflect on, they feel even better in real time going forward.

Do, don’t stew.

Start something new — don’t just review past successes.

Engage someone new – a person you don’t normally contact, spend time with or have a dialogue with.  Start one.  One new outreach a day, brings 365 potential people some of whom can enrich your life (and you theirs).  It only takes one.

Life is like a concert.

We enjoy songs from the past but we also appreciate brand new lyrics and beats – preferably together in a nice balance.

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Dale Carnegie says the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

For those caught up in their own or someone else’s drama, these steps are helpful:

• Listen – Listening helps eliminate the feeling of self-defense that is triggered when another person is coming at you in an argument.  Showing that you are attempting to listen and understand is the first line of defense.
• Acknowledge the argument – Being able to repeat the other person’s complaint is proof that you are listening even if you do not agree.
• Support the argument – Supporting the other person’s right to disagree helps pave the way for your right to have your own – differing – opinion.

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Step 1 – Write down your top 25 career goals

Step 2 – Circle only your top 5 options

Step 3 – Put the top 5 on one list and the other 20 on a second list

Then give the top 5 list all your attention and avoid at all costs the second list until you’ve succeeded with the top 5.

This concept also works for daily to-dos.

Step 1 – Write down your tasks for the day

Step 2 – Circle only your top 5

Step 3 – Put the top 5 important tasks on one list

Give all your attention to that list until they are completed and then you can add more.

Multi-tasking is a myth that studies prove does not produce more efficiency and does create more anxiety.

Focus your time and energy on things that matter most.

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Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan agreed in writing in a “relationship agreement” before they were married to spend 100 minutes of alone time with each other each week away from work.

Rapper Jay-Z and singer/wife Beyonce have a pre-nup in which she earns $5 million for each child they have together. It’s not the money. They are worth over $1 billion together. It’s about placing yet another value on becoming a parent.

Actress Nicole Kidman and singer Keith Urban have a pre-nup in which Urban gets $600,000 for every year he remains narcotics and alcohol free.

Jessica Biel receives $500,000 if Justin Timberlake cheats. They are worth $248 million together.

This is not about the money. It’s about goals.

When goals are clearly stated whether they are in “relationship agreements”, pre-nuptials, employment contracts or even Valentine “I Love You cards”, they have the best chance of success.

Imagine trying to solve a problem without stating specifically what the problem is.

Goals cannot be reached unless they are assigned a value and committed in a document as a blueprint for success.

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Do it sooner than promised.

Exceed expectations.

If you buy a product from Apple on back order, they always promise a drop-dead date that they will exceed.

When my new iPhone arrives weeks ahead of that date, Apple makes me happy to be spending more money than you probably should.

Your son will be happy when you not only keep a promise but double down on it.

Do something sooner than promised for a spouse or partner.

Your boss will be elated if you deliver the project ahead of schedule and better than expected.

No need to take courses on how to win friends when the answer is looking right at us.

Be first.

Be fast.

Be sooner than expected. 

An early New Year’s resolution all of us would be wise not to break.

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Burger King did an amazing video in which they bullied a Whopper and more people came to the defense of the burger than they did on people who were getting bullied in one of their restaurants.

Over 3 million people have seen this video.

It shows the importance of speaking up.

95% reported the Whopper being bullied and far fewer would stand up for a person on the receiving end of insults.

To fight bullying, speak up.

See something.

Say something.

Bullying is not okay and it can’t persist if we speak up about it.

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Most of us know what we want but spend a lot of valuable time and effort talking ourselves out of it.

If you know what you want, hit the Start Button today.

A new job? 

Within the hour, start the ball rolling.

Want out of a toxic relationship?  

Draw the line now and don’t back off.

Spend more time with the family?

Go home tonight, turn the phone off and do several things you have not had the time to do together.

Unhappy?

Before the day is done, book an appointment with a counselor and start real change.

Feel guilty?

Forgive yourself but don’t forget what you have to work on.

Resentful and bitter?

Let it go today before the resentment you despise becomes part of you.

See the Start Button in your mind’s eye and use it often to bring about real change.

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There is no shortcut to success and happiness.

Look at all those “poor” lottery winners who wind up broke and friendless after thinking they got “lucky”.

The new lucky is adversity.

From adversity, we test how deeply we really want something – how hard we are willing to work for it.  If there is a point where we give up, then we didn’t want it that badly after all.

That’s as valuable as knowing what we want and what we don’t want.

By having to spend years or even a lifetime in pursuit of what we want, we guarantee that we will eventually make our own good luck.

Often what we want is not really what we want.

All I ever wanted to be was a radio program director and spent many years enjoying that career.  But adversity called me to a broader canvas where I could have an even greater impact and reward.

Who knew?

Time allows us to know ourselves.

Test ourselves.

And discover the biggest lesson of success:

Adversity introduces a person to him or herself and to those around them

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We’re developing a fear of the phone.

We resent voicemail messages.

Answer calls with a text or email instead of a return call.

Pour our hearts out to Apple Mail or Outlook, but can’t look into the eyes of the person our feelings are intended for.

Phone calls eat valuable time – or so that is the excuse.

Entire lives are being conducted on social media, chat and email without the benefit of hearing a human response.

If you were to die tomorrow, would the people who care about you wish they could have just one more email from you or would they long for the sound of your voice?

Social media is not a substitution for calls and in person contact.

Fear of confronting others, revealing our thoughts and feelings and replacing them with emoji’s and incomplete phrases can be treated.

The phone is a tool.  Texting is an aid.  Social media is the dessert, not the meal.

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Most relationships are and have been broken at some point.  It’s the way we deal with them that makes the difference.

When a relationship has been breached, work to objectively find out the specific reason.

Spending time and effort to fix something that is not the problem breeds further resentment.

Families go through ups and downs but they have a magic staying power that keeps members together even in difficult times.

The magic formula for fixing broken relationships:

1. Be certain you know the “problem” and be able to articulate it with the other person.
2. Spend all efforts on the recognized problem with great focus and hard work.  

Fixing broken relationships can actually strengthen them and you, as an individual.

What’s worth having may be worth the price to focus on it for the rest of your life.

But that decision is a personal one.

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