Spending More Time with the Family

When someone is fired from a job, it is not uncommon to hear that the public explanation is to spend more time with their family.

When they get a new job, does that mean that they have spent enough time with the family?

More time is not what most family members really want.

More time focused on them is all they really ask.

All the family days don’t always add up to 30 minutes intently listening to each other in real time.

What seems like a difficult goal – spending more time with the people we love – is actually as easy as putting aside distractions and showing a heap of person centered interest in those close to us.

A walk together without a phone.

A talk without having to weigh in on your take for everything you hear.

A respite of fun.

Exercising.

Life does not have to be a big production.

Just a lot of little moments together.

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Mobile Phone Addiction

Kids as young as 13 are being treated for mobile phone addiction.

Parents who have used the phone by taking it away for “bad behavior” are finding their children reacting the same way an addict would if they could no longer get access to drugs.

Here’s what we are learning from the reSTART Life Center near Seattle, the only known treatment center for mobile phone addiction in the U.S.

Explore the world beyond the screen.

Set a good example.  Parents increasingly make their phones a centerpiece of their lives and children pick this up early.

Turn off tech. 

Tech is a tool not a lifestyle. 

Remember who is supporting this habit by paying for the cellphone and its monthly bills and then be a parent. 

For adults, the same rules apply.

The phone is like a dopamine pump that is why we cannot put it down.  Why we hold it in our hands too often and check it far too much – an average of 74 times a day.

Best cure:  for every minute of digital use, balance it with an equal minute of in-person or audio contact with another person.

Balance saves the day.

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Avoiding the Black Hole of Distraction

Look at this video.

Not looking where we’re going or driving is having negative impacts on those doing it and those around us.

There is one sure way to put an end to living a distracted life.

Put cellphones in their place and use them as tools, not devices that draw us deeper into the black holes of social media and the world of apps that interfere from living in the present.

This woman is one of many each day who are getting hurt because she is distracted.

We can also be hurt psychologically and emotionally in being that person even if we haven’t yet had an accident.

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How to Forgive

It’s okay to be selfish in forgiveness — do it for yourself.

Indulge imperfections – no one is perfect.

Forgive before others seek it.

Seek forgiveness when it is due you.

Try to understand other’s actions.

Forgive gracefully without placing a burden on the forgiven.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting and it does not mean continuing to put up with abuse.

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Never Look Back

I grew up living next door to an amazing neighbor who just turned 93 years young.

I say young because she is unlike a lot of people many decades younger.

She drove until she was 89.

Lives in a retirement community now but not assisted living and told me she never looks back to miss the past.  She is blessed with good health or maybe her good health was a byproduct of how she lived.

Her advice:

Go with change.

Live with no regrets.

I told her I wanted to be her best student until it gets into my thick head to never look back, only ahead.

And coming from a 93-year-old, she is reminding all us that she and we have a lot yet to look forward to.

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Peak Loneliness

A recent study in the UK found that 35 is the age at which men feel loneliest.

9% of them said they have no friends at all.

Loneliness appears to be growing in all age groups and all countries.

A lack of face-to-face contact or voice contact is contributing to loneliness that many people don’t even fully realize they have.

It is hard to be lonely when we reach out to others.

Help someone else.

Break the ice, be first to converse.

Phone, don’t post or email.

Be a good friend to make a new friend.

Here is a low risk way to get started:  the first 20 people you see each day starting at home, with associates at work or even people you don’t know look them in the eye and say silently “have a good day”.  Non-verbal affirmations convey safety and friendliness.

Even if others don’t outwardly respond, you will feel better.

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Friends & Family

Dr. Amit Sood reminds us the person who can share their success with you without envy is your friend.

You will only have a few of these special friends in a lifetime.

We tend to limit our compassion to only a few people who are meaningful to us and connected to us.  Often they are genetically connected.

But everybody is your family.

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Gaining Control

The only way to gain control is to give up control.

This does not mean have no opinion or to agree with things you don’t believe in.

Let go of having to have your way even after you articulate it.

Practice giving up control by letting someone else pick the restaurant, get their way on a project or have their preference if possible with your calendar.

No one trait is shared by more people than the desire to have more control over their lives, their friendships and the way other people live their lives.

The epidemic of anxiety in people is directly tied to spending too much time trying to control outcomes.

If you consciously try not to be in control, you will live – probably be happier – and almost certainly shed anxiety that comes with having to spend so much time getting your way after you have your say.

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Social Media Addiction

Social media is becoming a misnomer.

It is anti-social media when conducted in the presence of other people or instead of interacting with others.

This is an epidemic that is being at the very least allowed by parents who have succumbed to their children’s peer pressure by enabling the overuse of social media.

Facebook skews older.

Instagram is like a vanity plate for many users depicting a life of dreams or excesses rather than reality.  But it can also be fun and creative.

SnapChat is for the young who want to express themselves in a short audio or video clip and then have it disappear.

When social media interferes with living in the now 100% focused on the person you are with or activity you are involved in, then there is a worrisome component of social media addiction that exists.

Step 1 – Spend as much time focused on the here and now as you spend on social media.

Step 2 – Start new friendships outside of social media and conduct them predominantly face-to-face. 

Step 3 – Address the anxiety that is being generated by witnessing other people’s “better” lives on social media.

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Improving Your Life Now

  1. Live in the now 100% focused on the person you are with face-to-face.
  2. Know when to put away your phone.
  3. Don’t chase the butterfly of happiness but be ready for it when it lands near you.
  4. Changing people is the prescription for unhappiness – yours! 
  5. The person who realizes that it is not about them will be blessed with an abundance of friends.

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