Now that the NFL has reinstated former Baltimore Ravens Ray Rice after video showing him beating his fiancé (now wife) unconscious in an elevator, the question arises – does everyone deserve a second chance?

Many teams don’t want to touch Rice and a few others are pursuing the talented running back under the guise that everyone deserves a second chance.

Putting this specific case aside, second chances are usually permitted in life when the perpetrator has shown remorse, undergone some meaningful maturation or change and is desirous of overcoming that which brought them down.

Second chances are earned not entitled.

Some of the best outcomes have been the result of second chances but be aware that often the same things happen again the second time around.

The difference being – remorse and the burning desire for a new course.

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Why does it seem that it takes great adversity to force us to make great changes?

Pain is transformational.

Being out of work when we are so talented makes us more willing to do whatever we must to overcome adversity.

Pining to meet the right person who would make our lives complete often drives individuals to spend time to agonize over the qualities they really want in another person not the obvious and that can change our availability for healthier relationships.

That which is unfair – say, losing a perfectly healthy kidney because of the one kidney stone you’ve ever gotten in life – makes you value and appreciate your good health and stay motivated to right the wrong through a determined healthy lifestyle.  I know it did for me.

There is no getting around that it takes pain to produce pleasure.

It’s the human condition and if you look back to how you’ve achieved all that is pleasurable to you, you may also find that adversity had to be overcome with acts of determination.

Here’s what really makes a difference.

When you experience pain in life, constantly remind yourself that it is this very pain that will in time transform your life into something much better.

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A familiar figure haunted by rumors of sexual misconduct is cut free by NBC where Cosby had been developing a new television series.

The trusted Dr. Huxtable under suspicion of rape.

To be sure, Cosby has admitted to nothing wrong nor has he been charged or convicted of the rape charges that a number of women have come forward to allege.

At issue is objectifying women at the least and criminal behavior at the worst.

I came across a group called Women Against Rape in the Philadelphia area that worked with victims and their partners to overcome the many effects of being violated sexually.

One of the first things that you learn is that rape is more a crime of anger than the forced desire of sexual pleasure.  We learn that the perpetrator is often angry at a female relative and acts that anger out against their victims.

A few thoughts regarding the Cosby situation …

1. Stay off of pedestals because they are easy to fall off of.
2. Power tends to corrupt so give away your power to maintain it.  Trying to accrue it often leads to inappropriate behavior of one form or the other.
3. Trust is fleeting.  We earn it moment by moment.  No one is declared trustworthy for their entire life.  It would be wise for us to trust people when we can continually cite a reason for that trust.

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You get good at what you do to get rich.

Getting rich doesn’t make you good.

Often college seniors are looking for big paying jobs when they graduate from college and who can blame them – most are saddled with college debt that will likely hang over them until they’re well into their forties.

But that’s a mistake.

Two things that successful people always do:

1. They make sure they are in the right building – that is, the right company, the right place, the opportunity that makes their passion burn red-hot.
2. Wealthy people are good at what they do first and they make their money second.  Not the other way around.

So the best advice we can give ourselves or to others is to dispense with notions of making more money and become obsessed with the excellence we can produce.

Opportunity and excellence go hand in hand.

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Every year at this time I like to share a simple way that can add meaning to just about anyone’s Thanksgiving holiday.

Yes, even with drama queens, warring family members, distracted behavior and a growing abundance of self-absorption.

When you gather at the dinner table, someone made that dinner (perhaps with help).

Or you dine out, someone paid for that dinner.

Here’s how to make a Thanksgiving so meaningful it will fill your heart with joy.

You be the one who speaks up before a fork is lifted to show recognition for the person (or people) who made Thanksgiving possible.

“I want to thank you, mom, for all the love and hard work you put into this day”.

That’s it.

Others will add their own comments – it’s like you being the first person to get up and dance at a wedding – others easily follow.

If you decide to try this, please feel free to comment below or contact me personally here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It amazes me how often people say they are going to do something and never do it.

I get that their promise could simply be a good intention but good intentions become good deeds by following through.

Even salespeople fail to follow up when you’re a potential customer – this is not only bad sales training, it is disappointing others.

The cure is to take ownership of that which you say you’re going to do.

If you say it, you own it.

But that pertains to us.  How about others who let us down?

Unfortunately it is part of the human condition – making promises that cannot be kept.

So since we can’t control others, we can control how we hear promises.

And for every promise made to you, quietly add, “This is only a good intention”.

Then be grateful for every promise kept.

And be realistic about every promise broken.

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The only reason we have a problem with being wrong is the mistaken notion that we always have to be right.

No one is always right, yet saying you’re wrong is something you rarely hear.

If a ballplayer gets a hit one out of four times, he is out (or wrong) 75% of the time and is considered a success – probably a multi-millionaire.

The few people I knew who are not threatened because they are often wrong are a joy to be around.

They listen more intensely.

They seem more human.

And phrases such as “I got that wrong” roll off their lips with ease and almost pride.

Dale Carnegie said admit mistakes quickly and emphatically.

Emphatically according to the dictionary means “in a forceful way”.

How often does that ever happen?

So being wrong is not so bad.  In fact, it is often good.  Why carry around the great burden of always having to be right?

One more thing.

When we are right, it is more rewarding to let someone else tell us before we talk about it.

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It’s good when we consider both the pros and cons of our decisions rather than just dive in and wantonly take chances hoping for the best.

But for many, this seesaw process relegates them to inaction.

They miss the train, miss the trend, miss the relationship, and let the opportunity get away.

Some gamblers don’t have this problem because they expect to win and they are surprised when they lose.

I like that thought but not when the deck could be stacked against me.

I’d like to share something that offers the right dose of caution with the balancing dose of positive expectation.

It’s from Apple founder Steve Jobs who adds two important elements to the decision making process.

Your heart and the inevitability of death.

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

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Millennials hate voicemail.

Then again, older people do, too but they tolerate it more easily.

Voicemail wastes time when the alternative is a text message or email.

Millennials figure it usually isn’t important unless they get a message by text.  That’s a significant generational change considering that there are 95 million Millennials and it might be helpful to consider to whom you are communicating.

And we’re getting so time conscious that “swiping” the text message keyboard instead of punching the letters in makes it lightning fast to send messages back and forth.

We’re getting a little too tied up in efficiency and not concerned enough with effectiveness.

Voicemail is almost useless unless you can do something on the phone that you can’t do by text and of course that is nothing because we can also text our voice.

Email is often burdensome because we run on and on – a short, well thought out email with an accurate title will almost always get results.  A long one, not so much.

Texting can also be irritating when the back and forth keeps going beyond the point of usefulness.

Choose your weapon and then go to work but for every moment you save in efficiency spend that time thinking about the actual message itself.

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The Dalai Lama has a suggestion that really works.

Think of everyone as a young child.

Doing that allows you to be more patient and understanding with the people in your lives and dealing with their issues that may be affecting you.

Imagine the compassion that most of us automatically have for young children that we do not have for adults who make us miserable.

Once we think about the things that compel other people to cause unhappiness we can’t help but to be more compassionate.

Use the patience we have with children to understand the motivation of those who are seemingly impossible.

This approach is far superior to trying to change people (which never works) or calling them out for their shortcomings.

By seeing impossible people as a young child, they seem less threatening and allow us to understand the behavior that often upsets us.

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