Rules exist to be broken.

But responsibility — the ability to make decisions without prior authorization – is forever.

We hate rules — that’s why we break them.

And if you think society needs rules to avoid chaos what it really needs is more people taking responsibility to do, that which is right and just to others and ourselves.

Decades ago in a less independent world, folks submitted to a set of rules for society, in relationships and to employers.  Today, the emerging Millennial generation is leading the way to dismantle rigid societal rules and proffer for personal responsibility instead.

As a professor I asked my classes to help me design a way to test what they know about the subject matter of the course they were taking.  The rules of academia called for a test, a paper, and an exam.  But when you ask students to take responsibility for developing the yardstick upon which their learning progress is to be judged, you gain enthusiastic cooperation and compliance.

Replace hard and fast rules with reasonable responsibility if you want to get things done.

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Sports coaches are hired to be fired.

It happened yesterday again when the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team parted ways with their coach of almost 5 years Peter Laviolette after just three games into the season (all losses). And that is after a vote of confidence a few weeks earlier from the owner AND general manager – that dreaded vote of confidence.

Some of the most successful people have been fired. 

Yet we fear being fired for all sorts of reasons from needing the income to the debilitating effects on the ego.  No one wants to be fired.

But it is a fear worth thinking about in a new way.

Scotty Bowman, one of the two most successful hockey coaches ever with 9 Stanley Cup rings was fired – an NHL record.  Hey the Beatles were rejected initially by their record label, too.  We all make mistakes.

Time for a little attitude adjustment.

1.  Whether you’re flying high or fearing termination, work for pride.  Pride in what we do makes people successful.

2.  Even certainty is uncertain – Coach Laviolette won a two-year contract extension only a year ago.  In life we never know and we shouldn’t be concerned.

3.  Disruption in an industry usually means success so think of it this way:  disruption of your career most certainly will bring good things because it will force positive change that might not ordinarily occur in the same job.

4.  My motto:  suffering is transformational.  Firing can’t hurt us.  The fear of being no one or having nothing could.  And in reality those fears are without merit.

Put this quote on your wall:

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life”.

That’s Steve Jobs!

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“Leave your phone on”.

That’s how I started ever new semester with my USC students.

I said, I’m leaving my phone on and you can leave yours on, too.  But I’m not going to take calls or answer a lot of texts while I am with you teaching and you should do the same as you are learning.

Rules don’t work.

Responsibility does.

Keeping the phone in your pocket or purse during dinner, establishing a “no screen zone” a few hours before bed actually helps relationships and helps us get better sleep.

It also leads by example.

For those of us with children, it’s a bad example to scream at them when we should be taking ourselves to task.

I’m not giving up my smartphone any time soon and I’ll bet you aren’t either.

We must learn to integrate their advantages into our lives instead of let them take over.

In all my classes ever, not once did a student visibly abuse the privilege of being trusted to manage their own phones.  When it becomes a burden, we all know what to do.

It’s in our hands.

Control that which we can control – how we use our smartphones.

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What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

But the real deal on being stronger is that it is a journey through tough times and hard feelings. 

People say things that hurt, make us vulnerable and feel rejected.

It’s natural.  It’s as predictable as sunrise and sunset and there is one sure way to cure the devastating effects of hurt feelings.

Work through them immediately. 

No rumination.

It’s okay to feel hurt.

People who act like their feelings are not hurt is almost as detrimental as those doing the hurting.  Feel it and move on.

When a boxer takes a punch they almost simultaneously throw a punch.

Humans are not punching bags.  We are strong, resourceful and agile beings capable of absorbing pain and disappointment as long as it doesn’t end there.

We must get up and fight back in the count of 10 to succeed another day.

“I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results” – Florence Nightingale

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Sometimes I feel like life is getting out of control, how about you?

But the more we try to make things work out our way, the more frustrated we seem to become.

In every other way, trying harder gets better results, but when you try to get on top of things and reel them in, the exact opposite happens.

Notice how “control freaks” have few friends.

How the employer who has to have it his or her way, eventually loses their best people or their very own job.

Why children who cannot be cut free in many stages to test their wings become codependent in life.

But there is a cure.

It’s an odd one and ironic.

In giving up control, we gain control.

It is a freeing thing when we realize that by letting go we didn’t get hurt and we actually feel good.

Try it today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

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Don’t.

No one likes to hear that word so we should ban it from our vocabulary. 

In previous generations, people like Dale Carnegie could get away with saying “don’t criticize, condemn or complain” – a powerful message, stronger than the negative word at the start.  Back then, people cut slack to “experts” who pontificated about self-improvement.

But today, Millennials among others hate to hear what not to do right up front.  They close their ears and disregard whatever follows.

Try this instead.

Catch yourself when you are about to say “don’t” – if you’re like me, you’ll have no shortage of chances.

Once you catch yourself saying “don’t”, try to restate what you were about to say in a positive way – with a benefit attached if possible and watch how ears perk up.

Examples:

• “Don’t forget to clean up your room” is replaced by “Please do your usual great job cleaning up your room”.
• “Have that report on my desk in the morning” is out and “Our deadline is tomorrow morning – thanks for having that report ready” is in.
• “Don’t talk to me like that” is less effective than “I respond to positive talk”.
• “Don’t worry” is less effective than “Keep your chin up”.

The more we avoid words that tell people what to do and what to think, the more effective we can be.

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For some reason companies and employees have their home life and then their work life. 

And often, they don’t resemble each other.

Too many bosses would never treat their spouses, daughters or sons the way they treat valuable employees and, to be fair, some employees would never dream of treating their job as if they were disgusted with it.

• Mean people get fired, too.  Even CEOs.  Having a heart and being great at what you do actually makes you better. 
• Careers ebb and flow.  When we keep in mind that adversity often presents the next career opportunity, we then see the tough times as having a purpose.
• It’s always helpful to never let a toxic workplace, bad boss or intimidating co-workers change us from being the fine person we want to be.
• The number one way to a successful, happy and prosperous career is to never allow anyone cruel or insensitive to turn us into them.  People who acquire and use great skills in human relations are never down and out for long.

I once heard a psychologist say that it is never an option to quit a job you like because of people you don’t like.

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Think of the focus that Olympic athletes must have to work for years and years for one chance to realize their dream – The Gold Medal.

They work through injury, disappointment, bad luck and extreme competition to get a shot at the accomplishment that drives them.

The rest of us also want our dreams to come true especially in an age of plenty in which we now live.

It’s not for the lack of wanting, it’s often our inability to see vividly in our mind’s eye that which we want to come true.

Walt Disney, the great dreamer, said, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”.

1. Know your dream – if you can’t provide endless details about that which you want, you probably will never get it.
2. Focus on the most important thing that would make your life fulfilled and then assure that everything that you do – where you work, live and with whom you spend time helps you advance your dream.
3. Share it with others because as the writer Erma Bombeck said, “It takes courage to show your dreams to someone else”.

It’s great to work hard on someone else’s dream, but better to see, feel and taste the one that drives you.

If this thought made a difference, please share it with others.

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They say there are no originals ideas.

Only the same things expressed in different ways.

If that is true, then more value should be placed on what makes us different from other people instead of what makes us the same.  A lesson that should be taught to children and not lost on adults.

What makes us “original” is to be unique.

Authentic.

Able to channel our individual expression into what we do.  Unfortunately, it’s a rare workplace that rewards being “you-nique”.  Apple does.  Google does.  Zappos does.  Most do not.

So, how to be yourself when it is not always encouraged or rewarded:

• Get to know the voice inside of you and welcome it when you hear it.  The most important part of being “you-nique” is to recognize when your ideas, thoughts and actions are different from others.
• Have the courage to express your “you-nique” ideas and thoughts.  This is where good human relations pays off.  You don’t just bowl people over; you expose them to your unique thoughts by being considerate of their feelings.  How To Win Friends and Influence People is a great way to become an expert at human relations.
• Look for the uniqueness in others around you and encourage it.  It’s not just good enough for us to be the special person we want to be, we must change the environment for all.

Once you try this, everything you do will be more meaningful and real.

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique.  Just like everyone else” – Margaret Mead

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Our world is obsessed with happiness.

How to get it. 

How not to lose it.

How to give it to others.

Whatever works is what I call good inspiration.  Sometimes, however, we oversimplify something simple that even comes to people who have lost their focus.

1. Happiness is like a butterfly.  The more we pursue it, the more it evades us.  The answer is to sit back, let go and let it land on our shoulders.  Translated that means stop making happiness an “A” priority.  Letting go and looking for moments to be happy – now that’s the “A”.
2. We can become happy by association – when we surround ourselves with people who are grateful, centered and joyful, we cannot help but to become happy like them.  That means, we become like our environment so choose your environment carefully.
3. Even successful people don’t always look happy.  Sometimes when Tiger Woods makes an amazing putt, he is able to wipe that grin of self-satisfaction off his face so quickly, it is a shame.  The so-called golf psychologist, Dr. Bob Rotella, tells his professional golf clients to do one thing when they are playing golf – put a smile on their face.  It is amazing the results this has had for them and that we can have when we try it in our lives for a day.

“The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he (or she) is” –Erasmus

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