Sounds like a big promise – too big to keep – but there is a valuable way to have confidence on demand when you need it most.

Here’s the secret.

Often times we forget about what we have done well or accomplished, but have very little trouble remembering that which we have done wrong, our failures.

So when we need to be at our confident best, what do we do?  Recall those vivid failures that keep haunting us.  The disappointments that are so vivid we can bring them back alive in a nanosecond.

Try this instead.

I keep mental IOU’s for little successes I have had that could boost my confidence when I need it most.  They are in my head or on my iPhone.

Example:  I had never published a paid website, but I had succeeded at programming a radio station.  So when I decided to invest in Internet publishing, I called in an IOU from a past success to give me a shot of confidence on demand.

Better yet, small IOUs are as good as big ones.  Really.

Helping to plan your best friend’s wedding is an IOU that comes in handy when you’re thrown a new challenge at work. 

Confidence is confidence.  File it and use it later.

In the end, this is our new mantra for gaining confidence on demand. 

Repeat after me:

“I’ve done it before so I can do it again”.

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When I was a radio disc jockey in Philadelphia, my boss called the phone in the studio every time I made a mistake.   I made a lot of them to be sure.

And the phone couldn’t ring out loud because I was on the air so it was hooked up to a 150-watt floodlight that flashed in my eyes for each ring.

Talk about stress.

It took the fun out of playing the music and having a great job.

Now we have stressors that we could have never dreamed of even if we work virtually.  Insensitive managers who bully through email and texting.  Inhuman workloads dumped on us with the presumption that “you will get it done” even if it has to be done on our own time.

Then there’s expectations insinuated that are unrealistic.  Add to that family life, personal health and other responsibilities like continuing our education and is there any wonder why we are always stressed out?

Here are a couple of tools to combat stress at the workplace.  Try as many as you like and cross them off when you think you’re making progress.

1. Work in the present.  Immediately put aside past successes, failures or future success and failures to concentrate on the project at hand.
2. Pat your own back – don’t expect others to do it or you’ll always be disappointed.
3. Don’t worry about being fired – that’s what some bosses count on, the fear employees have of losing their job.  Always remember, 99% of the time, you’re not going to be fired for what you think will get you fired.  In today’s investor’s economy, we’re more likely to be laid off for economic reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with our work performance at all.
4. Work for pride.  Athletes who have missed the post-season get a quick and often painful introduction to themselves when they are left to play for pride.  Pride is, in my opinion, the best motivator of human beings – better than money, status or power.
5. Separate money from performance.  If you’re not receiving adequate pay, that’s a discussion worth having for sure.  Where the topic doesn’t belong is in your everyday performance.  Always give a million dollars worth of effort in spite of the pay received in return.
6. Do away with multitasking.  It’s overrated and is stressful.  Focus on 20% of the things you need to do that deliver 80% of your productivity. 

“Disconnect from the Uncontrollable” – Geoffrey James

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Nothing is more in demand than enthusiasm.

The enthusiastic person gets the promotion, the raise, the benefits and the respect of others and all the friends.  Employers and associates love to be around enthusiastic people.

It would be great if employers were bounding with enthusiasm to inspire others. Consider yourself fortunate if you work for or with enthusiastic people.

So how can we get more of it?

Surprisingly, we can’t simply make a well-meaning vow to be enthusiastic and expect it to work.

Before I give a talk, I physically become animated.  I try to talk with audience members before I speak and to warm them up because it serves a dual function of also stoking my enthusiasm.

We can’t think ourselves more enthusiastic; we have to physically and mentally act it out to get the end result.  That’s the secret.

Try this little experiment:  find an area of life or target a person you know where they could benefit from an injection of your enthusiasm.  Then in your own way, physically and mentally warm them up in an effort to inspire them.

This is a life changer.

“None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm” – Henry David Thoreau

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When an act of thoughtfulness or kindness is rebuffed, it can lead to hurt feelings.

An invitation to a party or dinner that is presumed to be accepted ends with the invitee texting at the last moment that they’re not attending. 

Or worse yet, a no show.

We’re more connected than ever so you would think that we would be communicating better.

When we outsource our feelings to other people, we are asking for trouble. 

Be the fine person you want to be.  Reach out to others fearlessly.

And here’s the key, expect nothing in return.

Dale Carnegie, the father of human relations always said, expect ingratitude.  Should you be dealing with a grateful person, consider yourself lucky.  But most people are not used to being grateful even when you are doing them a favor or showing them an act of kindness.

Lowering your expectations but keeping yourself motivated to be the person you want to be is the reward.

Anyone else’s response is simply an additional validation.

Don’t let the ignorance of others change your kind nature or force you to build walls that will alienate you from others.

“Most people return small favors, acknowledge medium ones and repay greater ones – with ingratitude” – Benjamin Franklin.

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Dove soap commissioned an artist to sit with his back toward his subject and draw her image using only her own description of herself.

Next, he sketched the same person using a description given by someone else. 

In every case, the second sketch was more flattering than the one based on the subject’s own description of herself.

The usual faults were mentioned – large foreheads, wrinkles, big jaws, protruding chins and yet someone else saw beyond the flaws to describe beauty.

Why should we care?

How we feel about ourselves impacts not only us but those close to us, our loved ones and children.  We have the power to free our children from the same burdens we may have given ourselves if we change our attitudes.

The Dove project was inspired by research that showed only 4% of women considered themselves beautiful.

Today is a good day to begin to appreciate what we like about ourselves not what we don’t like.  

Here is a short video of the Dove artist doing both sketches.  It will touch you and may change your life.

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Thomas Edison is said to have tried thousands of different filaments before he invented the first lightbulb that would last.

That’s a lot of setbacks.

Often, we give it our best once or twice and then conclude our goal is out of reach.

But what would happen if we would not be denied?

Sports teams that are playing well and then suddenly come upon hard times begin to have the air siphoned out of them.  It’s almost as if it cannot be stopped.

But it can.

Expect setbacks and, in fact, look forward to them. 

Why do I say this? 

Because every successful person will tell you that a setback is the main reason for their success therefore our setbacks are no different.

Golfing great Jack Nicklaus interviewed recently by Charlie Rose said that losing taught him to win.

Nicklaus won more major golf tournaments than any other player in the history of the sport.

Yet he finished second 19 times! 

And worse than second many more times.

When we decide to expect setbacks and welcome them for the good news that are likely to bring us tomorrow, we have finally discovered how to turn a setback into a comeback.

“I’m always making a comeback but nobody ever tells me where I’ve been” – Billie Holiday

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1. Lower expectations

2. Start thinking more about your accomplishments

3. Find something or someone to make you laugh

4. Repeat this quote over and over:  “Nothing is worth more than this day” (Goethe)

5. Dream about the good day that is coming soon

6. Name 5 things that you are grateful for this minute.  If you can’t, try harder.

When we are having a bad day, we could be rehearsing for a good one.

It’s up to us.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed” – Michael Jordan

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When I taught the Dale Carnegie Course, the magic formula for those ready to take on their fears was the phrase “do the things you fear to do and the fear will go away from you”.

Sooner or later most of us get tired of living a fearful life.

We’re ready to step up and try something new.

Changing jobs, accepting a relationship that cannot be saved, our phobias, insecurities, irrational thoughts and all the ways we terrorize ourselves needlessly.

The price we pay for fear and worry is high, indeed – both physical and mental.

So if today is your day to confront a fear to get the monkey off your back, do the thing you fear to do and that fear will go away from you.

As Dale Carnegie said: 

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday”.

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A young relative of two Boston Marathon bombing victims nearly brought me to tears when I heard her interviewed on the BCC World Service the other day.

Mature, kind, composed and grateful just begins to sum up her comportment.

She said that her sisters, one of whom lost both legs and the other riddled with shrapnel were doing fine.  The one lit up when the man who helped her after the explosion visited her at the hospital she was in.  The victim now considers this person – a previous stranger – one of the family for life.

Several other people who came to their aid asked not to be identified.  They were not seeking publicity or praise. 

And so the stories go – the good ones, the ones about random acts of kindness, bravery and compassion right in the middle of this premeditated act of terror.

Terrorist attacks and senseless killings rightly bring the focus to evil people in a world that makes us feel in peril.

But goodness is already superseding evil.

Healing begins when we focus on how good people can be without being asked when they are needed.

It is a triumph of hope over fear.

Good over evil.

Fred Rogers who played Mister Rogers on the PBS children’s show Mister Roger’s Neighborhood had just the right thought:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping’”.

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The winner of last weekend’s Master’s Golf Tournament, Adam Scott, came through under pressure to win the title, the green jacket and vault Australia into the winners column at the event for the first time.

But that’s not the way it was less than a year ago for Scott at July’s British Open where he choked miserably at the end.

Some great people somehow manage to let pressure get to them.  Fellow countryman Greg Norman blew a six-strike lead in 1996 at the Masters.

What we learn is that losing helps our resolve. 

Helps make us rehearse in our minds how we will deal with pressure the next time it confronts us.

In our daily lives, stress is a major factor.  When the stakes are high, stress is greater.

In a post-match interview, the young Scott said that with the weather turning bad and the opportunity that his playoff partner had given him it was time to just go out there and get it done.

That’s it.

When pressure envelops us, go out there and get it done.

“There is a lot of pressure put on me, but I don’t put a lot of pressure on myself. I feel if I play my game, it will take care of itself” – LeBron James

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