Why is it that we remember negative comments more than positive?

And why do they seem to stick in our brain more than compliments or appreciation?

It’s something about how our brains work but there is a solution – change the channel just like you would on YouTube, TV or Netflix. 

There is clear evidence that criticism of any kind doesn’t work but it doesn’t stop people from doing it.

It’s one thing to have them criticize you.

Belittling yourself is even more damaging.

Think of your brain as a chip in your head that records all kinds of input – to cut down on damaging criticism of others, don’t let anyone record on that “chip” without your permission.

It’s real – the medical name is Takotsubo syndrome and it affects middle age or older women who are ten times more often than men likely to be affected by it – and it’s on the rise.

Driven by loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, various stressors challenge the brain.

An additional response to stress can affect the heart.

Mayo Clinic says “Some people who have chronic stress may have an increased risk for broken heart syndrome. Taking steps to manage emotional stress can improve heart health and may help prevent broken heart syndrome.”

It can be treated and possibly prevented by reducing stress – one effective way is to constantly ask yourself what price are you willing to pay for carrying around stress and anxiety?

The end of a job is the beginning of a new career.

The end of a relationship can be the start of a new one.

When the kids graduate, grandkids follow next in succession.

When anxiety ends, serenity gets a chance.

Every time adversity strikes, an opportunity shows up.

Looking at new beginnings instead of endings changes everything.

Mark Twain said “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe”.

We start paying the moment we start worrying.

Compounded worry is what happens when we worry about worry.

The best advice is still the decades old solution from Dale Carnegie whose book about worry remains in the top 100 bestselling books:

Whenever you’re worrying about something, you need to do three things:

1. Get the facts.
2. Analyze the facts.
3. Arrive at a decision – and act on that decision.

Here it goes.

Imagine you win the lottery.

Ask yourself who would be truly happy that you did and wouldn’t be unhappy if you never gave them any money.

That’s the definition of a real friend.

The Handbook on Happiness reminds us when you encounter someone who is upset, remember:  an expression other than love is a call for help.

Respond with compassion rather than anger or judgement.

Enjoy the last long holiday weekend of the summer – see you on Tuesday.

Here’s what Amber Escudero-Kontostathis who was struck by lightning in early August near The White House says according to a New York Times account:

Her heart stopped twice, her nerves continue to misfire, her foot sometimes feels like it is bare in snow and on the worst days there are 10,000 grains of salt moving through each pore of her feet – she walks with a walker and grieves three others standing beside her who were not as fortunate.

Her response is always – “I’m grateful, I’m grateful”.

Gratitude is not just a word, it’s a way of life that relieves the pain of adversity when it strikes.

A new study says most families only have dinner together 3 out of 7 days a week.

Wash your hands, don’t talk with a full mouth, don’t slurp your food or drink, chew with your mouth closed and don’t make noises with eating utensils remain the same etiquette but phone distractions are not studied.

Most want more dinners together but they can’t make them happen.

If there is one thing that must not be disrupted, it’s the entire family dining and talking together.

Self-silencing is repressing your feelings when they could threaten relationships or security and on-the-surface appearing agreeable.

I see it in my young students who are very concerned about affecting relationships by saying too much so they hang back.

An alternative to self-silencing is the good use of human relations – there is almost nothing that cannot be communicated in a civil way.

Asking questions instead of making comments is my favorite when feelings are in play – through questions you can make yourself clear and you get great input from others.

“A champion is defined not by their wins, but by how they can recover when they fail.” — Serena Williams

The Nonconformist reminds us that Bill Gates who founded and built the mighty Microsoft first flopped with a company called Traf-O-Data.

He reflected many years later in 2017 that failing helped him understand microprocessors which turned out to be crucial for the success of Microsoft.

Adversity is an opportunity to get better.