“I have never liked the word retirement. It doesn’t feel like a modern word to me. I’ve been thinking of this as a transition, but I want to be sensitive about how I use that word, which means something very specific and important to a community of people. Maybe the best word to describe what I’m up to is evolution. I’m here to tell you that I’m evolving away from tennis, toward other things that are important to me. A few years ago, I quietly started Serena Ventures, a venture capital firm. Soon after that, I started a family. I want to grow that family.” – Serena Williams on the prospect of ending her tennis career

Life is like a book with many chapters.

Eagerly look forward to turning the page to the next.

Aspire, don’t retire.

Picture this.

I’m in an infusion lab at Penn Medicine in Cherry Hill, NJ getting a boost of vitamins – they also do chemo treatments for cancer patients there.

I’m sitting across from a man getting his chemo.

While chatting with the nursing supervisor who sensed a problem, she excused herself and tended to the man who within minutes passed away – the nurses and a doctor gathered, they tried to close off the area where the man was and eventually remove him without upsetting other patients, but I was too close.

The staff was in shock, some in tears but what I witnessed next was an extreme act of compassion.

The supervisor, Melanie, systematically went over to each person including the attending doctor and gave them a big hug – one, right after the other without even a moment’s delay – a round of much needed hugs.

She knew that sometimes we need hugs and time to recover from trauma and I thought what a great DayStarter she exemplified under duress.  The caregivers were also the patients that day.

When there are no words, there is always a hug.

Why is it that we remember negative comments more than positive?

And why do they seem to stick in our brain more than compliments or appreciation?

It’s something about how our brains work but there is a solution – change the channel just like you would on YouTube, TV or Netflix. 

There is clear evidence that criticism of any kind doesn’t work but it doesn’t stop people from doing it.

It’s one thing to have them criticize you.

Belittling yourself is even more damaging.

Think of your brain as a chip in your head that records all kinds of input – to cut down on damaging criticism of others, don’t let anyone record on that “chip” without your permission.

It’s real – the medical name is Takotsubo syndrome and it affects middle age or older women who are ten times more often than men likely to be affected by it – and it’s on the rise.

Driven by loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, various stressors challenge the brain.

An additional response to stress can affect the heart.

Mayo Clinic says “Some people who have chronic stress may have an increased risk for broken heart syndrome. Taking steps to manage emotional stress can improve heart health and may help prevent broken heart syndrome.”

It can be treated and possibly prevented by reducing stress – one effective way is to constantly ask yourself what price are you willing to pay for carrying around stress and anxiety?

The end of a job is the beginning of a new career.

The end of a relationship can be the start of a new one.

When the kids graduate, grandkids follow next in succession.

When anxiety ends, serenity gets a chance.

Every time adversity strikes, an opportunity shows up.

Looking at new beginnings instead of endings changes everything.

Mark Twain said “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe”.

We start paying the moment we start worrying.

Compounded worry is what happens when we worry about worry.

The best advice is still the decades old solution from Dale Carnegie whose book about worry remains in the top 100 bestselling books:

Whenever you’re worrying about something, you need to do three things:

1. Get the facts.
2. Analyze the facts.
3. Arrive at a decision – and act on that decision.

Here it goes.

Imagine you win the lottery.

Ask yourself who would be truly happy that you did and wouldn’t be unhappy if you never gave them any money.

That’s the definition of a real friend.

The Handbook on Happiness reminds us when you encounter someone who is upset, remember:  an expression other than love is a call for help.

Respond with compassion rather than anger or judgement.

Enjoy the last long holiday weekend of the summer – see you on Tuesday.

Here’s what Amber Escudero-Kontostathis who was struck by lightning in early August near The White House says according to a New York Times account:

Her heart stopped twice, her nerves continue to misfire, her foot sometimes feels like it is bare in snow and on the worst days there are 10,000 grains of salt moving through each pore of her feet – she walks with a walker and grieves three others standing beside her who were not as fortunate.

Her response is always – “I’m grateful, I’m grateful”.

Gratitude is not just a word, it’s a way of life that relieves the pain of adversity when it strikes.

A new study says most families only have dinner together 3 out of 7 days a week.

Wash your hands, don’t talk with a full mouth, don’t slurp your food or drink, chew with your mouth closed and don’t make noises with eating utensils remain the same etiquette but phone distractions are not studied.

Most want more dinners together but they can’t make them happen.

If there is one thing that must not be disrupted, it’s the entire family dining and talking together.

Self-silencing is repressing your feelings when they could threaten relationships or security and on-the-surface appearing agreeable.

I see it in my young students who are very concerned about affecting relationships by saying too much so they hang back.

An alternative to self-silencing is the good use of human relations – there is almost nothing that cannot be communicated in a civil way.

Asking questions instead of making comments is my favorite when feelings are in play – through questions you can make yourself clear and you get great input from others.

“A champion is defined not by their wins, but by how they can recover when they fail.” — Serena Williams

The Nonconformist reminds us that Bill Gates who founded and built the mighty Microsoft first flopped with a company called Traf-O-Data.

He reflected many years later in 2017 that failing helped him understand microprocessors which turned out to be crucial for the success of Microsoft.

Adversity is an opportunity to get better.

Don’t allow expectations to get too high.

Amp up your motivation to succeed.

Avoid the ups and downs of missed expectations.

The power to make choices is always the way back from adversity.

Whatever it was – however it hurts – it happened.

Now what are you going to do about it?

The past is the past but where you go from here is the power to choose.

When a baseball player is in a slump and they fail to get on base, strike out a lot or see their batting average decline, you would think they would dread their next at-bat.

But it works the other way.

They can’t wait to get a crack at it again – even if they fail some more until they figure out how to get back on track.

Now that’s worth borrowing in our everyday lives.

Avram Alpert sees it as a more reachable option than personal quests for greatness – in a sense it is about aiming lower for more happiness; you don’t have to pursue greatness to live a good life.

Another option is to look at life like a sporting event.

You wouldn’t play a major league baseball game to play less than your best, give 100%, learning when you lose, taking satisfaction when you win – relishing what’s next.

“…over time I learned that I can choose how to respond to the past. I can be miserable, or I can be hopeful — I can be depressed, or I can be happy.  We always have that choice, that opportunity for control.  I’m here, this is now, I have learned to tell myself, over and over, until the panicky feeling begins to ease” – Edith Eger

NOTE:  I am going to take a few days off to recharge my batteries before NYU resumes classes again in a few weeks.  This seems like a good time.  See you in a few days — Monday August 22.

The winner of the recent $1.28 billion Mega Millions Jackpot can take it in a lump sum of $433 million after taxes.

Financial consultant Don McNay who wrote Life Lessons from the Lottery says even large sums of money cause unhappiness, winners wind up broke, commit suicide, run through their money (easy come, easy go) and go through divorce”.

Happiness does not come from the outside, but from the inside.

All the money, success and recognition in the world can’t buy happiness — searching for happiness externally will always deliver disappointment.

The happiness lottery is won by every person with a losing ticket who can be grateful for all they have.

Why is it that when connected to an automated message, they often advise you to listen carefully to the menu because the options have recently changed – it’s not believable, but they probably want to get you to listen to all the options.

Why not tell the truth – one of the 9 options may help you get connected faster.  Here’s the list.

Being authentic and honest is a better way to work with people.

Before asking someone to believe in you or what you are proposing, the biggest believer must be you.