When someone dislikes you, they have a problem – not you.
When their need to tell you, insult or bully you is that great, why even listen to them.
We’re fine the way we are.
When we want to get better, we alone will make that decision.
When someone doesn’t like us, they don’t like themselves first.
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If we’re going to worry about things that may not happen, we’re going to have an even larger list of things to fret over.
Since 99% of what we worry about never happens and the 1% when it does isn’t the way we feared, why add anxiety where it is not needed.
Live in the present.
Work on eliminating worries not adding additional fears on.
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Steve Jobs: “Things get more refined as you make mistakes and do them. So I’ve had a chance to make a lot of mistakes”.
Less time worrying about what could go wrong, more time trying to make things work right and if all else fails, experience is a positive outcome.
Forward DayStarters to friends and I’ll keep writing them
The year we lost in Covid, turning within, being present virtually, losing our social skills, dealing with angst, anger and self-exiled boredom.
It’s getting better there is no normal to return to, thank goodness. If we have seen the worst in the past, get ready for the best in the future.
How? Rediscover the fine person you are, don’t become anyone else, don’t let anyone else push you off course – never go back, always go forward with confidence and grace.
Forward DayStarters to friends and I’ll keep writing them
People play video games to practice killing avatars even if it is for fun.
But do we even spend that much time practicing being more human, more confident, happier?
Repetitive thinking helps train our brain.
If we take inventory of our time and find a little to spare for repetitive training, we can transform our attitude into one of positivity.
Even repeating one positive goal a day every day can change the way we think, feel and act.
What goal are you choosing today?
Forward DayStarters to friends and I’ll keep writing them
My friend Tom Taylor pointed me toward the Poet Henry Van Dyke for some really inspirational thoughts (excerpted here) this holiday season:
And with that, much joy, peace and confidence ahead in the new year – see you after the holidays!
Without a plan, it’s an accident.
Intention to make changes is not a plan.
What does it specifically look like to bring about a long overdue change?
That’s a plan.
If you want to be happier, spend money on experiences rather than things.
Things wear off but experiences can be relived over and over.
Try new things even if it isn’t like you to do so.
They say when you’re worried, get busy and focus on something other than yourself.
And when you’re searching for happiness, look to experiences over things to give you joy.
I was listening to Chaka Khan and Rufus’ song “Tell Me Something Good” the other day.
Imagine if we actually took the title literally in our conversations.
Find something good and share it.
Ask others who are negative, tell me something good.
My friend Wynn Etter instinctively did it.
Even when he was ill with cancer, he’d respond by telling you something good (usually about yourself!) or asking for something positive.
We have a choice.
Life does not have to be negative.
We have that power within us.
The greatest gift costs nothing – not one cent.
Yet it is highly valued.
It is loved by everyone who receives it.
It is always in demand.
It doesn’t need to be gift wrapped.
The greatest gift is the gift of your time.
One of my NYU students practicing his human relations skills in preparation for a great career in the music business, devoted two full hours listening to a friend of his focused directly on his friend’s feelings and concerns.
The result as he told it: my friend felt great and I did, too, knowing I had the power to give him something he appreciated.
It’s never too late to make a friend or rekindle a lost friendship if they are willing.
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born,” said author Anais Nin.
That friendship can be re-born to appreciate a second time what may have been under- valued the first time.
Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift are examples of powerful women who are embracing imperfection.
Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero” song says “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem / it’s me, hi, everybody agrees” and she goes on to add “Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby / And I’m a monster”.
Selena Gomez, subject of an Apple TV+ documentary reveals “I get the voice that comes in my head that says you missed this. That sucked, that sucked” after a rehearsal overwhelming her because she wants to do her best.
Music is the soundtrack of our lives — the lyrics say it all.
But there is evidence that people today are able to relate better to pop stars for the very imperfections they exhibit.
In other words, the message for the rest of us may be – our weaknesses may actually be our strengths.
Interesting article that men consider business success more important than friendship.
I see loneliness as a changing human condition following the pandemic that includes the often-dehumanizing effect of digital and social media.
The antidote for loneliness is to be first to break the ice – reach out, start communication, stay focused on the other person, follow up and show interest and concern.
Loneliness is cured by the party willing to be first to reach out.
Nothing is more popular currently than sports betting apps.
Think about it – we bet to win constantly in even minute ways through these sports apps.
We bet to win.
We expect a good outcome.
If we lose, we do it again betting to win and expecting a good outcome.
Aren’t the last three lines above also a great way to face daily life?
I don’t have to get out of bed, just pick up my iPad and the day is ready to go off the rails.
The usual bad news, troublesome emails, reminders of more to do then you thought.
But worse yet especially at holiday time is the negative attitudes of others that they cannot help but share with anyone who will listen.
We become like those around us.
Who gets into our head matters.
I have had many friends in the Dale Carnegie world who handle this dilemma by letting negativity roll off them and offer up something more hopeful in response.
Sometimes it matters to those who need to hear it.
But it always matters to those who can use a negative thought and substitute for a positive one.
My NYU students welcomed Derrick Aroh, RCA Records executive to class last week and what transpired is worth repeating.
Aroh flew from LA to New York City on a redeye, arrived just before class, spent an hour and a half sharing real life stories about the business my students want to be in and at the end they did something remarkable.
At the end of class, and before Aroh headed back to JFK to complete his whirlwind trip, one at a time, five students thanked Aroh in front of the entire class for traveling 3,000 miles to be with them.
But they went one better – each one shared why they were thanking him and each compliment was different. He soaked up the sincere gratitude because instead of assuming he knew how they felt, they told him.
We have hidden powers within us to make a difference – say how you feel, back it up with an example of why and you will soon discover it.
Ever notice how people apologize unnecessarily for some things and refuse to give a believable apology for others?
“Sorry” because you disagree with someone else is not required.
“Sorry” for interrupting someone is better handled with “no, you go first”.
“Sorry” for letting someone down is better directed at you, for letting yourself down first.
When a serious apology is necessary, stand up and give a sincere apology of your choice without using the word “if” (“If I offended you, I’m sorry) because it is conditional.
Regrets are part of life that are easily fixed by never apologizing for being you and always offering a sincere apology when you have wronged someone.
Anxiety is an acquired habit.
We get it from those around us and from self-doubts within.
It has no limit so when we pile on more, it stresses us more.
And we can attract the anxiety of others just by hearing, seeing or experiencing their troubles.
There is no cure for anxiety overload that doesn’t go through you first.
The brain can be trained to differentiate between real issues that you need to deal with and those of others around you.
Preventing mental health breakdowns is not as important as having a plan of action ready for when they happen.
Every attempt to deal with anxiety, loneliness, loss of confidence, courage and burnout can be another step in preparing a plan of action for the next time.
Face it: Anxiety isn’t going away any time soon. But assembling the confidence to deal with its consequences is a more reliable life plan.
Dr. Marisa G. Franco in Platonic: “Loneliness is more fatal than a poor diet or lack of exercise, as corrosive as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Friendship literally saves our lives”.
Even in the age of social media.
Still, it means taking the initiative, reaching out and doing the work.
When we like a social media post how well do we really know a “friends” life beyond “the published, polished version”.
Take action: make small gestures (“I’m thinking of you”), a funny video, a Pinterest recipe, an encouraging voice note — things that keep us connected in an “endearing” way.
I tell my students I love them – You should see their faces the first time I say it but in their course evaluations they feed the positives back (“the professor REALLY loves us”).
Friendships are more than a click, an emoji or a glib comment – it’s a bit more work and a little risk taking to share positive feelings, but it works well in the digital age.