The most effective thing that I do to motivate college students is to put in perspective how time is so important and not to waste it.  It goes like this:

A college student is one-fourth through their life expectancy based on the average age of an adult in the U.S. which is 78.

How important their 20’s are – from 20 to 35 according to Megan Jay author of The Defining Decade is when life is set for most people.

And how older people are happier than younger because they must learn to live each remaining day the best they can.

No matter your age, imagine the advantage to putting time on your side.

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I frequently remind my NYU classes that the average time spent on TikTok in the U.S. is 93 minutes – a day!

Obviously I have nefarious intentions to get them to do their homework assignments and keep up with reading comparatively.

Which got me to thinking that sometimes the best call to action is a statement of fact that cannot be denied to more effectively make a point.

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The time US adults spent at home increased by 10% — one hour and 39 minutes a day — between 2003 and 2022 according to the American Time Use Survey.

15-34 year old’s saw the greatest increase – two more hours at home in 2022 than in 2023.

Add to that the time spent on social media and digital devices, in front of screens or playing games and you can see why face-to-face social interaction – a recognized cure for loneliness and unhappiness – has become an epidemic.

I asked my college students born after 2004 this question last week:  “How many of you ever played baseball or even softball?”

3 out of 25 raised their hands.

More time outside doing just about anything or nothing seems like a step in the right direction to find more opportunities for in-person relationships.

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From my friend Henry Kavett …

Poignant last words of Steve Jobs, Apple billionaire who died at 56:

“I have reached the pinnacle of success in business.” In other people’s eyes my life is a success.  However, aside from work, I’ve had little joy.

At the end of the day, wealth is just a fact I’ve gotten used to.  Right now, lying on my hospital bed, reminiscing all my life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth I took so much pride in, has faded and become meaningless in the face of imminent death.

You can hire someone to drive your car or make money for you, but you can’t hire someone to stand sick and die for you.

Material things lost can be found again. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost: Life.

Whatever stage of life we are currently at, in time we will face the day the curtain closes.

Love your family, spouse, children and friends… Treat them right .

Cherish them.

As we get older, and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300 or $30 watch both give the same time.  Whether we have a $300 or $30 wallet or purse, the amount inside is the same.

Whether we drive a $150,000 car or a $30,000 car, the road and the distance are the same, and we reach the same destination.

Whether we drink a $1,000 or $10 bottle of wine, the hangover is the same.

Whether the house in which we live is 100 or 1,000 square meters, loneliness is the same.

You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from material things of this world.

Whether you travel first class or economy class, if the plane crashes, you go down with it…

Therefore, I hope you realize, when you have friends, brothers and sisters, with whom you discuss, laugh, talk, sing, talk about north-south-east or heaven and earth,… this is the real happiness!!

An indisputable fact of life:  Don’t raise your children to be rich.

Educate them to be happy.

When they grow up, they will know the value of things and not the price. “

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A new study – 50,000 women between 69 and 96 – discover that experiencing gratitude is beneficial for both physical and emotional health and … wait for it …

Those who experience more gratitude have a lesser risk of dying – they live longer.

It’s not just touchy feely any longer.

So, the nurses were asked to fill out a questionnaire about their attitudes concerning gratitude.

Three years later, women who had the highest levels of gratitude experienced a 9% lower risk of death of any cause, including cardiovascular disease, cancer and neurodegenerative disease.

Don’t need insurance, a wonder drug or doctor’s appointments.

Just saying “thank you” is a simple way to get started.

Finally, something positive – feel free to forward this to a friend.

It was my friend’s birthday on October 3. 

When I was reminded on social media, I said to myself that I would contact him later and perhaps write a note.

But before the day ended and on his birthday George Johns, a friend I’ve known in radio died.

So instead of the usual, yearly happy birthday wish, it was a sad face emoji and a missed opportunity for one last good wish delivered.

Fortunately, we have had no shortage of warm contact back and forth over the years but it made me remember how important it is to not put off the important stuff.

And do not postpone joy which is all that matters in a life of gratitude.

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Ironically, the skills that often help people succeed in their careers, do the exact opposite in their personal relationships.

Being goal-oriented, always in control, relentlessly uncompromising can be an impediment.

Perhaps that’s why some of the most powerful and successful business executives are not as successful in their marriages and relationships.

Relationship skills that matter are the ability to compromise, letting others get their way and the credit, encouraging them to lead and you follow as well as the ability to give away the power you have to enable others to feel strong.

Businesses succeed on the strength to persevere and win.

Personal relationships often do better when power is shared, even given away for a consensus compromise.

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I asked my NYU students in our ‘mental health for musicians’ class to write down on a 3×5 card what they think are their 3 biggest problems.

First, I need to give them pencils because they often don’t have them.

Fascinating that it sometimes takes a long time for them to write the 3 problems down because they worry about so many things – just like the rest of us.

By focusing on the biggest causes of anxiety, they see (sometimes for the first time) the real roadblocks to happiness.

Worth a try today?

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20% of adults admit to being chronic procrastinators – back in the 1970’s it was only 5%.

They admit to spending an average of 2 hours and 25 minutes per day procrastinating and over 55 days per year.

If you want to try something to ignite your abilities faster, here’s a plan:

• The 2-minute rule: If you can do an action in two minutes or less, tackle it at the moment without delay, without burdening your to-do list – just wipe it out.

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If someone else insists on being critical of you today, let them do it all alone.

Buying into or believing negative thoughts that come from others is self-sabotage – we don’t give people like that this kind of help.

When people do (or don’t do) things that block their success or prevent them from accomplishing their goals, it’s self-sabotage.

Today’s goal — become aware and don’t become part of it.

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I love this from Oprah Winfrey:

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough”.

And being driven by what you think you want may come up short because when you get it, it won’t be long before you want something else.

The trick is really appreciate what you have now, this moment.

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Remember that diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

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The head and heart often get mistakenly assigned to the wrong task.

• Think with your head
• Feel with your heart
• Not the reverse

“The heart is forever making the head its fool” — François de la Rochefoucauld.

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Adversity can actually strengthen friendships as George Washington pointed out:

• “True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation”.

• We earn the right to be a friend – friendship is not just a feeling – a good or great feeling – it is much more. 

• I love this definition of a true friend: “Your friend is the man (person) who knows all about you, and still likes you.” (Elbert Hubbard)

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“I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.”

— Frank Herbert

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Just because people are quiet, doesn’t mean that they don’t have something to say.

And being talkative doesn’t mean you do.

• One of the most advanced and potent human relations skills is to listen to the other side of silence.
• That which is not said, but can be valuable if we listen for it in others.
• Listening to the other side of silence requires a sensitivity for the whole of another person without prejudgment.
• Being seen and heard does not just apply to expressing ourselves, it’s about establishing a healthy line of communication.

“I’ve begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.” – Chaim Potok, The Chosen

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My neighbor died suddenly recently – she was 50 years old, a husband, two children – one week away from starting college – it all makes no sense and is hard to comprehend.

• The Dalai Lama reminds us of a saying in Tibetan: “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength”. From strength comes acceptance.
• “The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever” – Carroll Bryant.

• For survivors, help – Keeping a person alive in our memories requires no more than taking the thing we admire most and spending a lifetime living it.

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I had a student tell her classmates that she was more than willing to forgive a friend who hurt her after she got back at her!

• Hey, forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you – By letting go, you are able to avoid becoming the person you don’t like.
• But there are limits – people who abuse are better left out, no need going there.
• Forgiving is not forgetting so by letting go of the anger, you are not disregarding the problem but letting it go.

In the end, all of us have control over the person we want to be and while forgiving sounds magnanimous, it is self-preserving so that we stay on track to be the person we want to be.

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One of my students favorite assignments is when I ask them to write a paper and give themselves a pat on the back.

• It’s easy until this happens – They can easily write what they are proud of doing but can’t resist criticizing themselves before they are done (which is not the assignment).
• Getting rid of the guilt – Just being able to say they did something well seems to come with guilt which is of no benefit to anyone.
• The magic is to own the compliment without detriment and believing it.

Let’s face it we are competent – sometimes awesome – and recognizing that without limits is the lesson we should be teaching ourselves for that which we have earned.

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The greatest baseball player of all time – Ted Williams, the only person to have a season’s batting average of over .400 said a wise thing worth remembering.

“Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer”.

• Redefine success – That suggests that we might be better off to define what success really is before getting started.
• Not reaching perfect isn’t failure – No one, not even Ted Williams, bats 1.000 and that’s ok – in baseball, a player hitting .250 can be a multi-millionaire with a long career.

Lift the burden off your back and shoot for perfection but judge success by a more realistic standard.

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