I saw a couple with a TV psychologist sitting in between them, promising to help the two disagreeing married folks get along better.

The husband aired his complaint and then the psychologist asked the wife to repeat it to see if she got the essence of what was bothering him.  She then went through the same drill.  Neither one could seem to repeat the exact objection of their partner.

Getting people to listen to each other sometimes seems impossible – I mean, have you seen your boss totally ignore what you are saying to her?  Or your husband says “yes, yes” and mean “no, no”.

I discovered this more effective way of communicating through a friend of mine who perhaps was and is the best communicator I have ever known.

Respond – don’t react.

Most of us have already formulated the answers in our mind when the other person is talking.  Simply training ourselves to take a moment, a beat – 15 or 30 seconds, if you can, to digest it and think about responding changes everything.

Most of the things we regret are things we say without thinking first.

Responding does not mean always agreeing.  The seconds that it takes to resist the temptation to immediately react and argue or maybe get overly emotional is worth the extra breath.  It gives our minds a chance to kick in.

Responding and not reacting can transform relationships to a new level where we think with our minds and feel with our hearts.

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