We read books, go to counselors, watch Dr. Phil – and it’s still difficult for us to change our ways.

Why is this?

I believe that people – all of us – can be expert at learning about ourselves but what took place very early in our lives in our families of origin set the path for the rest of our lives.

Child psychologists agree.  Our basic personality is set in the pre-school years.

Unless we come from perfect families – and I have yet to meet that person, everyone is dysfunctional in some way or another.  Some more than others.

Recently I had an epiphany.

A person I know died but in his last conversation with me shared how hard it was to choose sobriety every day for decades.

And make that tough choice, he did.

He became sober by choosing to be sober every day – sometimes more than once a day – day after day.  That’s change you can count on.

It’s no different for the rest of us.

We can gain great insights from counseling and that can be helpful but actively choosing a course of behavior is what really changes us.

Each choice may be short-lived but just as my friend chose over and over again to be sober, we can choose that which we want independent of whether it comes easy to us.

Choose to be a more loving spouse than perhaps our family members were.

Choose to be more empathetic by consciously saying to yourself – that must be awful, difficult (you provide the right word) for that person.

Choosing not to judge or shame others each time you become aware of it.

Choosing to fix that which we break in our complex relationships.

We don’t change no matter what great insight we have into our behavior.

We make choices that can bring about a more positive outcome.

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