Bad moods can spread by a process known as “social contagion”.

If someone else is in ill humor, you and those around them can also pick it up.

If any one of us is in a bad mood we can easily be contagious to the moods of others.

An examination of public health statistics also shows that helplessness and loss of interest can also be passed from one to another although not enough to influence depression.

The more people around you who are in a bad mood, the more chance you will catch it.

On the other hand, the happier people are that you are around, the better the chance that you will be happy.

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When we’re emotional or when our button is pushed, we react.

When we take even a few seconds to think and absorb what we’ve heard, we can respond.

Responding is preferable over reacting even though most of us react to things all day long.

A text message response is pounded out as an immediate reaction.  Same for email and social media.

Because we have the ability to communicate without having to think about what we’re saying, we’re doomed to reacting.

I knew a person who before the digital age, took out note paper every time he was angry with someone and in handwriting poured his feelings onto a piece of paper.

He then addressed it, sealed it and put it in the top drawer of his desk.

He told me that the next day when he reached in to mail it, he never sent the note that was his first reaction.  Instead, it went into the trash.

Today’s challenge is to respond thoughtfully instead of react emotionally.

And before today is over you will get many chances to practice.

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Leaving a person out hurts.

It doesn’t matter whether it is a team project at work or a social activity with friends.

If you’re left out, the human tendency may be to strike back or say something that still won’t make you feel better.

A better solution is to not adopt this losing formula as part of your human relations tools.

If it happens a lot or causes anxiety, perhaps another friend would be a better investment.

When you feel slighted by a friend on numerous occasions, that friend should not hold that power over you.  Move on.

Every chance you get, make it your business to include others at work and in your life.

People who bring others together never suffer from a shortage of good friends.

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When you say you will do something and do it, you care.

You care when you give the gift of your time focused on someone who needs you.

Not giving advice means you care about the importance of another’s individuality.

Expressing love even if it isn’t in words is a powerful display of caring.

Being there at a difficult time.

Staying in touch – in person or with the sound of your voice on the phone means you care.

An unexpected text message.

Including someone in your group or activity.

Anything that says I will give to you without you asking means you really care.

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Be content with what you have.

Wishing for something and getting it brings short-lived happiness to where you may not even want it any longer.

It’s great to know what you want but getting it does not always translate into happiness.

That’s why the rich and powerful often don’t have enough to satisfy them.

The trick is cultivating an attitude to be happy with what you have.

It’s fine to dream, plan for the future and want more, but not until we can be happy with what is in our lives now.

Don’t always ask for something wondering what surprises may come your way.

Your first job that made you so happy at first may not have been the one that you were meant to have but never even thought about.

The person you thought you were destined to be with often isn’t the person you never saw waiting in the wings to become part of your life.

Wanting more money often leads to more work and less satisfaction.

Don’t always ask for what you think you want.

Be happy with what you have.

And be docile to what life surprises us with that can bring long term happiness.

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Smiling is a potent weapon.

I have received many comments from readers after writing about the power of a smile.

We’re lost in our digital devices.

Guarded.

To gain the edge, try smiling.

Smile at the first 20 people you see each day – even those you don’t know.  It is very difficult for someone to receive a broad, sincere smile and not return it.

Be aware of how good you feel when you can simply flash a smile and make others feel good.

There is no need to talk – just smile.

This changes the pathways in our brain and because we change our approach, others are less reluctant to appear friendly and engaging.

It works with spouses and families – a simple smile.

So when your child seems remote, instead of picking at why they are not happy, why not offer up a smile?

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The cool new iPhones are not going to make it any easier to win the battle on smartphone addiction.

It’s mind vs. making up your mind.

There are things that work.

Move all social media apps, the ones that lure us into the attention black hole, into a folder on the third screen. 

Ban notifications to gain more control. 

Respond to emails when you want to not when you receive them. Most people will never know and not complain.

Avoid the multitasking that is made easier on each new iteration of mobile software.  

150 times a day on average we check our phones.

On the 10-year anniversary of the iPhone that started our mobile connection, balance supersedes immediacy.

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Lots of money is spent in search of changing ourselves.

Books, lectures, professional counseling …

Changing yourself for someone else is a losing game.

A better approach is empowering yourself to be exactly the person you want to be.

Chasing after people who would have you change the person you are is a waste of time, energy and self-respect.

Make improvements as needed.

Everything good that happens to us happens when we remain in touch with who we want to be and not endlessly trying to please others.

Ironically, we fix ourselves by being more of ourselves.

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When we get pushed, it’s a natural reaction to push back.

Revenge is overrated.

But the more we get back at someone no matter how much it may be deserved, the more like them we become.

The best revenge is to go on with life.

Years ago, a radio trade publication printed a rumor that the one I owned was going to go out of business. I was beside myself answering calls from subscribers, advertisers and onlookers denying the false report.

A friend of mine, Malcolm Rosenberg, counseled me to keep publishing and never miss a deadline. Soon everyone would know that their reports were not credible.

Going on instead of getting back at them made all the difference.

They were the ones who eventually went out of business and we survived.

Resist revenge.

Replace it with a renewed will to go on as if the words had never been said.

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Jake Olson has been blind since he was 12.

He always dreamed of playing football for USC.

And in early September, his dream came true.

A teammate helped guide him on the field to snap the ball for the extra point.  The official tapped him when the clock started.

Olson had cancer in his eyes and on the night before he underwent surgery that would make him blind forever, he watched a USC practice.

The team adopted him as a type of mascot but without his deep desire to “see” his dream come true and the help of those around him, the magic moment would have never arrived.

Never stop dreaming – ever.

Never believe that anything is impossible.

More damaging than even the loss of eyesight is the loss of the will to go on and achieve.

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We feel out of control when we agree to do something that our intuition tells us we don’t want to do.

Peer pressure.

The helplessness of being forced to carry out duties our employer requires without our input.

Bullies invading our space.

Those close to us who give and take away approval to gain control.

Our minds and bodies know when we are straying from the person we want to be.

The feeling of helplessness results.

Resentment and a feeling of being powerless.

We know deep inside that we could not make ourselves this conflicted without the help of others.

When we know we’re off track, no is an option.

Start looking for new employment.

Separate from people who bully or control.

Break co-dependencies by being your own best advocate.

No is the answer to anyone who somehow makes us feel not good about ourselves.

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The Philadelphia Eagles traded 37-year old Joe Dorenbos to the New Orleans Saints a week before his physical discovered a life-threatening genetic aneurysm.

If a younger player had not won his Eagles job this summer’s training camp …

If he had not been traded (he never played for another team and was very popular in Philly …

If his trade didn’t require an extensive physical enough to discover his large aortic aneurysm that was missed in previous years …

That’s fate.

Life is not just about being at the wrong place at the wrong time or being at the right place at the right time.

Along with faith, luck and perseverance life is a complex balance of that which we can control and that which we cannot control.

Often it is life changing in a positive way.

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I brought my car to Costco to have them put nitrogen in the tires.

A young man named Vinny did the work very well and in conversing with him he said how much he liked working for Costco (great to hear).

That he was just transferred into automotive and likes to work in the shop.

But upon further investigation, Vinny also was considering nursing school.

Nursing or autos, I thought.  How opposite.

And there it was – the dilemma many of us struggle with when we are searching for our calling in life.

Often it’s about money.

Or we pick a business that fascinates us.

But in the end when I pressed Vinny as to which one it is likely to be for him, he said “I don’t really know – something where I can help people”.

When searching for what we are meant to do, it is often necessary to look beyond careers and search for the part of us that is itching to be discovered.

It’s a feeling from within not a job search.

The career we will decide upon will be our calling if we first satisfy our inner need to be fulfilled as a person.

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Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we allow others direct access to our psyche to say unedited things that could be hurtful?

Then why do we repeat them over and over as if they were true?

And why do we invite others to continue berating us when it is so easy to say – STOP.

People become co-dependent to others when they allow them to say hurtful things as if they are to be accepted as the truth.

Most people beat themselves up because they have a lack of self-confidence or self-respect that acts as a protective barrier.

Never let anyone have direct access to your mind – even with good things because should they someday take them away, you remain damaged.

Beating yourself up can be replaced by talking yourself up by taking control.

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If you’re human, you will experience rejection.

The question is how can you absorb the sting of being rejected?

1. Don’t take rejection personally. That power remains with you.  If you refuse to make the feeling of being rebuffed about you as a person, it is easier to prevent damage to your ego.
2. Remind yourself that even the most successful and respected people have been rejected –  some of them publicly.  Steve Jobs had Apple Computer stolen away from him by the man he hired to run it.  Jobs returned and until his death the rest is history.
3. Being rejected and overcoming it makes you a better person to manage others because you are sensitive to it.
4. Have the attitude of a baseball player who just struck out– I’ll do better next time.

Rejection is not permanent unless you choose to make it so.

It’s just a bump in the road that eventually makes you a better person for dealing with it and overcoming it.

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If we eat all we want to, our weight gets out of control.

Drink too much?  We pay for it with our health.

Spend too much time being distracted by our phones and miss out on life.

1. Try to avoid responding (it just keeps the black hole of distraction growing). 

2. Never react (social media and texting makes the phone a dangerous impulse device).

3. Don’t participate in email that angers you.  You have the power to simply end it. 

4. Spend at least one hour every day (including workdays) away from your phone.

5. Social media is the biggest black hole of all digital distractions luring us deeper into the lives of others.  Resist.

Phones are great tools but they are so addicting that we hold them in our hand and check them constantly looking for another jolt of adrenaline.

When your phone is in your hand even when you’re not using it, refer back to #1 above.

When your phone is out while driving, put it away.

Allstate has a simulator that it takes around to schools so that students can try to avoid accidents while driving and texting.  No one has ever succeeded.

Put the phone in its proper place and live life.

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Sometimes we need perspective.

The ability to stand back and take a look at what is troubling us.

Don’t let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy, as the Eagles sang.

When dogged by a problem that is causing anxiety, put a hold on thinking about it except for one time per week (or per day if absolutely necessary).

On Tuesday between 8pm and 8:30 you are going to have at it and wrestle with what is causing so much trouble.

Two benefits.

You are re-channeling the problem to one specific time and allowing the rest of your life to proceed without the angst.

And you are scheduling one time to take a fresh look at the thing that is making you unhappy.

The only thing worse than wrestling with a problem is doing it 24/7.

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Dreams rarely turn into reality without three ingredients.

A Goal

A Plan

An Effort

Often there is a plan of action and a commitment to the work that it’s going to take to achieve the goal, but no clearly defined goal.

Or no plan but a clear dream.

And a commitment to the amount of effort and sacrifice it will take to realize the dream is either not considered or underestimated.

Success is not a fantasy.  It is a well organized, methodical approach that guarantees the necessary things get done.

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On a weekend visit to a local arboretum recently, I saw hundreds of people taking in the adjoining gardens, fountains and meadows and only two people that I counted texting.

It’s easy to say use your phones less, but more helpful to replace it with something compelling to do in real time.

These visitors didn’t turn their phones off or put them away, they just used the camera more than chat leaving Instagram for later.

An obvious choice to enjoy the beauty, the day and the company, people of all ages, races and genders were choosing to be present in the now.

The more time we devote to passive digital living, the more we miss out on other things that make us feel happy and connected.

It’s not an either or.

It’s what’s best for the situation.

Take control and actively create more in-person focused situations and the phone will take its place as a helpful tool and not a replacement for nothing else to do.

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The reason our phone is in our hand is because we fear missing something.

The average number of times a person checks their phone each day is 150 times.

Even if it does vibrate, we check anyway in anticipation.

The fear of missing something is eclipsing what we’re really missing – each other, new experiences, the beauty around us, time to think.

Take control.

Spend an equal amount of time discovering something new not fearing what you will miss.

Instead of pounding away at your phone to keep the fear of missing something away, change your goal to have the highest quality relationship with other people – on and off the phone.

Be more focused on what you’re missing in real time than on your phone – helpful reminders change habits.

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