We self-interrupt every 3½ minutes.

That is not counting the interruptions that are initiated by others.

You’re collaborating in a group and trying to use your 3½ minutes to the best of your ability and someone contacts you with input, requesting information or asking for something.

Multi-tasking is a fad that never really worked.  It just sounded good.

Working or living with constant interruptions, some of which we ourselves are causing, is a difficult way to be productive or happy for that matter.

First steps toward becoming more focused:

Eliminate the interruptions of others (example:  set your phone on “do not disturb”)

Do not respond immediately to interrupters, it just brings more unfocused chat 

Don’t click on anything digital immediately

Don’t check the phone to see what you’ll get 

It takes 23 minutes to refocus our attention after we interrupt each other – a good motivation to take control to regain control.

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A teenage girl in Abington, PA was crossing the street in a crosswalk near her high school August 23 when she was hit by an SUV in broad daylight.

The driver wasn’t charged because the girl was looking at her phone and engaged in a FaceTime video chat when she was injured and hospitalized in critical condition.

Distracted living is deadly for safety – New York City has an outbreak of walkers who get hit by cars every day when they fail to pay attention crossing streets – but also deadly for relationships.

Face time is time spent in present company not on social media or chat apps.

For every minute spent safely on digital chat, at least the same time should be spent in real time 100% focused on another person.

It has only been ten years since the iPhone was introduced but in that period phones have replaced real relationships with both unrecognized and even deadly results.

A phone is a tool not a life.

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People want to be included in new ideas and decisions.

Even good ideas are not as important to others as the buy in.

Bright ideas become dull when they bypass the buy in process.

Some of the most creative problem solvers are rendered useless without the skills to include others in their ideas.

Encourage others to “hitchhike” on your idea and offer them a sense of ownership.

Show a sense of willingness to listen to the input of others.

Ask “what do you like best” about this solution and take notes.

Present creative ideas with a sense of wonder and humility.

When one person does all the thinking, they lose the powerful cooperation of others.

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You don’t have to check with other people to know what to do.

Just check with yourself.

Other points of view are useful as context in helping make the best decision.

Fear of failure contributes to outsourcing decisions.

Lack of confidence encourages turning your power over to the person closest to you that has the most self-confidence.

It’s right 100% of the time to consider everything and then make your own decision.

Give someone else that power for any reason and the decision will always be second best.

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Never forget the comebacks.

Recording artists, music stars and politicians know that if you’re planning a comeback, the best way to approach it is to recall all the comebacks you’ve already had.

Did you get cut by the varsity baseball team in 11^th grade only to make the team again as a senior?

This is where all the bad stuff comes back to help.

Recovering from illness.

Marrying again.

Finding a job after being fired.

Making money when you were previously fired.

Pushing back the bully.

Out of bad comes good but not only that everyone has a track record of great resilience if we will only think back to the past and use them to motivate us in the present.

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These 6 steps are more inspirational than any fancy pep talk and can be delivered to others or saved for yourself.

1. Begin with praise and sincere appreciation 

2. Acknowledge the problem or challenge in honest and real terms 

3. Provide help as to how to overcome the problem or challenge

4. Remind yourself (or others) that you/they are human and sometimes get discouraged

5. Vow to eliminate negativity 

6. Tie your pep talk into a specific goal personal or group.

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Between 2014 and 2015 the average time spent on apps has increased 117%.

Apps – especially social media apps – are now the great black hole of the Internet.

Once we’re on them, we go deeper and deeper and stay buried in them.

One way to cut the use of apps for yourself and your children, a growing problem for parents today, is to organize your apps to avoid the attention black hole.

1. Make the first 2 screens of your phone, apps that you just go in and out and use as needed (weather, news, Uber, etc.).

2. After that use a folder for social media where Facebook, SnapChat, Twitter, Instagram and others go.  Check these on an appointment basis with time limits or else become a slave to social media that just sucks your attention in deeper and deeper.

3. Then use your phone consciously as a tool not unconsciously for another shot of dopamine.

I must confess that even sharing these things that I have gleaned from young Internet and mobile experts made me uncomfortable especially the part about making an appointment to check social media apps.

But that’s the problem to be honest.

The phone is not the problem but using it for things that entertain and distract us has consequences.

Bite the bullet and take control.

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Just when you think the country is hopelessly divided, something bigger than politics shows up and dumps four feet of rain on millions of people.

Nothing unites more than a tragedy.

People automatically rise to the occasion and help each other above everything else including their own precarious situations.

There are two kinds of problems.

Thing problems and people problems.

The damage from a hurricane is largely a thing problem which can be fixed eventually although there is always an underlying psychological component.

People problems are worse.

The death of a loved one, loss of any kind, hurt and pain.

Out of bad comes good as we have seen in tragedies such as the recent Houston and Gulf states flooding.

When at a loss for words to grasp the evil of it all, remember the first responders.

They are the light that never goes out among humans.

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Imagine spending every morning devoted on how you can make other people your focus.

Listen to them.

Be less judgmental.

Try to offer help.

Make it about them and not you.

Then in the afternoon, spend your time introspectively making sure that you are living the life you want to live and not living someone else’s plan for you.

At night, focus on friends and family.

Greet loved ones every night as if you are just returning from a two-week business trip away from them.

Phone off – and put away.

100% attention to the people closest to you that matter most.

It’s impossible to make positive change by repeating the things that discourage it.

Wake up focused on others.

The middle of the day is for making sure you are living the life you want to live.

The night 100% present with family and or friends.

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How can you motivate someone without giving them a goal?

Threats work in the short term then fall on deaf ears.

Failure to clearly define a goal results in spotty results.

Money is perhaps the worst motivator because while everyone wants more, it is too vague to bring out the best effort over the long term.

The best motivator for others or yourself is to clearly see in your mind’s eye the goal before you.

Not more money, what that money will bring you that makes you work harder. 

Not more prestige, see vividly what is on your business card. 

Not a promotion, but what that promotion will mean if you get it. 

Achievers may make a lot of money but in truth they are motivated by a whole lot more.

What if you thought about your number one and number two goals today, can you see vividly what they will do for your life or just what they will get you?

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Do one thing differently today.

Smile at everyone you come in contact with whether you know them or not.

I promise, it works.

Say nothing, just be the first to smile and ask no more – move on.

Smiling is empowering because for the most part, the positive chance happens within us no matter what response we get.

Forget that smiling people are more engaging and come off friendlier.

That often, a smile is returned.

Sometimes you even enter into conversation but that is not the goal to transform yourself into the smiler-in-chief.

It is to feel the power of positivity every time you glance at another human being emerge from your being.

Also, it works in meetings.

How many times have you attended a meeting when the leader walks in with a sour face?

Dread!

Imagine what a smile would do before the first words are spoken.

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It’s odd that we can be lonely in the midst of many people or in a relationship gone wrong.

It’s more ironic that one of the best ways to deal with loneliness is to first become your own best friend.  We spend too little time tending to the business of nurturing ourselves in more meaningful ways.

Lonely people cannot find a pill to cure it, but by offering their humanity to others and asking nothing in return, the pain is incrementally less.  To crave friendship from others makes us needier and lonelier.

Happiness comes from giving your presence and not craving that of another.

Just as psychiatrists have found that focusing on gratitude relieves depression so it is that directing your friendship to others without craving it in return makes you happier.

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Anxiety is reported to be the number one problem among women and men between the ages of 19 and 35.

It’s serious stuff.

Repeat after me:

I’m worried, uneasy and nervous which makes me human 

10 deep breaths make me feel better 

My magic mantra is: “I’ve dealt with this before and I will do it again” 

Solving anxiety is not as important as owning it

99% of my fears will never come true so I am going to put them in their place 

Every fear gives me a chance to gain a new confidence – I’m not afraid 

Repeat: “Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you” 

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Dress in a way that expresses your personality.

Wear humility like it is your favorite outfit.

Your quirks are someone else’s fascination. 

Being vulnerable is not a negative.  It makes you human and attractive. 

Different is the new popular. 

Confidence is best achieved by first giving a helping hand or a sympathetic ear to another. 

Your best comes out when it’s all about them and not you.

Print out and memorize.

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Why don’t we take pleasure in putting people together?

Usually the person who keeps his or her friends to themselves is jealous and self-centered.  My friends, not yours.

The best parties are thrown by people who mix and match their acquaintances with each other.

Being left out of a meeting is a common insult at workplaces but inviting others who are not specialists in the area of discussion can be a stroke of genius.  It also promotes good will and camaraderie.

Left out of a friend’s circle can be painful because humans want to be accepted.

When families exclude, they are asking for more drama.

When friends leave other friends out of the various aspects of their life, their lives are not as rich and their friendships not as deep and rewarding.

To combat being left out, double down on including others into your world.  It is in giving that we receive the most satisfaction and help in forgetting the selfishness of others.

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Try to lose 5 pounds a week and it won’t be long before the weight loss slows down and the pounds start piling on in a day.

It’s too much too soon and it never produces a happier, healthier person over the long term.

Hit the office with grand plans to make a big difference today and don’t be surprised if you go home disappointed and demoralized tonight.

There’s so much to do, the magic is in knowing exactly what matters most.

Humans are capable of big plans but subject to too many goals.

And we thought having more goals was the answer to success at least if we read motivational books or follow TED talks.

It’s the other way around.

One goal, one focus and 100% effort is what brings success.

Our skills are best devoted to deciding what that one goal each day, each month, each year and for our one lifetime deserves our full focus.

We have enough motivation.

We have the skills.

We need to work on being more specific about that one thing that we must relentlessly pursue.

Losing one pound a week equals as much as 52 a year, quite considerable and the best chance to be maintainable.

One goal at the office that you can verbalize in a phrase – not a long sentence – is the secret to igniting our latent capabilities that bring success and happiness.

Fewer goals.  More focused goals.

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That’s the average and it’s too much. 

The phone has become our life and not a tool for a better life.

Any excuses for not taking action today will only make it worse.  Distracted parents, unhappy children, a lack of innovation. 

IBM was the leader in working from home and has now reversed its policy requiring employees to show up at the office.  Not because they didn’t work, but because the quality of the absentee interaction was so low. 

It’s not like we can’t make a dent in 150 distractions a day. 

• Stop looking at the phone in the car. 
• And during commercials or in waiting rooms where we could be interacting with others live and in real time. 
• Seriously restrict notifications (The Wall Street Journal may want to tell you the worst and best wines at Costco, which it sent to me, but it can wait). 
• Separate from the phone several times a day.  It doesn’t need to be in your hand all the times.  We can learn to rely on it less. 
• Avoid the black hole of social media.  Facebook, Instagram and others are just begging you to go deeper, spy and chew up your precious time. 
• Put apps that get you information quickly (like weather, news, traffic, etc.) on page one of your phone’s screen.  Put black hole apps in a folder on the last screen.

Anyone who believes that in this digital age we have little control over how distracted we are could start with the above. 

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There is a big difference between “I can’t” and “I won’t”.

In the end, “I can’t” is just a lack of confidence.

“I won’t” is the lack of will.

There is every reason to purge the words “I can’t” and “I won’t” from our vocabulary. Even if they find their way out of our mouths, we should correct them on the spot.

I won’t even try or I will decide to go ahead and see what happens. 

I can’t do it is not someone else holding us back. By saying the words, we are holding ourselves back.

Useless words can be replaced by more useful ones.

I can try

And

I will do it.

Say them a lot and the actions will follow.

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Confidence is perishable like food.

For some reason, we let it get stale and discard it.

But self-doubt never goes bad and it has a long shelf life.

Humans even let major accomplishments expire on a “use by” date.

The secret is to constantly refresh our successes.

A bigger secret is that even little, seemingly menial successes pack the same confidence building potential as a life altering one.

Review successes daily.

Notes on the phone is a great place to add them in as they happen.

Scroll through often during the day.

Successes can be the IOU’s you need when looking for the next boost of confidence.

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The younger you are the more likely you are to text rather than call.

Texting is convenient and quick.

But it is not a substitute for hearing the human voice that also conveys emotion and urgency.

What would you give to hear the voice of a departed loved one more time?

A text message would not due.

Few would say “I’d really like to read one more text from my loved one who is no longer here”.

Text for convenience.

Call for connection.

You may have to work harder to dial or spend a bit more time to hear a voice either over the phone or in person.

Make time for the voice because that’s where all the humanity is.

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