More than 50% of Americans say they are overstretched, anxious or experiencing toxic stress that affects their health and happiness.

Cutting stress is like a diet – it may work for a while and then the stress returns.

Here’s how to get stress under control by changing the way you look at it.

Focus on only one thing at a time – yes, do not multitask, you pay a high price for efficiency gained by becoming more distracted.

Prioritize all day long – right now, what’s the most important thing you need to do? In a minute or an hour that may change so reshuffle priorities to wind up with the one thing to work on next.

Put all worries, concerns or fears in the back of your mind and deal with them at a time later in the day when you’re not under the gun.

Feel free to let others know when you have reached maximum stress level not by complaining but by asking for help.  Example:  Can I have an extra day to work on this project or does it need to be done now.  Often the next day will be agreeable.

And the big cure for being overwhelmed …

Actually slow down – the slower you go, the faster you accomplish things the first time. 

And pat yourself on the back when you’ve been able to shed the anxiety that living in a fast-paced world brings us.

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What is it with people who feel good when they leave others out?

With social media, it doesn’t even take courage – just a few ill-considered taps on the phone.

Being left out hurts and requires strength of character from which to rebound.

Say things like this …

When I am feeling badly about being left out or not included in some way, I am going to reach out to someone else and include them.  

The difference between being hurt and being angry is hurt will pass, angry will either make you someone you don’t want to be or eat at you.

Love yourself.  People who do are also loved by others. Those of us who get needy become vulnerable to hurtful people.

Distance yourself from people who abandon you — no good can come from it.

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You can’t dictate when that will be, but you can say when your quest is to begin.

Do you have a dream?  Can you name it?

What?

Only one?

In your career, what do you see yourself doing to gain rich fulfillment and success?

In your personal life, what is the dream for you and the special people in your lives?

What is your God-given gift – are you going to pursue it or just walk around knowing what it is? 

A few weeks ago I mentioned the importance of a dream and a scheme – a plan to advance you toward that which will ultimately bring you satisfaction.

More money is not a dream.

Becoming more powerful is lust not self-satisfaction. 

Trying to be liked by all, a fool’s errand.

Your dream is something only you know and the moment you identify it, acknowledge it and safeguard it from the negativity of others, will you be on your way to realizing it.

Not if – but in a matter of time which begins today.

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Call someone who has lost a loved one this past year to help them through their grief at holiday time. 

Do something you never usually do – take a vacation alone, or a day by yourself.  Ask anyone who has traveled alone for the first time and ask them how many people they met.  Be courageous and reap the benefits. 

Bring a gift to someone ill or needy.

When I was working at a Philadelphia radio station, I spent one memorable Christmas Eve at the Moss Rehabilitation Center horrified as little children with advanced arthritis sped down the hallways in the prone position on skateboard type devices.  When they were ready for bed, I went room to room and handed them each a radio.  I got the real gift that warms me until this day.

Try to spend at least some time with the kindest, most considerate person you know doing anything as long as it is with them. 

Stay off of Facebook and social media that has been proven to make users lonelier.

Next year you may be closer to friends or a special person may have entered your life, but today you have yourself – the specialist gift you ever receive.

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You can’t really win an argument.

You can bully someone into saying they agree with you or inflame them even further by forcing them to defend themselves just because they don’t agree with you.

Or, assuming you can’t avoid an argument as Dale Carnegie always recommends as the first important step, then enjoy it.

Ask the other person to layout their case. 

Don’t disagree or ask them to agree with you.

In fact, don’t tell them your position until they ask.

An argument is usually about power.

There is a winner and a loser.

But if you decide that there will be no winners and losers, just learners, then you can shake hands and see the other person’s point of view without having to abandon yours.

If you are in a relationship where the other person has to win every argument, you may need to remove yourself from it.

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We lose it when we lose control.

Even the meek among us prefers to be in charge of their own destiny.

One guaranteed way to never be in charge of your destiny is to waste time trying.

Give away your power and see if you die – it’s more likely that you will live happily on every occasion. 

Help others become empowered – not through words but actions.  Take a seat and say, “you run this meeting” and then do everything you can to help them succeed. 

Stairs are for running down, people are for building up – every breath you invest in making another person more powerful, makes you more powerful.

Fight to keep control and you’ll live a lifetime of unhappiness.

Give it away by enabling others and your become more powerful than you could ever imagine.

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Don’t listen to criticism. 

Don’t read reviews. 

No one ever benefits from criticism — not even the person giving it.

When you are the target of unwanted criticism, you become less effective, less confident, more stressed.

Ignore criticism if you can.

When forced to acknowledge it (say, at work), admit to hearing it but don’t dignify criticism of you any further by entering into a conversation.

Criticism makes us feel needy – resist it with whatever it takes. 

Doing better and learning from so-called “constructive” criticism are two opposite things.

Even if criticism brings about change out of fear, it will not be long lasting.

The place for criticism is out of your mind.

The place for self-improvement is to use your mind on your own.               

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Ask “Tell me about yourself”.  Then listen, don’t talk.

Ask any question and you will win over even the most reluctant person. 

Not just strangers – this works at work by asking an associate to “tell me about the ideas you have about this project”.

Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves and yet how often do we make it about us?

The secret to being not just a good conversationalist but a great one is to be genuinely curious and anxious to hear what others have to say without having to weigh in with your view.

Something as simple as talking in terms of another person’s interests can make you a happier and more effective person.

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The number one best-selling book series of all time is Harry Potter.

Yet 12% of more than 21,000 Harry Potter reviews are only 1-star – in other words the worst book I’ve ever read.

How could that many people be so wrong for author J.K. Rowling who made the most money in history as an author, an estimated $1 billion.

These unhappy readers may have hated the series, but so many more people loved it.

The next time someone hates on you – nibbles away at your confidence or your ability to succeed – remember Harry Potter. 

Others are entitled to their opinions but they should have absolutely no effect on your passion to succeed.

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People hover over you.

Give advice from their perspective.

Overreliance on others when the answer is to trust yourself.

Trust your instincts.

Self-help is an entire category of other people giving you their advice.

Real self-help is to rely on your own judgment.

You will fail sometime and succeed others – even Ted Williams, the best hitter in baseball, failed 60% of the time.  It’s okay.

Learn from others, then you decide how to proceed.

Spend more time on your confidence, less on taking advice of others.

Learn patience to prevent panicking into quick fixes. 

Being the best is not about being someone else’s best. 

Depend on yourself not someone else. 

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Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.