The TV detective Columbo was a shrewd but rumpled detective who wore a shabby raincoat, smoked cigars and seem inept to the suspects who committed a crime.

He seemed stupid at times, asking questions – pausing and asking one more almost as if to confirm that he was not very bright.

It’s the other way around in life, people who talk to show you what they know are actually wasting time that could be used in listening and getting smarter.

I worked for a radio program director named Paul Drew who used to put a sharpie in his mouth (not recommended) after he pummeled me with endless questions.

One day I said, “Chief, why are you asking me this? You already know it.”  His reply was “You’re going to make me smarter if I listen and keep my mouth shut.”

You’ve heard the saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we ought to listen twice as much as we speak.

Even better, ask questions, don’t make statements and you will outsmart the many people who can’t.

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Self-confidence comes from achievements not talk.

People who are very successful are often full of themselves but we tolerate it because they have achieved something important and/or made a lot of money.

But money is not a marker for confidence.

We believe in the pilot of our flight to get us to our destination safely.

What if the pilot didn’t have the same belief?

In our lives if we don’t or for some reason won’t believe in us, why should we expect anyone else to?

And once we have secured the confidence in our abilities, no one can take them away.

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In the digital age friendships are being reduced to short texts, quick calls or social media’s dispassionate engagement and that’s not helpful.

Face time in person focused on the other person is the better goal.

Any person who makes focused time for you is worth keeping. 

A person who brags about how many friends they have doesn’t need at least one of them – you.   

A disagreement between the right people with the goal of resolving it is an opportunity for an even richer friendship.  A pearl is created from the irritation of sand. 

Friends who fail to stay in touch on a regular basis are not only busy but not available to be friends. 

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Create an atmosphere of approval and acceptance.

Everyone craves approval and acceptance.  It’s a wonder why we withhold it so much.

How would you like to be treated?

That what we are is good enough at the least and maybe even better than that.

The feeling that we are believed.

The person who has the capability of sincerelyoffering approval and acceptance to others, will gain their confidence in the most meaningful way.

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Give them support instead.

Who likes criticism? Who is more motivated after they hear what’s wrong with them and with their ideas?

I know what you’re thinking. What if they (or you) really want guidance?

Then give guidance – positive steps that support not criticize.

I’ll bet you whoever invented constructive criticism never wanted to hear it.

Because criticism is not constructive.

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That’s true not only of merchandise and services but ideas and concepts.

If you have a great idea for your team, spend much of your effort into getting them to buy it from you rather than have you sell it to them. 

If you have a daughter or son who could benefit from your wisdom, don’t push it, get them to buy it from you.

Buy-in is everything. 

The control that people spend so much time chasing after is nothing compared to allowing someone to willfully arrive at your way of thinking.

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When everything goes right, we expect it to continue.

When everything goes wrong, we know it will continue.

Ending failure thoughts that haunt us is as simple as saying no to the fear of failure.

It’s not about big egos or overwhelming confidence.

Failure thoughts can bring a super confident person down quickly.

It’s about betting on yourself.

You may in fact fail, screw up at the highest level, be a victim of bad luck or circumstances but you will absolutely and positively never trash yourself not even for a second.

Nothing that is worth a person’s time or energy is worth harboring fear-driven thoughts of not succeeding.

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There are more solutions than problems you can think of.

For every problem, there isn’t just one possible solution, but many.

The trick is to immediately start focusing on all the possiblesolutions and not reiterating the problem over and over in so many different words.

Knowing there are more solutions than problems we could have, gives confidence and reassurance that our big dilemma is not the problem itself but choosing which one of the many solutions will solve it.

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Take Eagles wide receiver Alshon Jeffery.

He literally dropped a perfect pass that would likely have completed a victorious comeback in a recent NFL playoff game against the New Orleans Saints.

He was so distraught, the team lifted him up reminding Jeffery that the Eagles would not have won the Super Bowl last year without him.

Still, how do you live with yourself when you let others down?

Let’s consult a West Chester second grader who wrote the prescription in a letter to him.

Take notes.

I love you!  (Don’t start hating on yourself) 

My whole family was rooting for you!  (Someone has your back)

Don’t give up on playing football,” she wrote. “Keep practicing. Don’t get mad easily, I know you can do it. We all know you are a good player.” (Learn from your mistake and don’t give up).

Alshon Jeffery was so impressed with this advice, he made a surprise visit to Abigail’s second grade class because in this case, Abigail had the wisdom to know what we should all do when for whatever reason we drop the ball letting ourselves and others down.

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Haters use love to get to people giving compliments one moment and then overreacting the next.

It seems the world is full of haters because we are so connected on digital devices and in real time.

The best way to handle a hater is not to be one.

Not even to get back at them when they do something hurtful.

Dislike the deed not the person. 

Forgive, but don’t forget.

Take control of the one narrative that matters most – the life you want to live.

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