Don’t listen to criticism. 

Don’t read reviews. 

No one ever benefits from criticism — not even the person giving it.

When you are the target of unwanted criticism, you become less effective, less confident, more stressed.

Ignore criticism if you can.

When forced to acknowledge it (say, at work), admit to hearing it but don’t dignify criticism of you any further by entering into a conversation.

Criticism makes us feel needy – resist it with whatever it takes. 

Doing better and learning from so-called “constructive” criticism are two opposite things.

Even if criticism brings about change out of fear, it will not be long lasting.

The place for criticism is out of your mind.

The place for self-improvement is to use your mind on your own.               

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Ask “Tell me about yourself”.  Then listen, don’t talk.

Ask any question and you will win over even the most reluctant person. 

Not just strangers – this works at work by asking an associate to “tell me about the ideas you have about this project”.

Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves and yet how often do we make it about us?

The secret to being not just a good conversationalist but a great one is to be genuinely curious and anxious to hear what others have to say without having to weigh in with your view.

Something as simple as talking in terms of another person’s interests can make you a happier and more effective person.

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The number one best-selling book series of all time is Harry Potter.

Yet 12% of more than 21,000 Harry Potter reviews are only 1-star – in other words the worst book I’ve ever read.

How could that many people be so wrong for author J.K. Rowling who made the most money in history as an author, an estimated $1 billion.

These unhappy readers may have hated the series, but so many more people loved it.

The next time someone hates on you – nibbles away at your confidence or your ability to succeed – remember Harry Potter. 

Others are entitled to their opinions but they should have absolutely no effect on your passion to succeed.

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People hover over you.

Give advice from their perspective.

Overreliance on others when the answer is to trust yourself.

Trust your instincts.

Self-help is an entire category of other people giving you their advice.

Real self-help is to rely on your own judgment.

You will fail sometime and succeed others – even Ted Williams, the best hitter in baseball, failed 60% of the time.  It’s okay.

Learn from others, then you decide how to proceed.

Spend more time on your confidence, less on taking advice of others.

Learn patience to prevent panicking into quick fixes. 

Being the best is not about being someone else’s best. 

Depend on yourself not someone else. 

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Name 5 faults you’d like to get rid of.

Now, name 5 wonderful qualities you have.

If you’re like most people, the faults will come easy and the list may actually be greater than 5.

Finding 5 wonderful qualities is harder to do.

Make it the other way around.

Be on the lookout for opportunities to congratulate yourself (“nice job handling an angry customer”, “I was a good listener to my mother this morning”).

Repeat:  positive self-congratulations is not egotistical, it’s self-care.

Never listen to unsolicited criticism.

If you don’t like yourself more often, how can you expect others to appreciate you? 

Looking for faults is self-destructive, looking for positives is an immediate confidence booster.

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A crisis either gets fixed or we learn how to live with it.

No matter how bad it is, the problem will get resolved.

The real problem is the stress, anxiety, upheaval, self-doubt, hurt feelings and outright fear that consume us in the meantime even though we know the two possible outcomes.

Don’t panic – toughen up.

Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen because it rarely does. 

Take a pad; write your fears in one column and the facts in the other.  Facts trump emotions in solving problems.   

Avoid people who make you feel more stressed, insecure, less confident or hurt.

Seek out people who see life with positivity to make you stronger and less anxious. 

No one gets to avoid major problems.

But the problem is not likely to get you, the lack of self-care while dealing with it will.

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There are two good ways to cope with the loss of a loved one.

The first is don’t rush grief.  Well-meaning people will say “be strong” and try to divert your hurt but grieving takes as long as it takes to grieve.  The pain lessens but the loss is always felt.

The second is make the person you lost live on through you.  Take their best quality, the one you love the most about them, and adopt it – make it your life’s goal so it lives on through you.  Remember them as if they are still here because in many ways they are.  Laugh with them and love with them again.

It doesn’t make sense to overcome grief if that means to let what you liked about them so much die.

When you chose specific ways for that person to live on through you, it helps with the pain and brings happiness back.

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At work, how many times have you known in your heart and mind that your bosses or associate’s idea is all wrong and won’t work?

Fight it and you get what?

Pushback.

Get more emotional, they dig in deeper.

To win a disagreement – at the very least to get yourself heard – resist rejecting their idea before you present your alternative.

Being against something never works.

Be for something as an alternative and do it skillfully.

Here’s how ..

1. Don’t initially respond to what you don’t agree with, clearly state another idea as an add-on (“hitchhiking on your idea, what if we did this” and insert a view of your own).
2. Ask questions, avoid making statements.It’s the human condition to want to buy and not be sold and that applies to ideas, suggestions, projects, problem solving, etc.
3. Avoid criticizing the other person’s ideas – they will blindly defend them anyway and you will be seen as the problem.
4. Some people are incapable of listening to the input of others and often these are superiors who somehow see their job as doing all the thinking.In that case, compliment every time they give you a chance to contribute (“it’s good of you to throw this open for differing views”).
5. Find something to like about the prevailing person’s idea(s) even if you hate most of it or you can be sure they won’t even listen to yours.

Unfortunately, brainstorming and problem solving are confused for power.

If the person running a meeting can’t be open to the ideas of others, then you can impress by being open to something they said.

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Always ask questions.

Don’t make statements.

Get the other person to tell you what you want so badly to tell them through the use of questioning.

(This is a professor’s secret – the more you can get students to ask questions about that which you are preparing to teach, the more engaged in the subject they become).

Being open to opposing views is the advantage you have over those who know it all.

Getting your way is earned by encouraging others to have their say.

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Prioritize rather than multitask – Multitasking increases anxiety.

Take control of your phone – You control it, it doesn’t control you.

Refuse to worry all day – pick a time, say between 8-8:15 pm and limit the damage.

Reject pressure to succeed – focus on giving 100%, no more, no less.

Deflect the anxiety generated by others right back to them – these are not your burdens.

Trying to be liked and accepted is not as effective as liking and accepting yourself.

Giving up control is the only way to truly be in control. 

Worrying about money doesn’t make you more of it.

Gratitude for little things brings instant serenity. 

To bet against yourself is a losing proposition 100% of the time – confidence comes from assuming you will prevail.

Put fear of failure in its place – out of your head.

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