Having dreams about a better life are the essential compass for pursuing that which you want.

But acting on dreams is the harder part.

Every worthy dream deserves a worthy scheme – a plan to at the very least take a step in the direction of seeing it come true.

When dreamers are hopers then they are likely gazing into the future of what could have been.

Armed with a plan, dreams come true.

It takes many steps to fulfill a dream – ask, are your prepared to take these steps. 

Small steps are as valuable as big ones.

Also have a plan for discouragement – don’t allow it for even one second. 

How many failures are you willing to endure to live the life you want? 

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Don’t look for the approval of people you don’t respect.

Yet that’s what we do – and we do it subconsciously.

Start by being the first one to show approval of your plan, your idea, your life and all that represents the person you really are.

Trying too hard to win the approval of others (including family members), is the first sign that you’re going to wind up feeling badly about yourself.

Only the people who have clearly and consistently won your respect get your ear.

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Stage one – devastation.

Loss of confidence.  Often surprise.  Inability to comprehend why things went wrong.  Dejection.

Stage two – blaming yourself.

What did I do wrong (not what did others do or how did circumstances affect my fate).  Fear of trying again.  Deeper loss of self-esteem and an inability to come up with a plan to persevere.

But that doesn’t have to be the end of it.

Start reminding yourself successful people usually overcome adversity. 

Learn from the situation and be specific.

Never blame yourself – denigrating you is not a winning formula to move ahead.

Be extra kind to yourself – setbacks hurt, we’re human, but being nice rather than overly critical can heal a lot of hurt.

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The hotel worker who cradled Senator Robert F. Kennedy’s head in the kitchen where he was assassinated in 1968 remembers the quality Kennedy had that made him like the senator.

Juan Romero delivered room service a day earlier and remembers how Kennedy looked right into his eyes and made him feel important.

It won’t be difficult to find people who believe you make them feel important in a world distracted by digital devices and self-absorption.

Feeling important is one of the best feelings we can have (or give).

It makes us special – no other words are necessary.

Just focus, gaze and sincerity.

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On Instagram or Facebook someone is having a better vacation than we had.

Or is wearing more stylish clothes.

More friends on social media even if they don’t know them all.

A new job gets a big announcement and plenty of congrats.

Seems things are perfect in cyberspace.

Even when we consciously try not to have high expectations, when it is a tap away on the phone, it is easy to be a bit envious and disappointed.

Disconnect from time to time.

And repeat this mantra:

Keep your expectations low and your motivation high to avoid the ups and downs that are so prevalent in the digital world.

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I was at Philadelphia International Airport a week ago when my printed ticket would not authorize me to go through TSA Pre.

The TSA agent didn’t just show me where the kiosk was for printing a new one but she took me to the kiosk, leaving her post, inputting my ticket number and printing a new ticket.  She then proceeded to walk me back through the line to her station.

I would have been happy with instructions but it made my day to see her personally intervene and take such a person-centered interest.

Philly’s airport reputation just got a reassessment.

All TSA agents are rude and cranky – not this one.

By doing more than I expected, I was not only happy and grateful but it made my day.

The secret in a self-absorbed world is to exceed expectations.

At work.

At home.

With friends.

This is real positive power available to anyone looking to be remarkable starting now.

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There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

Constructive help?  Yes.

Criticism?  No.

No one likes to be criticized even under the guise that it is going to make you better.

Listen to suggestions, not criticism.

Filter out the negative.

Help others.  Avoid including a critique of what they did wrong.

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Nothing helps boost positive feelings more than when things are going right.

And nothing makes us doubt ourselves more than when things go wrong.

The trick is to build confidence when you need it most not to wait for things to get better on their own.

Keep a list of accomplishments on your phone notes  

Review the list many times during the day (it’s right on your phone)

Include little things – in fact, start with little things

Assume you will succeed not fail

Take time to discard any negative comments from others

Trying and not quitting is a big success – put it on the list

For every criticism, add a compliment – always balance them

Never attack yourself

Remember there is no such thing as constructive criticism 

To build confidence it is first important to show love and respect for yourself.

And the most important thing:

Don’t look for confidence in the words of others.  

Your confidence is your responsibility.

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Nothing hurts more or more deeply than self-doubt.

When the simple belief that we can do it is attacked by all the reasons we can’t.

It’s one thing for other people to doubt.

It’s fatal to happiness when we doubt ourselves.

Nothing worth doing is worth doubting.

Assume a virtue if you have it not as Shakespeare said.

Don’t look elsewhere for the belief in yourself.

If you don’t have it, they won’t have it for you.

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Money.

Relationships.

Work.

Not enough time.

These are four of the biggest anxiety producers.

Stress is cumulative.  It gets worse as we obsess over it.

An effective way to stop stress in its tracks once it starts occurring is to repeat this mantra often:

99% of the time what we worry about never happens.

The worry always causes more anxiety than what is feared.

Manage stress by putting it in its place.

Perception is scarier than reality.

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