The divorced couple acting punitively against each other and often their children are an emotional mess that takes a huge toll.

Life is full of people who acted in a way that is over the top – inhumane, mean, even viscous.

Some people don’t deserve forgiveness, but do it for your sake.

To forgive does not mean to forget.

Forgiveness does not mean putting up with continued abuse that must be stopped in its tracks.

Don’t ask the perpetrator to also forgive – forgiveness is unilateral and without strings.

You don’t have to tell the other person that you forgive them, just know it yourself.

If you won’t forgive the other person because they don’t deserve it, you run the risk of becoming like the other person. 

We gain control by giving up control and living life the way we want to be.

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Never suffer silently – articulate what’s bothering you even if it is to yourself.

Hurt feelings are a part of life – they are a down payment on future happiness yet to come.

Allowing someone to discourage you is hurtful behavior on your part.

Being human and feeling awful about something or someone who has hurt you is nothing to be ashamed of – deal with it and move on.

Rule number 1 – do not strike back at those who hurt, you will not be happy being like them. 

Take heart in realizing that life is a risk – when we let people get close to us they are within close proximity to hurt us. 

Pain is transformational.

It comes and it goes.

It’s what happens in between that can be worse than the hurt and there is something we can do about that.

Love yourself a little bit more.

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Discouragement comes from not seeing the progress we are making.

Not quitting is progress.

Failing is progress as long as you try again.

Progress can be hidden in more work left to do – sometimes you have to look harder.

Even knowing when to quit is progress worthy of hearty congratulations.

No move is a good move if you are uncertain – rethink the plan.

Just looking for the mistakes, the bad breaks, the steep mountains to climb – is self-defeating.

Rededicate yourself to searching for progress even when it appears hidden.

That’s how successful people take on new challenges successfully.

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Having dreams about a better life are the essential compass for pursuing that which you want.

But acting on dreams is the harder part.

Every worthy dream deserves a worthy scheme – a plan to at the very least take a step in the direction of seeing it come true.

When dreamers are hopers then they are likely gazing into the future of what could have been.

Armed with a plan, dreams come true.

It takes many steps to fulfill a dream – ask, are your prepared to take these steps. 

Small steps are as valuable as big ones.

Also have a plan for discouragement – don’t allow it for even one second. 

How many failures are you willing to endure to live the life you want? 

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Don’t look for the approval of people you don’t respect.

Yet that’s what we do – and we do it subconsciously.

Start by being the first one to show approval of your plan, your idea, your life and all that represents the person you really are.

Trying too hard to win the approval of others (including family members), is the first sign that you’re going to wind up feeling badly about yourself.

Only the people who have clearly and consistently won your respect get your ear.

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Stage one – devastation.

Loss of confidence.  Often surprise.  Inability to comprehend why things went wrong.  Dejection.

Stage two – blaming yourself.

What did I do wrong (not what did others do or how did circumstances affect my fate).  Fear of trying again.  Deeper loss of self-esteem and an inability to come up with a plan to persevere.

But that doesn’t have to be the end of it.

Start reminding yourself successful people usually overcome adversity. 

Learn from the situation and be specific.

Never blame yourself – denigrating you is not a winning formula to move ahead.

Be extra kind to yourself – setbacks hurt, we’re human, but being nice rather than overly critical can heal a lot of hurt.

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The hotel worker who cradled Senator Robert F. Kennedy’s head in the kitchen where he was assassinated in 1968 remembers the quality Kennedy had that made him like the senator.

Juan Romero delivered room service a day earlier and remembers how Kennedy looked right into his eyes and made him feel important.

It won’t be difficult to find people who believe you make them feel important in a world distracted by digital devices and self-absorption.

Feeling important is one of the best feelings we can have (or give).

It makes us special – no other words are necessary.

Just focus, gaze and sincerity.

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On Instagram or Facebook someone is having a better vacation than we had.

Or is wearing more stylish clothes.

More friends on social media even if they don’t know them all.

A new job gets a big announcement and plenty of congrats.

Seems things are perfect in cyberspace.

Even when we consciously try not to have high expectations, when it is a tap away on the phone, it is easy to be a bit envious and disappointed.

Disconnect from time to time.

And repeat this mantra:

Keep your expectations low and your motivation high to avoid the ups and downs that are so prevalent in the digital world.

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I was at Philadelphia International Airport a week ago when my printed ticket would not authorize me to go through TSA Pre.

The TSA agent didn’t just show me where the kiosk was for printing a new one but she took me to the kiosk, leaving her post, inputting my ticket number and printing a new ticket.  She then proceeded to walk me back through the line to her station.

I would have been happy with instructions but it made my day to see her personally intervene and take such a person-centered interest.

Philly’s airport reputation just got a reassessment.

All TSA agents are rude and cranky – not this one.

By doing more than I expected, I was not only happy and grateful but it made my day.

The secret in a self-absorbed world is to exceed expectations.

At work.

At home.

With friends.

This is real positive power available to anyone looking to be remarkable starting now.

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There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

Constructive help?  Yes.

Criticism?  No.

No one likes to be criticized even under the guise that it is going to make you better.

Listen to suggestions, not criticism.

Filter out the negative.

Help others.  Avoid including a critique of what they did wrong.

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