Take Back Your Life

When people text you too much and you’d rather talk …

Or when they talk too much and you’d like to text every once in a while …

Or when you work for someone you don’t admire and find yourself becoming more like that person in little ways …

Or when you don’t have dinner together but miss being a family at least once a day …

When multitasking becomes more important than accomplishing something you’re really proud of …

And making money no longer satiates you …

And life seems to be passing you by without providing the joy that you miss …

Take back your life because just knowing the problem means you can begin to solve it.

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Stretching Yourself

For some reason we keep looking for major ways to change ourselves when a little fine-tuning would go a long way.

Sometimes all that is needed to be more successful and happier is to stretch yourself.

Try harder to be a good listener – the results will always be better than not trying and you won’t need a course on listening.

Give away your decision-making power every once in a while, and chip away at tendencies to be a control freak.  

Once a day give credit to someone else using a specific example of what they did right and you’ll work on any jealous tendencies you might have.

Then, see if you can give credit to someone else in front of other people. 

For everything you criticize yourself for insist on balancing that with something you did well and the self-esteem results will be fast and palpable.

Take control of your phone and let it work for you not deprive you of human interaction or precious alone time to reap all the advantages with fewer disadvantages.

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The Key to Motivating Others

Don’t screw this up.

If you can’t decide, let me know and I can help.

You’re always late. 

The key to motivating another person is to give them a reputation to live up to – not to live down.

Remember when you did this for me in record time a year ago?

You always exceed my expectations.

I thought about this and decided that of everyone I could have asked, you’re the person to get the job done.

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  • Hi Jerry,

    I love your stuff and I’m a big fan so this is more a “correction” than anything else. One of the biggest myths in business and life is that we can motivate others. We can’t! We can only provide something (reward, behavior, modeling, etc.) that they use to motivate themselves. It’s a HUGE difference. We wrote a blog on this that might help readers of your newsletter. It’s here: http://www.btmgmt.net/?s=motivate+me+please

  • Excellent advice, Mr. D.!!

Checkmating Our Phones

69% of a recent SureCall study says smartphone users check their phones while using the toilet (59% do it daily – check the phone in the bathroom, that is).

75% sleep with the phone on or near the bed.

These people were more likely to say they are sad.

10% check their phones during sex (43% said they checked the phone while having relations two to ten times in the past year).

Our children are wearing us down and negotiating more access to something that also has a detrimental side.

Schools are helping because iPads are a teaching aid that saves on book expenses for local municipalities.

Phones are tools to bring us information, entertainment and connectivity.

When they become our lives, a good place to start reeling it in is now.

In the past week I have taken the advice of a former Google code writer who says the main goal of app makers is to serve more and more ads.

That advice?

Use only the first two screens on your phone for apps that do not require a lot of attention – WAZE, Uber, weather, etc. not social media.

Apps requiring attention – also known as black holes like social media apps, news, YouTube – should be in a folder the way we put liquor in a cabinet so that when we open it, we know exactly what we are going to get and don’t abuse it.

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Accomplishing More

Purposeful > Positive > Progression

Purposeful – Is what we’re trying to accomplish a goal or busy work?  Do we know the reason for wanting to achieve this goal?

Positive – Will this work end in something good that has been achieved?

Progression – Are we moving step by step toward completing our goal?

Often, the things we want to accomplish are more than a short task on a list.

It has to be broken down into steps that eventually arrive at the completion of a goal.

Failure to accomplish that which we set out to do no matter how passionate we are at the beginning is because the work is so encompassing that we don’t have the time to do it all at once or in large chunks.

Successful people get on the right track and then devise a plan to chip away at what needs to be done to reach success.

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Fear of Success

Fear of failure is only half the problem.

Fear of succeeding keeps us from trying and from committing to never give up.

Success brings with it certain responsibilities that require solid self-esteem.

When we don’t believe in ourselves, we fear the success that is within reach.

We succeed more than we fail (keep a log of big things and small and confirm it).

What scares us is something new. 

To overcome that fear, go back and recall all the things you never thought you could accomplish and did.  They don’t have to be similar to the current challenge facing you.

Fear of failure is real – worrying about messing up.

Fear of success is prevalent more than we’d like to think – lacking the confidence to allow ourselves to even have the dream.

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Own It

The term “own it” doesn’t just mean owning up to shortcomings and missteps.

Own your personality quirks and all — it is as unique as your fingerprints. 

Own the moment – it’s always your decision to focus on now or get lost in the black hole of digital life.

Own up – admit mistakes quickly and clearly. 

Own your opinions – they are always available to be modified but never to be ignored or hijacked by someone with power over you.

Own your happiness – your happiness cannot be outsourced to another person or a more favorable circumstance.

It’s not always what’s wrong with you but what’s right.

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  • Amen, Mr. Del Colliano!!

Give Away Decision Making

Every once in a while let someone else make the decision without any input or coercion.

You will live and get by just fine.

But they will come alive and be so grateful that you will wonder why you didn’t share power sooner.

In meetings.

In relationships – especially in relationships – for big decisions and small.  The more you trust another, the more it comes back to you in trust.

This doesn’t mean not caring.

It means empowering others and ironically empowering you.

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Believing in YOU

If we cannot believe in ourselves and love ourselves generously, we cannot leave it to someone else and expect vigorous self-confidence.

You are always right even when you’re wrong and by that I mean being strong enough to forge your own way and take responsibility for decisions even if they don’t work out.

Don’t let someone else live your life today.  We wouldn’t let someone else paint a picture we were working on, but we allow others to paint their version of our lives and wind up regretting it later.

The one relationship that matters most is what you think of yourself.

When you allow someone else to complete you as a person for things you may be lacking, you are giving away your free will.

No one gets to make your decisions and own them even if – and especially if – they wind up becoming learning opportunities rather than successes.

Adopt this unbreakable rule:  never doubt yourself, never put yourself down, never tolerate another person doing either one of these things.

Believing in yourself in 90% attitude and 10% reacting to success.

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  • Thank you, Mr. Del Colliano – I needed to hear (read) this today!! GREAT advice for today, and EVERY day!!! SHARED!!!

Friendship

There are friends and then there are friends.

Friends never have to remember to stay in touch, it happens automatically.

Friends don’t judge. 

They are never jealous. 

They handle their relationship like it is perishable because friendship is. 

Friends listen more than they speak. 

And they are always available. 

A text message is not a conversation because you cannot hear joy, sadness or fear. 

A social network is not a conversation.

I have seen endless posts by people with broken hearts publicly sharing their grief but friendship is when your main skill is to just be there for them.

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