We choose content on Netflix and then drill down and binge until we’re finished.

We don’t like it when we have to wait for TV shows week after week.

What if we lived life like we enjoy Netflix?

Made a decision every day before we left the house as to what our main goal was so that we could be certain to know it and accomplish it.

And then drill down to get more of that accomplishment the same day instead of making it a dream for some other day.

Most of us just try to deal with life, its problems, challenges and emergencies.

But making a decision at the top of the day as to the one thing that would make you feel fulfilled if you accomplished it is taking your life back into your own hands.

Binge on accomplishments large and small.

Don’t wait for a future day to experience it again.

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There is a difference between self-confidence and a strong personality.

Strong personalities are magnets for people with low self-esteem.

They augment what’s missing in less confident people so much so that at first it is like euphoria to find what’s absent.

The danger is that weaker personalities can become co-dependent to the stronger person and after a while feel smothered and inconsequential.

Still, it isn’t easy separating from a person who may come on so strong as to eclipse your true desires as they get lost in this battle of wills.

A quiet person can be very confident.

A loud, vivacious person can totally lack self-esteem and make up for it in their minds by being louder and bigger.

The strength that we want is inner strength.

Inner strength does not necessarily have a face or personality.  But it’s the confidence of knowing that …

You can handle it

You can do it

You can solve it

And you can work it out

Less confident people are attracted to strong willed people and they pay for it by becoming dependent on their strength at the expense of their free will.

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Only a fool believes that everything winds up being about them.

Entitled people are not happy people.  They suck the life out of those around them to win attention.  Social media is the tool for entitlement because it can spread a person’s narrative at a quick tap to hundreds and even thousands of people.

We are entitled to nothing.

Earning a PhD does not guarantee a great job or happiness.

Being athletic in youth does not entitle you to immunity from hip replacements later. 

A great partner does not assure a great marriage or even relationship.

A good break doesn’t mean we will be able to reap the benefits.

What if we made it about the other person?

The client was always right.

Our friends get to ramble on without us matching every story.

Where we spend the entirety of our day focused on others and not ourselves.

Focusing on others ahead of ourselves always brings success and happiness.

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We celebrate birthdays once a year but most never spend even an hour let alone a day to celebrate their self-worth.

How are you valued and who values you the most?

What are your absolute best top two personality traits? 

Who would call you if they were in a dire emergency? 

Do you spend an equal amount of time giving yourself credit for that which you do that is good to balance out being too self-critical?

Quickly, name 5 values you live your life by.

What do you like about yourself the most. 

The best part about a Happy Worthday is that you don’t get older; you get smarter.

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Don’t talk.

Avoid “me to” comparisons after others speak.

From time to time repeat back what you are hearing and you will amaze the person speaking because that rarely if ever happens. 

Ask questions and listen for the answers.

You win more friends by listening to others and not talking.

And amazingly, many (not all) of those lucky enough to have caught your ear, will eventually come back and return the favor to ask about you in a similar way.

Anyone can become a better listener if that is a strong enough goal and here is why it should be.

Listening is nine-tenths of communication.

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Bill Belichick, the New England Patriot’s head coach, won 5 Super Bowls and has appeared in seven.

He was a D list player who had more talent analyzing the game thanks to studying his football coach father than native talent to play the game.

Scott Bowman won a record 9 Stanley Cups in the NHL as a coach and an additional 5 as a member of a club’s front office. 

Nobody talks about Bowman’s playing career because it was uneventful especially compared to his talent as a coach. 

Wayne Gretzky is known as “The Great One”, arguably the best hockey player ever but did you know he was a hockey coach for the Phoenix Coyotes?  A lousy one if you go by his record and relatively short tenure. 

Being great does not mean only being great at what you’ve learned to do on this earth. 

We overlook the things that make us special because even we do not recognize that our talent does not stop with the obvious.

I’ve known broadcasters who have become outstanding professors.

Entertainers who have become savvy business entrepreneurs.

People who barely make enough to live with very happy families without the “benefit” of being born into money. 

What’s great in us is not necessarily obvious.

It’s a gift we have that comes from a hidden passion for something that may even be unrelated.

The thing we love to do the most may not be our best talent but may be our best inspiration. 

Too much time is spent looking for happiness and success where it appears to be obvious.

Look within for greatness where you’ve spent a lifetime chasing your passion.

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Why is that so hard?

Well, some people were raised that way.

They didn’t get credit for what they did well either.

Others are jealous and it feels weak to tell others how good they are or how well they did without also making it about them.

And some think if they give you kudos (especially in front of others), it belittles them.

If you think of the person in this world you like the most, she or he probably passes out credit to others even at the expense of themselves.  It’s one of the reasons you are drawn to them.

We have no shortage of ability to recognize others.

People crave those who recognize their accomplishments and efforts.

Crediting others is a prime form of giving without spending a dime and it makes us feel good about ourselves.

Think of the latent ability you have right now to recognize others without having to make it about you, and you have the equivalent of a masters degree in human relations.

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There is appropriate anger and inappropriate anger.

Expressing outrage in a non-aggressive way is therapeutic and also informative to the other person.

Often, it’s inappropriate anger such as mirroring the same behavior and hurt to others that we are feeling that gets us nowhere.

Anger can be a great motivator.

When someone gets the promotion you deserve, defang your anger so that it motivates not hobbles you. 

When someone you love chooses another, hurt and anger can be rechanneled to practice loving yourself more completely until the person meant for you comes along.

If someone bullies you, don’t become a bully copycat.  Use that awful feeling to become a stronger person with more self-love.

Being the target of anger does not mean taking abuse of any kind.

Set clear boundaries and enforce them every time.

But the things that make us angry can also be great gifts if we see them in a different light and use our anger to overcome the hurt.

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Show gratitude, yes.

Be thankful, of course.

But be an appreciator and you will inspire others in a meaningful way.

Thank you for doing such a good job (and then provide specific evidence).

Be present when others are doing something special (don’t be quick to leave).

Shout out on social media to tell their world and yours.

If employers and bosses were appreciators, it would cost them $0 to highly motivate their team.

If you’re on a team, an appreciator helps smooth over lapses by employers who take people for granted.

Don’t forget home where spouses, partners, loved ones and children come to life when you become one of the few people in it that actively appreciates them as an individual.

These are 3 ways above to begin right now.

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We love dessert, but we can’t eat it all day long.

Our phones are our lifeblood, but they also kill relationships, cause distractions and negatively affect our lives.

1. Turn off mail and social media at a time you are comfortable with every day (the French don’t do business email after work, it’s the law in France).
2. Strictly limit social media – it is the black hole of our digital lives. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and other social networks are hard to pull out of once you start scrolling.
3. Spend as much time face-to-face with friends as you do with email, texting or social media otherwise your friendships will be compromised.
4. Put your phone away. Parents often use their children as an excuse to put their phones on the dinner table. The phone is a tool and not a lifestyle. (Before iPhones only ten years ago, parents would leave contact numbers with sitters and did not check in with them during the evening.  That system still works).
5. Spend at least one hour a day away from your phone. Yes, you will survive.

Augmented reality and virtual reality are on the way with a new generation of phones coming soon to further divert us from the here and now.

Because the phone is like a dopamine pump in which we have so many ways to check it, swipe it or touch it to get a jolt, it’s time to take serious steps toward keeping these great devices for the advances they bring and not the relationships that they are increasingly killing.

It’s in our hands.

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