There are 3 usual responses.
Panic, deny and run.
Or rise to the task.
Every opportunity changes the way the brain is wired.
Being committed to act decisively and without fear is a rehearsal for overcoming the problem.
Most people get undone when something goes wrong.
But imagine if you are ready to respond before something goes wrong.
Less fear, no denial and never panic.
Anticipate the worst to be ready to do your best.
When a baseball player makes an out – even strikes out, no matter what they feel when they walk back to the dugout, they can’t wait to bat again.
That’s how we should do it.
Fail and get back and try again but with one big difference.
Relish the opportunity.
Even if it leads to the same result.
It’s not how many times we try.
It’s how we relish each attempt.
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Instead of giving up chocolate or fasting give up self-neglect
That’s what Columbia Theological Seminary professor Chanequa Walker-Barnes is doing to reverse the usual Lenten practices.
Committing to healthy eating, yoga, meditation, making do with what she had instead of getting something new.
Self-care is a workaround for the neglect of living in a demanding world that deemphasizes mental wellness.
Sacrifice has its place and adding psychologically healthy practices can also be beneficial.
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The brain is not wired for happiness
The brain is designed as an instrument for survival and safety not peace and happiness – think of our cave dwelling predecessors.
You have to tell your brain constantly to switch off the inflammatory stuff and increase the immunity to happiness.
The good news is stress is not a creation we all made up – it’s real, how the brain operates so blaming ourselves for unhappiness is unproductive.
Tell yourself you are having a good time in your life on this planet because when we feel miserable or negative, we are only hurting our chances to overcome the brain’s biases and find happiness.
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It’s not what other people think that holds us back.
It’s how we look at ourselves.
But that person is not you.
What you are today is you.
More important than failing to become that which you are not is to never stop trying.
No one perfect lives on this earth.
Be the fine person you are.
Don’t look to anyone else to tell you that.
Look at yourself favorably and others will do the same.
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That’s a question one of my stress course in the music industry students asked aloud last week.
Most evidence shows we are heavily influenced in the early years of life by our families.
If change is desired, the will to do it must exceed the need.
Golfers who hit a slice can eliminate it through hard work but when it returns as it often does, the will to eliminate the unhelpful swing must exceed the need.
Yes, we can change.
No, it is not permanent unless that change is important enough to us to outwork the thing we want to improve.
That ability makes us more powerful than we often realize.
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It took Muppet Elmo to pose the question and everyone’s been talking about it since – Larry David has even used the opportunity to polish his brand.
In a world where there’s a lot of talking, this suggests more listening.
Even posing the question “how are you doing?” is healing.
Not just “how are you doing” but leaning forward and listening to the response.
No grading, no talking.
Turns out saying nothing after asking the question is speaking volumes.
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Booker T. Washington said “if you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else”.
Today, there will be many chances to focus on this.
Focusing on others reduces anxiety and is a gift returned to you on every occasion.
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In her acceptance speech for winning an Oscar for Best Original Song in 2018 she said:
“There’s a discipline for passion, and it’s not about how many times you get rejected or you fall down, or you’re beaten up. It’s about how many times you stand up, and are brave, and you keep going.”
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You can’t expect to outsource self-confidence by looking for it elsewhere.
It starts from within.
Most of us spend a lifetime learning how to doubt ourselves and when we look to others for the confidence we don’t have, it doesn’t work.
Believe in you.
Never look to others for that which you don’t have.
Erase a lifetime of doubt by retraining your brain to believe in you.
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