One of the most popular workarounds my music business students like – maybe even love – is don’t postpone joy.

We are constantly in search of victories personally and in our careers and when we get them, there is a tendency to move right on to the next challenge.  We forget to celebrate or even appreciate what we’ve done.

And the victories don’t have to be earthshattering because even the smallest thing that makes you happy retrains the brain to do more –yes the brain can be retrained.

As Mayo Clinic physician Amit Sood says joy is not a reward, it’s a daily practice and that waiting to be happy trains the brain to delay contentment.

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A recent Wired article says there is a real talent war for plumbers and electricians due to the AI boom in data center construction – skilled laborers are retiring and replacements are not on the way.

My NYU music students fear AI because robotically built songs are already finding their way onto music charts.  And record labels are not exactly slamming the door on AI-infused music, just looking for a way to license it.

AI is here – helpful in some ways, not so much in others and disruptive without a doubt.

I asked a chatbot who will prevail – humans or AI and here’s its answer:  “Real humans will prevail, because AI can scale ideas—but only people can build, fix, power, and sustain the physical world those ideas depend on.”

Artificial intelligence scrapes existing human thought without the ability to think. Humans are indispensable even if companies are trying to use it to eliminate some jobs.

Taking a less threatening view might be Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak “Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.”

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Who makes it safely off a sinking ship first?  Women and Children?

In a 2011 Swedish study crew members of ships in trouble were very helpful – to themselves.  As the New York Times reported: “Compared with passengers, they were 18.7 percent more likely to survive, the researchers found. Children fared worst: Of 621 on the ships, only 95, or 15.3 percent, lived on.”

It gets worse, there’s no evidence that the captain goes down with the ship suggesting that even where trust is strong, in the end our lives are in our own hands.

This is the point of resilience – Resilience isn’t assuming the worst in people — it’s refusing to assume they’ll save you.

Oprah says “You are responsible for your own life. If you’re sitting around waiting on someone to save you, fix you, even heal you — you’re wasting your time.”

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Apple founder Steve Jobs was fond of saying don’t live someone else’s life.  Don’t let other people’s expectations, rules, or fears decide how you live.

In his 2005 Stanford commencement speech, Jobs said “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

Don’t chose to remain in a career or job because of someone else’s expectations.

Don’t follow a path just because it’s safe or approved.

Don’t measure your success by someone else’s scoreboard when the real secret is to measure success by comparing it to you.

Jobs was warning that it’s easy to wake up one day and realize you’ve been performing a role instead of living a life — checking boxes that belong to parents, bosses, society, or peers.  Life is too short to be a stand-in for someone else’s script.

Jobs’ exact words resonate loudly in a world where people are burdened to live in the fast lane.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

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New Jersey became the latest state to outlaw phones in the classroom from bell-to-bell. Mom, dads and schools have figured out a way to help their young ones focus on learning.

In my college classroom, we’ve been screen-free for many years – and I always say I don’t really know what attention deficit looks like because no matter what the condition, students can concentrate on being present (that is if I don’t throw a PowerPoint up on a screen).

Helping people separate from texting in the back of the classroom is not a punishment. I can’t tell you the number of students who, in front of classmates, thank the professor for asking them to turn their devices off.

In fact, I only have to say it once – in the first class.  No need to mention it again.

Phones aren’t just a student problem, they’re a human one choosing engagement over noise.

Author Jenny Odell says “In a world that profits from your distraction, paying attention is a radical act.”

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If you’re feeling foggy after the recent two-week holiday period, there are actually brain exercises to sharpen up.

• Do simple daily tasks with your “wrong” hand. Things like brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand forces your brain to actively solve the problem, waking it up from autopilot mode.
• Make small changes to your physical space.  Simply switching the side of the bed you sleep on or moving a few items on a shelf forces your brain’s internal “GPS” to create a new map and stop feeling stuck.
• Play a quick color or word mix-up game.  Look for a color word (like “Red”) printed in a different color ink, or name what an object is not. This creates a fun mental conflict that sharpens your focus.

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled” — Plutarch, biographer and essayist.

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I was painfully shy growing up in the suburbs of Pennsylvania so much so my teachers told my parents that they should put me into a theater group.  I hated it.

But I loved radio and loved music practicing being a dj in my room using a tape recorder I bought from mowing lawns.

Radio allowed me to overcome my overt shyness, but some of it remains and I’m appreciating that as well.

When my college students exhibit signs of shyness, this professor welcomes it.

What was thought to be an insurmountable obstacle turned out to be the stimulus to overcome a perceived disadvantage.

Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking notes “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”

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Nothing hurts more or more deeply than self-doubt.

When the simple belief that we can do it is attacked by all the reasons we can’t.

It’s one thing for other people to doubt.

It’s fatal to happiness when we doubt ourselves.

Nothing worth doing is worth doubting.

Don’t look elsewhere for the belief in yourself.

If you don’t have it, they won’t have it for you.

Assume a virtue if you have it not as Shakespeare said.

Pass it on

“If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.” —   Charles de Montesquieu, writer/philosopher

We humans are sure competitive – happiness alone is not enough, we want to be happier than others.  True happiness is simple, but our constant comparison to others—who we imagine are happier than they really are—makes it nearly impossible. This is what I tell my young NYU college students:  measure your happiness only against your yesterday, not against anyone else’s today.

We’ll be off until the new year. Cheryl and I send you every wish for happiness!

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SPOILER ALERT:  I’m going to brag about my music business students.

I very recently had BMG Records VP JoJamie Hahr visit with them to discuss the industry, careers, pitfalls – the worry about AI artists replacing humans, you know – a great list of topics that they researched and questioned her on.

But what was different was at the end, each one (there were 25 present) told her why what she said that resonated with them and cited specific evidence so as to avoid mere flattery. The speaker has been a guest in prior classes but she whispered to me under her breath “this is my favorite part”.

Parents often get a bad rap, but they must be doing something right.  Giving unsolicited praise backed up by evidence is the most powerful and memorable “thank you” anyone can get and these young folks delivered.

Legendary NFL coach Bill Walsh used to say “Nothing is more effective than sincere, accurate praise, and nothing is more lame than a cookie-cutter compliment.”

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I have several friends currently fighting cancer and it is such an inspiration.  Their positivity. Their gratitude. And hope.  I am feeling a gift from each of them.  I’ll give you an example:  one person is in Chicago and spending his time counseling other people – he says the more he thinks about them, the less he worries about himself.  His resolve seems to increase with his ability to focus on others in the present.  Resuming life’s tasks is another inspiration I have been fortunate to witness.

Studies on post-traumatic growth show survivors often report deeper appreciation for life, stronger relationships, and a clearer sense of purpose—sometimes rating their overall well-being higher than before diagnosis.

It’s not that the threat vanishes; it’s that priorities crystallize. Everyday moments gain weight. Gratitude isn’t forced—it’s earned through recalibration. “Enjoy every day without worrying about the next.”

Or as Stanford’s Cancer Supportive Care puts it “The threat of death often renews our appreciation of the importance of life.”

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As a dj and radio program director, it always impressed me how spending 3 to 5 hours alone in a studio with no windows and too small for a mousetrap could make audiences feel like they’re not alone.

Today most radio stations do all or the majority of their programming with voice tracks very often piped in digitally from out of their locale.  Maybe it’s why radio listening is declining among all age groups. I knew a talk show host who did his show lying down on his back – he didn’t have a bad back but a good way to focus on each individual.

So, I’m thinking being alone in a physical location does not mean that you cannot connect with others – the modern version is Zoom or FaceTime.  But the technology is not as important as the frame of mind.

It’s not the physical presence that creates connection — it’s the intentional attention to an audience (even of one), something automation and detachment cannot.

Master communicator Walter Cronkite with audiences in the millions put it like this:  “You don’t talk to a mass audience. You talk to one person at a time.”

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A lot of people won’t admit it, but here’s the truth: most of us are running on fumes — doing everything for everyone and wondering why nothing feels finished.  The real problem isn’t that we have too much to do.  It’s that we’ve stopped putting ourselves on the list.

Burnout researcher Christina Maslach confirms chronic stress comes from no recovery window, not from hard work itself.  Even a small bit of recovery time breaks the burnout cycle.  Research shows that even a small patch of protected time — ten minutes that actually belongs to you —  starts reversing the burnout pattern.

Author Etty Hillesum sums it up:  “Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”  

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Every day starts with two choices: drag yesterday forward, or give today a clean slate. Most people never even notice they’re carrying the whole week on their back.

You get two options when the day begins: replay yesterday or rewrite today. Most people hit “repeat” without even knowing it.  People perform better when they perceive they are starting from a fresh slate — a new day, week, or goal.

Researchers say most morning stress isn’t today’s problem — it’s yesterday’s residue best dropped on the floor before you go to bed.

“Always we begin again” — St. Benedict

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We humans are tough – on ourselves.

Psychologist Tim Pychyl (Carleton University in Ottawa) and his procrastination research show people consistently misjudge their own progress by comparing themselves to imagined or idealized versions of themselves — not reality.

A 2020 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin finds people systematically overestimate how far behind others they are because they see only their own struggles but only others’ outcomes.

People feel “behind” because they compare their messy reality to everyone else’s highlight reel — a psychological distortion proven in multiple studies.

Or as Teddy Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

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I know a 94-year-old man who is a priest and family counselor recently called back from New Jersey to Chicago where his Order is headquartered leaving behind many clients a thousand miles away.  But he’s not done.  Illnesses couldn’t stop him.  Moving away didn’t either as he conducts virtual sessions.  Oh, he’s going to be doing podcasts soon.

With him, it’s not about age as long as he feels able.  He told me he is going to die with his boots on – that, he never worries about the future because no one – even someone 80 years younger – can predict it.  And he dismisses the past because you really can’t live there.  It’s inspiring to see someone on a mission and deriving such joy from living in the now – today, this moment without regard to what the future may bring.

That attitude also helps us reduce anxiety and worry – because we have learned to get pretty good at solving problems, something many of us forget.

Time only works against you when you stop using it.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”  –Thoreau, Walden (1854)

People buy lottery tickets to outsource hope — it’s safer than betting on themselves.

Buying a ticket takes seconds. Betting on yourself takes time, work and consistency.  If the ticket loses, no shame. If you fail at something you tried, it feels personal. Lotteries give an immediate hit of anticipation. Personal goals pay off slowly.  Lottery odds are fixed. Life odds aren’t — people prefer certainty, even when it’s bad.

A losing ticket isn’t your fault. A personal setback feels like it is.  The lottery lets you dream without responsibility — betting on yourself doesn’t.

Of course, you can always make the odds better by choosing one small action you can control instead of a chance you can’t.

Leave it to a Roman philosopher (Seneca) to conclude:  “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

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When my daughter was young, she had a collection of Barbie dolls that she loved to play with along with dad – why me?  I provided the voices and personalities for half of her collection.  But today, companies like Curio are producing chatbot dolls that use WiFi to let AI do the talking.

These stuffed animals can run up to $100 and instead of encouraging play, they are replacing it.  Names like ChattyBear the A.I.-Smart Learning Plushie and Poe the A.I. Story Bear.  But I’m heartbroken to learn Mattel, maker of Barbie has entered into an agreement to let Open AI do the talking.

Once my daughter during a play wedding ceremony between Barbie and Ken, officiated by asking a question I guess she heard but didn’t understand:  “Do you take this man to be your awful wedded husband”.  I cracked up.  Not lawful wedded husband!

AI is either going to be the greatest thing that happened to civilization in 100 years or a big bust but it’s a warning that nothing can replace the human imagination.

As film producer Joss Whedon says “The nice thing about human beings is that they just go ahead and make up stories and that’s what we have always done.”

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If you could visit the farmer’s market with me every week, you would see me stand over the string bean bin and hand pick each — one at a time.  I learned this from watching my mother as a child.

Why do you think they called them string beans?  They’re not always tender. Now, they are green beans.  Who knew?  Even when the farmers tell me in advance that the beans are tender – I still buy only the hand-picked ones I have dug through.

In a way I make friends the same way – welcoming all, choosing the ones that feel just right — careful, deliberate.

As Oprah put it:  “I am very careful about the people I choose to be close to. I pick my friends the way I pick my vegetables—one at a time, and only the very best.”

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In the Inner Game of Golf, Timothy Gallwey assures players that when they lose confidence in their putting, it’s okay to switch putters.  It’s not necessarily the science behind it, just the keen understanding of humans that sometimes we should try something new.

The great radio program director John Gehron who famously dominated Chicago airwaves with his programming, often takes a different walk to work – sometimes delighting the rest of us with photos of what he discovers.  John posted this note with a glorious picture:  “The 4th Presbyterian Church on Michigan Avenue is where we were married. Walked by the other day during the week and the doors were open for visitors.”

Sometimes the best discoveries aren’t new at all — they’re just waiting for us to notice. A small detour. A new tool. A fresh way of seeing what’s always been there.

That’s the inner game: the courage to change something, and let it change us back.

From educator Jessie Potter to Henry Ford the insanity of doing the same things over and over is encapsulated in this:  “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” 

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