The LA Dodgers advanced in their playoff series with the Phillies after relief pitcher Orion Kerkering failed to cleanly field a ball hit at him on the mound as a Dodger runner was heading home to win the game.  All he had to do was throw the ball to first base and the inning would have safely ended.  He panicked and threw a wild throw to home plate and is now struggling to live with a huge mistake that eliminated his team from postseason playoffs.

His teammates are rallying behind him but it begs the question that many often feel when they have let others down not for lack of trying.  Mistakes made under pressure have a way of freezing in time, replaying endlessly in our minds. Kerkering’s error wasn’t from lack of effort but from being human — the moment when instinct and fear collide.

Eventually, he may arrive at the comforting thought that what defines him now isn’t the wild throw, but how he learns to stand on the mound again, proof that redemption often begins where perfection ends.

As Viktor Frankl said “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

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The house across from mine is getting a new roof and as I was assessing its progress, I saw a roofer standing on the crest with his phone in hand. Yes, this experienced worker even walked never taking his eyes off his phone.

As if that high wire act wasn’t enough, a second worker removed his jacket and sat on the top of the house waiting for more shingles to be hoisted – glued to his phone.

NYU Professor Jonathan Haidt treats problematic phone use as a kind of addiction that must be managed by building strong off-screen habits — for example, creating large chunks of time during the day (or week) when devices are off, enforcing “phone-free” zones (like schools or bedrooms), and delaying or limiting social media/phone access in youth to help break the cycle.

Or as they sarcastically say on social media “You need to touch some grass.”

“If your world fits in your hand, you’ve already made it too small.”

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One of my favorite college professors was Harry Weinberg – his course was general semantics and his book was called Levels of Knowing and Existence.  I know, it seems boring but it was fascinating. I took it with my best friend Bob Donze (he got an A, I got a B but don’t remind him).

In one class, Weinberg who had suffered a stroke previously and talked with a speech impediment as a result asked the class “what color is a red light?”  We laughed and made fun of him (hope my NYU students are not reading this part).  This foolishness went on for an hour until the bell rang and he said one last time “what color is a red light?” Wait until you hear his answer.

RED.  Unless you are color blind.  His point:  by adding “to me” the light is red makes it a fact because it can be observed and verified.  To someone else, red may be a different color.

It wasn’t really about traffic lights — it was about perspective. Weinberg was teaching us that truth is not always absolute but filtered through experience. That lesson feels even more urgent now, when algorithms, echo chambers, and social feeds convince us our “red” is the only red.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” — Marcus Aurelius

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Some days are just impossible to get through – things go wrong, life happens, and somehow we persist. My broadcasting friends who read this know the many human problems that they have had to overcome to rise above sadness and make the show go on. Here’s one that motivates me from Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers):

“My greatest challenge?  I suppose to walk through the door and sing ‘It’s A Beautiful Day in this Neighborhood’ when I have had a real sadness in my life. I had to go to Miami one hour after my father’s funeral because they were having a Mister Rogers Day there that could not be cancelled. We had 23 fifteen-minute performances in one day. I had to sing ‘It’s A Beautiful Day in this Neighborhood’ for each one of them.”

Even in the hardest moments, he chose presence over pain — a reminder that showing up with kindness can be its own kind of healing.

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I asked one of my classes what they would do if they were stranded on a deserted island with no food but they could have either Spotify or TikTok, not both.  You see, I wanted to find out which music app they really like best.  After all, it’s a music business class.

One asked where can they charge their phones on this island – see how practical they are? I said you get to crank a box for 20 minutes to get 20 minutes of battery time.  One student said, she would probably choose Spotify because it would allow her to get over her TikTok addiction (moms and dads, it’s 93 minutes a day among American users).

More importantly, I am getting a sense with this new crop of students starting school in the Fall that they are very aware of the dangers of being too connected and want to do something about it.

By the way, 12 chose Spotify, 10 chose TikTok and almost everyone wanted to find a way to reign in social media app use – a positive thing.

It’s a spirit of wanting to use connection thoughtfully rather than letting it control them. Billy Cox, best known for performing with Jimi Hendrix says “Technology should improve your life… not become your life.” 

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What to do when the world seems unable to focus and we are beginning to believe we’re talking to ourselves.  Last week as my wife and I were driving down a country road, a truck was coming at us as it drifted way over the center line, the driver looking down not at the road – hitting the horn helped the distracted driver look up just in time.  He made a gesture toward me.

No, not that gesture but a waving of the hand, a thank you for helping to avoid what surely would have been a messy accident.

We know not to text and drive. But somehow, it is becoming more difficult to focus. Driving of only a dramatic way we’re increasingly distracted.  One way is to stop looking past now to tomorrow, beyond this moment to the future. Keep focus on the now and today.

When you look to the future you’re dreaming and hoping.  That’s why author Eckhart Tolle advises “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the now the primary focus of your life.”

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It turns out we are not likely to have any shortage of friends in our lives, we’re just missing the right one.  Especially among younger adults there seems to be an outbreak of self-sabotage – attacking ourselves when no one else will do it.

The most important relationship is the one with yourself.  Get that wrong, let it slide, demean it and there’s likely trouble with relationships with others. I don’t know whether it’s the COVID lockdown or the challenging world in which we live but we’re not paying attention to the most important relationship.

Negative self-talk is often harsher than what others say. Self-compassion is not indulgence; it’s maintenance for every other relationship.

As the saying goes “I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.”

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I saw an article recently that got me at “Your brain sort of wakes up like wet cement,”

a phrase behavioral scientist Zelana Montminy author of Finding Focus used to illustrate why checking our phones when we wake up is baking in an unhappy day.

Yes, exactly – and I still do it.  But doing it less is apparently also good taking off a few minutes a day until it makes a difference.

This semester, my NYU college students don’t even have to be reminded to turn their mobile devices off and stow them out of sight, they want to.  And you see the benefits in class engagement and happier interactions.

It’s not reasonable in a digital world to take away someone’s phone all day, but spending more time focused on now is beneficial. And as school districts begin to silence phones during the academic day, there is an increase in checking out library books.

“That phone in your pocket is like a slot machine. Every time you check it, you’re pulling the lever to see if you get a reward.” — Tristan Harris on 60 Minutes.

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In the third class of the fall semester one of my classes surprised me by turning off their digital devices before being prompted – I think in part, because they know they need a break.

A low-key day to recharge, break from noise, stress or constant contact with friends and through social media.  I felt the same way – it’s so good to be focused on one important thing or nothing.

The average TikTok user spends 96 minutes a day on the app and watching TV was the leisure and sports activity that occupied the most time (2.6 hours per day) accounting for over half of all leisure time, on average (5.1 hours per day) according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Giving full attention to one thing or nothing can be deeply satisfying:  “Wherever you are, be there totally.” — Eckhart Tolle.

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If you really want people to be honest with you, they have to feel safe as if they can expect your approval and acceptance for telling you the truth.  That means no judging.

When people expect criticism, dismissal, or disapproval, they will either retreat into silence or tell you only what they think you want to hear. But when they know they’ll be met with openness, empathy, and respect — even if their truth is uncomfortable — they are far more likely to trust you enough to share it. In that way, non-judgment isn’t weakness; it’s the foundation of genuine connection.

Billy Joel’s Honesty is about the rarity and value of truth in relationships. One of its famous lines is “Honesty is such a lonely word” implying that when there is honesty, there must be a foundation (lack of judgment, acceptance) to support it.

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Finding out this semester that the doom and gloom news about the world, their futures and potential job availability is weighing heavier on young people – in fact, all of us.

I like to think of times like this to embark on a Gratitude Tour – keying on something positive that we are grateful for and acknowledging it.  I’m seeing pessimism for the first time among young people who should otherwise be looking forward to their future.

People need to hear that every generation has faced turbulence, but within turbulence lies opportunity. They are not powerless — they’re entering an age of reinvention.  In a world drowning in bad news, a daily dose of gratitude can reset perspective and build resilience.

Fred Rogers had a way of finding light in dark news:  “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

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You learn something every day when you are in front of college students – a simple assignment to connect with industry people on LinkedIn gets resistance. Why?  Job shaming.

Some folks don’t have jobs that they are proud of – that might be considered too menial. And others have no current job at all when their friends may.  This is a further degradation of self-esteem through social media where for many years now we have been dancing to the tunes of so-called influencers and reacting rather than responding to messages we receive.

LinkedIn is for connecting in the workplace – not for polishing a resume that makes you look better than others.  It’s time to take some pride in accomplishments.  Perhaps, like me, you have had some jobs on your career path that don’t look or sound impressive that have made all the difference in the end.

“When a half‐assed job doesn’t bother you, it speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. Until you start feeling a sense of pride and self-respect in the work you do, no matter how small or overlooked those jobs might be, you will continue to half-ass your life.”  — a summarized sentiment from former Navy Seal David Goggins

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Viktor Frankl said “Live as if you were living for the second time.”

Every crisis presents opportunity.

Learn from the mistakes of your “first life”.

Those who have come face to face with their own mortality take Frankl’s advice literally because it is never too late to hit “restart” and change the course of your life.

No matter the crisis, you can change the direction and alter your life.

Or as George Eliot (the pen name of 19^th century novelist Mary Ann Evans) says “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” 

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This semester I asked my new NYU students how they are feeling about things and what I heard took me by surprise.

They are tired – tired of beating their heads against the wall and if this is surprising to you, Gen Z suffers higher anxiety than any other generation.  Living on their phones, in social media with high expectations in a world that seems harsh to them is starting to have an effect.

Jobs are getting scarce and they are feeling a bit beat up.

My response will be to overcome and take advantage of the good aspects of disruption that is affecting their lives.  Disruption leads to new opportunities.  Coping with stress at a youthful age helps later.  Learning to get up when you fail and be grateful for what you have is the other side of feeling psychologically burdened.

So, I remind them of Dale Carnegie who says “Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”

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I love teaching – more than I could have ever imagined and yet I didn’t like it when I first started as a Dale Carnegie instructor.  After some pretty rigorous training, I got my first class – 44 adults.  Before the first break, one student said (in front of the class) “You’re going to teach us to speak, but you always talk with your hands.”  Yikes, I’m dead!

I went to the sponsor, Wynn Etter and shared my concern – it just didn’t feel comfortable and his advice changed me forever – he said, “just be yourself, you know what to do”.

So, I enjoyed teaching that great course for 11 years and went on to become a professor at USC and NYU following his excellent advice.

As the new semester starts, I share this because I’m refreshing Wynn’s comments for the school year ahead and paying it forward in a way to remind my learners and anyone who will listen to just be yourself – you know what to do.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

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The past is a file on your desktop that you view to learn or retrieve information.

The future is a blueprint — a collection of hopes and dreams.

The present is the only currency that we can spend now – it’s all we are guaranteed.

Living too much in the past or future deprives us of the only meaningful life we have in real time.

There is an apropos burst of wisdom attributed to ancient philosopher Lao Tzu: “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

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Eagles defensive tackle Jalen Carter got tossed from the season’s first game for spitting at Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott – there’s also video of Prescott spitting prior to the incident and it feels like we’re letting our kids down.

The NFL is trying to limit the animosity players are showing each other on the field – our sports heroes are reacting rather than responding to emotional confrontations and taunting.  Trash talk has become a part of some sports and in the end we’re beginning to go down a rabbit hole that undermines the beauty of sports competition.

But showdowns on the field occur after players have been raised and their values clearly established.

Former NBA star Charles Barkley hit it on the head:  “I am not a role model. I am not paid to be a role model. I am paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court. Parents should be role models. Just because I dunk a basketball, doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.”

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My NYU music business department had a faculty meeting in the city last week – I really look forward to them.  Yes, look forward to a meeting.

I’ve figured out that what I like is the feeling of faculty being supported in their jobs – trusted to do the right things and to do everything we can to support our students in their academic life.  Isn’t that what we all want?

This year’s freshmen will have been born one year after YouTube was founded.  They have never attended school without practicing for active shooter drills.  They have never been without screens, computers, phones, TikTok.  And it will be interesting to see how much they rely on artificial intelligence to do their homework.

Many lectures, tests and books are forgotten but teachers who become mentors are not – I’ll bet you can name a few who made a real difference in your life.  And teachers are not just limited to school classrooms.

Muppets founder Jim Henson gets it:  “[Kids] don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.”  And we’re all kids at heart.

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I can’t

I won’t

If only

Someday

Don’t

I hate

Impossible 

Dirty words like these shape the reality you end up trapped in or as the Persian poet Hafiz who blended love, spirituality and wit in his writing put it “The words you speak become the house you live in.”

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Whenever we fall short, we vow to try harder but trying harder also makes us less natural, less free to be ourselves.  I’d love to have a dollar for every time I said I’ll try harder.  Now the author Tim Gallwey says flat out and in ALL CAPS – “WHATEVER YOU’RE TRYING TO DO, DON’T”.

No one taught me to read a TelePrompTer when I started in television, I just learned.  No one taught me how to be a professor, I just started.  I never learned to be on the radio — I just did it when I got the chance.  I am sure you share some of these realities as well.  It’s about freedom to be you and me.

“Whatever you’re trying to do, don’t. Don’t try to do it and don’t try not to do it. Simply don’t try at all and see what happens.”

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