Embrace change.

It’s going to happen anyway.

The quickest way to become irrelevant is to push back against inevitable change because like it or not inevitable means unavoidable.

We resist and get a reputation for not being on board.

Sometimes we react and find ourselves squarely mired in the status quo.

Looking a bit further ahead, wouldn’t it be useful to be an agent of change where you could have a real say in how change comes about?

Life is a pendulum swinging from one set of values, ideas and conditions all the way to the other extreme passing through the middle.

We see it in politics and it’s available for us to respond to in critical areas of our lives.

Change is a good thing especially when we’re part of it.

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The answer to rejection is “thank you”.

It’s one person’s opinion even if that person is very influential or is in a position to kill an idea on the spot.

It’s not possible to be successful if you’re going to accept rejection.

So, there are several ways to approach it:

1. We live among other people’s failures all the time. Aerosmith’s “Dream On” was not the only record launched and re-launched to become a hit because it didn’t catch on right away.  Sometimes it takes people more time to see what you see.
2. If we seek approval over conviction, we’re watering down our ideas to gain acceptance.

The best approach to a naysayer is “thank you for not seeing the value of my idea or my person” and that’s one way to guarantee that our best instincts are unaffected by those who cannot yet see our dreams.

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In her acceptance speech for winning an Oscar for Best Original Song, she said:

“There’s a discipline for passion, and it’s not about how many times you get rejected or you fall down, or you’re beaten up. It’s about how many times you stand up, and are brave, and you keep going.”

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The lack of time is the same as a lack of priority.

Busy is not an excuse, it is a window to what is important in your world.

If children matter, they become a priority and the time takes care of itself.

Couples often realize that they have let their relationships slip when they wind up in a counselor’s office to discover the things that have become more important.

When we work too much, it’s not that we don’t have enough time for everything, somehow our priorities have changed.

An unwillingness to put our phones away and relate to people face to face is not about time, it’s about the addiction to something that gives immediate satisfaction and has somehow become more important even though it eats up precious time.

There is always enough time when priorities are in their proper order.

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Research shows that putting genetics aside, we have the ability to be 40% happier by conducting intentional activities such as a daily regimen of practicing gratitude.

I’ll bet you thought I made that 40% number up, but it’s true – gratitude is about as potent as genetic factors that make us happy.

So what if we start today?

Compliment the first person you see today who has earned it (and provide evidence to show your words are sincere). 

Write a compliment on your lunch or dinner tab expressing gratitude for good service.

Leave a note for a loved one expressing your thanks for something they did.

At work, be the one who appreciates their associates and cite evidence to prove it.

Don’t get out of bed in the morning until you can name 5 people you are thankful for and why (they can be the same people every day, it’s up to you).

Be thankful for you – your personality, your essence, your mind, your heart – don’t skip over gratitude for the fine person you are.

Happiness is not just a fleeting feeling but the residue of living a life of gratitude.

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An Australian hospice nurse kept a list of the regrets among her dying patients.  Here they are in order.

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

Notice spending time at the office or work did not make the list.  Nor did anything about making money.

What a gift it would be for us today if we re-read the above list, took it to heart and made it our lifelong commitment to personal happiness.

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Research studies show we are happier, less depressed, anxious or stressed when we are kind and loving to ourselves.

Name the person who loves you the most then look at yourself the way they do. 

Don’t judge yourself – to do so will cause more fear and anxiety. 

Being compassionate to ourselves makes us more compassionate to others. 

Believe the good things about you and not so readily always accept the bad things you hear. 

We spend a lot of time talking about the importance of being compassionate, but compassion must start with you.

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Intentional or not, when other people get into our heads with can’t do thoughts, discouragement follows.

If everything has to be right to maintain a positive attitude, we won’t be having many positive attitudes about life.

Resist discouragement.

Let no one into your subconscious – only you get to record in your mind.

For every negative thought, counter with a positive thought.

The more negative the feeling, the more positive the response. 

When you focus on hard work above immediate and continuing gratification, you become discourage-proof.

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There is no such thing as failure. 

There are just setbacks until we make them permanent.

Failure is an early warning of success that is yet to happen. 

Learn to welcome mistakes large and small. 

To give up, be discouraged or feel worthless is like leaving before you get the prize.

As hard as it is, purge all failure thoughts from your mind. 

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Celebrate!!

A big victory is coming your way.

In doing research for my book several years ago, I was surprised and encouraged to find people who had to not only overcome the odds to become the successes they were BUT also the doubts that came from those around them.

The difference was rather than being discouraged by the discouragement of others – even people very close to them – they made it a rally cry picturing how sweet it would be to be able to “show them”.

Except when they achieved eventual success, they had little interest in showing anyone their anger.

They learned that when the world seems to be against you, start a line – a line that forms behind you – to not be deterred from staying true to your dreams, ambitions and goals.

Belief in self is 90% of success.

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Some people just can’t bring themselves to admit they are wrong and it’s too bad because being so wrong can also be so right.

Apologize quickly and with enthusiasm.

Mean it.  Do not use the word “but” in your apology  And do not make it about you.  It’s about the person who was wronged.

Since no one is perfect we should apologize many times a day and feel good about it.

Apologizing is what the bigger person does.

Living life harboring a wrongdoing is the burden that prevents us from being who we want to be.

Today, search for apologies big and small you can make.

Everyone wins.

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How much stress is this worth to me?

Just asking this question when fear, worry, stress and anxiety begin to creep in helps individuals become instantly aware that they will be paying a price with their physical and psychological health if they don’t put an immediate limit on anxiety.

Pressure and stress go unchecked because they are exponential.

Asking the question puts a stop/loss on worry.

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The prolific author and motivator Wayne Dyer did a bit on one of his PBS specials about the flu.

People expect the flu.

They can tell you when they usually get it.  What happens to them every year when they do and how long it lasts with a bunch of painful memories sprinkled in.

I have a friend who when she feels something coming on says out loud, “Joanne doesn’t get sick”.

The people Dyer referred to came down with the flu as expected almost as if they deserved it, he would add.

I don’t remember a day Joanne suffered from the flu, virus or even the common cold.

But there is something to the power of expectation.

If you expect good things, you tend to get them and if you expect bad, it shows up right on time.

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This is not possible without first embracing the fine person you already are.

Flawed, yes – aren’t we all — but a work in progress nonetheless.

“Better” can’t happen to a person you don’t like and accept.

No self-improvement sticks to anyone who doesn’t first appreciate the fine person they already are.

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Look back 90 days to reassess that you, indeed, know what you are doing and are able to focus on successes and not constantly ward off the fear of failing.

I call this Lori’s Law after my friend Lori Lewis who understands the battle for our own minds is won by documenting in writing all that we have achieved.

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We become like the people who surround us.

If we were raised in a can-do, uplifting family, that positivity becomes our DNA.

Around negative people, friends with unending problems, co-workers obsessed with how they hate their jobs and their lives – that, too becomes contagious.

Just as people can make others laugh, they can also make them see the dark side.

Some workarounds:

Those who learn to identify the negativity have a chance to counteract it

Deflect it and move on 

Avoid fights, arguments or critical words to “downers”, it just paves the way for more negativity. 

You always have a choice to see the upside or the downside. 

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Being in the wrong job can cause it.

Or the wrong relationship.

The loss of a loved one, a friend, your health or your job.

What is it about people who can overcome getting stuck in a rut?

They still have hope without which severe depression sets in. 

They have a plan – or ten plans if that’s what it takes – to pick themselves up and find their way back.

They have courage to admit a mistake, a series of mistakes, relationships that are toxic or other things that contribute to being bogged down in unhappiness. 

They know that it’s not “if” but “when” they will figure things out because “if” is only a possibility but “when” is an actual time of arrival.   

No one can be bogged down and lost if they believe that whatever is wrong is temporary. 

Today, remind yourself that your greatest problem is only temporary, that you will survive it and be back on top again.

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Can you imagine a boxer betting on his or her opponent instead of themselves?

Well, maybe yes – that’s called a fixed fight.

And that’s what people do to themselves – bet on failure instead of success.

Betting on you starts in the mind – I can, I will, I have done, I will do.

Absent are words like can’t, won’t, maybe, not sure, no way.

Place your bets.

On you.

It doesn’t cost anything.

It’s a sure thing.

And don’t waste time trying to get someone else to bet on you.  It’s nice, but it’s not as effective as when you believe you will succeed.

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When things go our way it’s easy to exude confidence.

When they don’t, we tend to overthink, overreact, focus on what we think is wrong – in other words, we rehearse failure thoughts.

• Focus on what’s right even when something goes wrong. The first time I was on television I hosted a local Wednesday Night Movie on camera.  When the show ended, I went off TelePrompTer and said “Tune in next Tuesday for the Wednesday Night Movie.”  I was convinced that ad-libbed screwup was the end of my TV career early on but it was only the beginning because I left out the part that I really did well.
• Confidence comes before actions–If you believe something good will happen, it is more likely to happen. If you don’t, you often have to take what you will get.
• Believe in you – If you won’t, who should?
• Keep IOUs handy – (this is my favorite) Every time you have a success of any kind, type it into your smartphone notes and carry it around with you. At least once a day scroll through and remind yourself of how awesome you are instead of waiting around for something to sap your confidence.

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Studies show fear of speaking ranks higher than the fear of death.

Maybe that’s because speaking in public is a slow death to those who have not mastered the art.

• Speak on only that which you have earned the right to speak about or participate in a team group.
• Don’t try to be a public speaker or imitate one – it will end in disaster. Be yourself, authentic.  Some of the best speakers are soft spoken or quirky and it works if that’s their personality.
• Open and close with a prepared comment but use an outline to speak conversationally about the topic. Do you enjoy watching a person read a speech to you?
• To be really effective, think of your talk as a gift that you are presenting the audience.Know what that gift is.  Put it in your own words along with the excitement that comes from sharing something you know the audience will like.
• Warm up the audience if possible by walking through and greeting as many people as you can before your talk. If you can you will have that many people pulling for you.
• Look the audience in the eyes – nothing is more effective than looking at the people you are talking to.
• Finally, keep it short and end on a positive note.

Scared speakers usually are also short on self-esteem so instead of practicing your talk over and over again, practice reminding yourself why you are qualified to speak on this subject.

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