It’s not your imagination.

We really do live in a world where people are focused on themselves.

In prehistoric days when Dale Carnegie wrote his famous book How To Win Friends and Influence People one of his powerful messages was to talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Today, you almost don’t have time to interrupt self-absorbed people to practice that very human relations principle because so many folks are talking about themselves incessantly.

On the excellent HBO series Girls Lena Dunham brings us a scene where her friend Marnie played by Allison Williams calls to tell her she got a new cat.  Lena’s character Hannah says “I can’t talk right now” but Marnie goes right on talking about herself without missing a beat.

How do you handle people who suck the energy out of relationships by making it all about them?

1. Keep focused on your own inner emotions at least part of the time.  If you don’t give it all away, you’ll feel less drained.
2. When there is a break in the conversation, jump in with what you want to talk about.  Warning:  like Marnie, they may just go on talking about themselves. 
3. If this person wants something from you, be careful what you promise.  Only do what you can do and want to do.
4. Set a time limit and get out.  When you begin to feel drained, exit the conversation.  You choose the time you will spend listening to someone else go on about themselves.
5. If a person oversteps your boundaries by being focused on him or herself on a regular basis, it may be time to move on.  There are still person-centered people in the world.  Perhaps it’s time to find one.

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