It’s often hard to accept help from others – too much to ask.

Research by Stanford social psychologist Xuan Zhao and her colleague suggests we may be getting that answer wrong. Across several experiments, people underestimated how willing others would be to help and how positive those helpers would feel afterward. They also overestimated how inconvenienced people would feel. The findings included friends as well as strangers.

The part worth considering is how the helpers felt. We worry about what we’re asking someone to give. We may overlook what helping means to them. Being asked can mean someone trusts your judgment, values your experience or wants your company when something is difficult. Why assume that person would resent a request you would welcome from them?

This doesn’t obligate anyone to say yes. People have limits, and sometimes they cannot help. But deciding in advance that we’re an inconvenience leaves no room for their willingness.

People may want to help but be unsure what’s needed or whether they should get involved. Asking gives them a way in.

People want to make a difference in people’s lives and they feel good – happy even – when they are able to help others.

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