You win some, you lose some.
You never win everything and even though it sometimes feels like it your losing streak does not last forever.
Truth is what goes up will go down which is why life is like a roller coaster.
You can’t stop the highs and lows but you can learn to ride them better knowing that life isn’t one winning (or losing) streak.
To build resilience when times are tough, never lose sight of the next high.
Be the fine person you are.
Don’t blame yourself for bad decisions.
No one is perfect.
You will never meet a person who has made all the right choices.
We learn from our mistakes.
There is no need to punish yourself twice.
Embrace the things you do right.
Be the fine person you are.
We encourage others to persevere.
Tell our kids that they can do what they set their minds to.
I never met a person who didn’t think they deserved a raise.
Every time we place a bet, we hope to win.
Self-doubt is a losing bet that we place on ourselves even before we begin.
Hope is what motivates us in every other way.
Today, replace self-doubt with self-hope.
Be the fine person you are.
Smiling at the first ten people you see each day without saying a word has two benefits.
One, many smile back.
Two, no matter how many respond to your silent approval, you’ve just boosted your mood to start the day.
It’s a dress rehearsal for creating happiness.
I assign this as a stretching exercise in my stress class where many discover for the first time that practicing looking happy precedes waiting for something good to happen.
NOTE: Cheryl and I are going to take a few days off to recharge our batteries before NYU resumes in-person classes again in a few weeks and the media industry revs up to end a challenging year. This seems like a good time. A good time to catch up on some stories you may have missed. See you in a few days — Monday August 28.
The iconic Philadelphia radio personality Joe Niagara hated to read a weather forecast on the air that said “sunny and pleasant” – he just thought maybe it’s sunny but not a pleasant day for some people.
Obviously, I’ve never forgotten Joe’s words and you won’t hear me saying “sunny and pleasant” – sunny is good enough.
And a stormy day can be beautiful (after all, it isn’t always sunny in Philadelphia).
When my NYU students attend class, the forecast inside is more important than outside.
Is the atmosphere one of approval and acceptance? Non-judgmental? Positive? Hopeful, uplifting? Inclusive?
These are ways to make a cloudy day sunny with those we come in contact with.
Taylor Swift wrote a note to Alicia Keys who shared it on TikTok – the marriage of old school writing paper and the digital present.
Swift was thanking her friend for attending one of her concerts with her son – Swift’s stationery masthead had “Songwriter • Feline Enthusiast” on it.
She told Esquire in 2014 “”I love writing thank you notes. There’s something very nostalgic to me about the feel of a card and putting pen to paper … I like things you can touch and things you can keep, because every bit of communication we have is ephemeral in nature. You can just delete an e-mail and it’s like it was never there.”
Swift wrote $100,000 checks totaling millions of dollars to each of the truckers who hauled her Eras Tour set from city to city with a personal note and while her tour is likely to ring up $1 billion in sales making her even wealthier, few artists show this kind of generosity.
Long after the gift of money is spent, the recipients will have a personalized, handwritten note that can’t be deleted as if it was never there proving once again there are many ways to show gratitude even in the digital age some as simple as paper.
We have apps that tell us what music to listen to, shows to watch, clothes to wear, things to buy and on and on – known as social influencers.
This semester which starts in less than a month, I will be encouraging my NYU music students to cultivate being their own influencers unlocking their creativity and that of others.
The music business relies heavily on the popularity of artists and songs.
It’s a fine balance that also shows up in relationships.
When we try too hard to please, we often lose who we are.
Dale Carnegie used to say that the best liked person is the one who shows interest in others not themselves.
As social influencers disappoint or miss the mark, being a social activator never does.
The person who can focus 100% interest in another is the most powerful person they will ever be.
The burgeoning relationship killer of phone snubbing (thus the name phubbing) in which one party ignores the other for the phone.
There’s a recent study that predicted marital dissatisfaction, a widespread problem in our society today.
Lack of attention to individuals is not limited to couples and partners, doctors spend more time looking at their computer screens than at their patients.
CVS doesn’t answer their phones even though they hand out their pharmacy numbers.
One hospital system I know of allows their physicians to spend 15 minutes with a patient on one problem and while there are still doctors who take all the time they need, their number is declining.
There is one way to have a happy spouse, partner, child, family, employee or friend – engage them without distraction one-on-one.
It’s not the amount of time, it’s the quality and 100% undistracted focus.
Some folks live day after day expecting trouble, anxiety, unhappiness and general dissatisfaction and yet millions of these people get a lottery ticket with high hopes and impossible odds of winning anything let alone the big prize.
Did I mention they actually PAY to be optimistic when the odds are against them?
And often buy more than just one ticket.
Oh, and play lottery after lottery backing up their optimism with their wallet.
If only we could garner even that much positive thinking about our own lives, challenges and hopes.
And that’s the secret – if you’re involved in it, it’s worth believing in yourself.
You have a far greater chance of reaching even your wildest goals and dreams than you do hoping to strike it rich in a lottery where you have only a 1-in-302.6 million chance to win (the Mega Millions jackpot).
My wife and I attended a day-long seminar on happiness and the first thing the group leader said was how important it is to meditate.
That did it – I raised my hand and blurted out, “I can’t do it, I have tried, it doesn’t work for me” and surprisingly others raised their hands to hitchhike on my complaint – they couldn’t meditate either.
But I learned a lot that day.
For instance, you don’t have to succeed at meditating to succeed – I can still have my mind on the next DayStarters I have to write while attempting to clear it of everything.
It’s the process of trying – putting yourself in an anxiety-free state and taking the benefits you can get.
I ask my NYU music students if they meditate and perhaps one out of 40 could attest to it, the others who tried were in the same boat as their professor.
After all, what causes anxiety? Certainly, perfection is one thing and to gain some benefits from meditation, perfection is not necessary.
If you see me smiling on the turnpike to New York City, I’m not thinking about the traffic jam in the Holland Tunnel – I’m allowing myself to think of something (anything) more pleasing like the smiling faces waiting for me when I arrive at class.
We believe AccuWeather even when they are wrong.
Research shows that out of 100 things that will happen to you and me today, only 4 will could be considered bad.
Even the best weather forecast can’t promise that accuracy.
Researchers say we have a right to expect much better than bad.
Our digital world makes us obsess over fearing the future even though brain surgeons will tell you that 96% of everything that happens to you today will be good.
Instead of dreading something bad there is real evidence that it’s the other way around and that could improve a lot of moods.
After he made the second bogey last Saturday, Brian Harman says “a guy said Harman you don’t have the stones for this. That helped. It helped me snap back into ‘I’m good enough to do this. I’m going to do this”.
He went on to win his first major at of all places The British Open.
If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to.
And when others question your ability, it’s the perfect time to make sure you don’t.
If others doubt, show them what you’re all about.
The national lottery jackpot hit $1 billion again recently and I can prove that everyone who had a ticket waiting for the results thought they were going to win.
Why?
They paid money to bet on it even with odds that are so minute.
The odds of claiming the jackpot in a Powerball drawing are 1 in 292.2 million. To put this in perspective, you have a: 1 in 1,222,000 chance of death or injury from lightning in a given year and 1 in 57,825 chance of dying from a hornet, wasp, or bee sting during your lifetime.
Imagine if we bet on ourselves no matter how daunting the odds.
Why are so many of us looking to influencers in the digital age?
We have thought leaders and trendsetters but a paid influencer gets far too much sway.
Be the main influencer in your life – your life is not an election or popularity contest, it is a piece of art created on a canvas of your choosing. You choose the colors.
Just because someone is paid to make something popular, it is worth nothing to anyone looking to live a life of authenticity without regard to whatever anyone else thinks.
It’s not only young people who outsource their likes to influencers, people of all ages do.
Look to yourself first.
When things are bad, look to the helpers.
Duane Hawkins has been cutting hair in Rochester, MN for 40 years until he had to face kidney cancer again after having one kidney removed in 2013.
This time, his grateful customers contributed money to help him pay the rent on his shop while he has surgery and takes treatment.
One of our readers, Townsquare’s air personality Jerry Puffer, also a Mayo Clinic frequent visitor who has known Hawkins for decades is featured in this short video.
In an age of rage and disconnected relationships, this is how I channeled my gratitude this morning.
Hope you like it.
Try to understand others before you expect them to understand you.
They probably don’t “get” you because you don’t get them.
Think about their limitations and fears.
Look at it like this: they are attempting to defend themselves more than hurt you.
Some common ground can get reached.
And you don’t have to agree.
“Tell me what you’re thinking” is a disarming way to gain insight into others and often leads to a better understanding of what you feel.
We know what doesn’t work: arguments, fights, insults, hurt, talking past each other.
Being better understood starts with making sure the word “you” is among the first words you say.
I let a driver onto the road in front of me when no one else would car-after-car and in return there was no wave, thumbs up or even a look in my direction.
Post-Covid driving is crazy – cars cutting in and out just to gain a few hundred yards, last minute exits on interstates, driving distracted near you and driving too close to your car to get you to drive faster even when you’re exceeding the speed limit.
I was hit going into the Holland Tunnel on my way out of New York City and when I got out of my vehicle, the cause of the accident was still on his phone texting – and yes, he said I hit him even though he hit me from behind.
Other people’s shortcomings are not an excuse to become like them.
The best response is to be the driver you want to be and steer away from trouble.
This reminds me of what happiness doctor Amit Sood does when he looks upon others and wishes them well in his mind so a bad driver can’t make one out of you.
Our minds go astray when we’re bored – a good thing because it prompts us to be more creative and look for new things.
87% of teenagers in the U.S. have a smartphone and presumably are on social media looking to scratch the itch of FOMO (fear of missing out).
The Academy of Management Studies did this experiment:
It drove its subjects into boredom by asking them to sort beans by color but a second group was given a less boring task.
Wouldn’t you know the bored out of their mind bean counters came up with better ideas when given their next assignment which was to come up with good excuses for tardiness.
I used to walk everywhere when I was a kid – I left my Walkman home and just fed my imagination which today is pretty healthy.
Boredom has its benefits. It stimulates us into creativity.
Okay, I am a music business professor and I don’t have to be convinced of the many benefits of music therapy, but listen to this.
Music therapy is a potential intervention for cognition of Alzheimer’s Disease according to a study in the National Library of Medicine.
It turns out doing crossword puzzles is not the only way to fend off age related dementia.
Music therapy can be considered a non-pharmacological adjunct to reducing cognitive decline and “combination method with dance, art, video game, physical exercise, and so on is excitingly helpful. We should make a therapeutic strategy individually according to preference and physical endurance of every patient”.
Among the variations: singing songs, listening to music to reduce mood symptoms and behavior disorders. Here’s the study.
Combining music therapy with dance, physical exercise, video game, art and other things
is yet another benefit of music therapy that I plan to share with my NYU music business stress class this fall because the benefits are accrued at any age.
Music is not only the soundtrack of our lives; it is life itself.
Stanford psychologist Walter Mischel offered a choice of a marshmallow or pretzel stick to a child (their preference) and then left the room for 15 minutes.
In follow-up studies (SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass and other things), children who could wait longer and delay gratification were shown to have better life outcomes.
Today we’re bombarded with FOMO (fear of missing out), attention addictions and relationship challenges caused by digital devices.
The takeaway is the more we can learn to delay gratification, the happier we are.
If you measure happiness like billionaire Ray Dalio of Bridgewater hedge fund, then his words may resonate with you:
“Once you realize that deferred gratification will improve you, you begin to count and say how many days, months, weeks, or years can I live if I don’t spend the money I have coming in”.
The ability to defer gratification is directly associated with happiness and financial success.