Okay, here it is –

Spend two minutes with your family or friends at the end of each day but here’s the trick – treat them like you haven’t seen them in a month!

We’ve been on top of each other since last March so it is understandably difficult to show the enthusiasm and person-centered interest to those close to us as we may have been able to do prior.

The script is:  “I am about to come in contact with some special people and I am going to make them the sole focus of my attention at the end of each day.

Another technique that breeds gratitude which makes us feel better is to not get out of bed before thinking of five people who are a big part of your life who care about you.

Worth a try?

If you’re like most of us, you’ve probably been on your own back for years.

How did that work out?

Try approving of yourself instead.

This is not an act of arrogance but a source of gratitude for the things you bring to the table.

Self-criticism doesn’t work but finding ways to be more approving of yourself does. 

When you have no hope, you tend to see anything you can do to change things as hope-less.

• Get your mind off yourself
• Initiate an act of kindness – As crazy as that may sound doing acts of kindness for others increases the serotonin in the brain acting as an anti-depressant and stress reliever.
• Focus on what has worked out for you in life – to obsess over things that didn’t work out or that are painful creates more hopelessness.

Imagine outcomes in your mind’s eye that work out for you instead of replaying scenarios that didn’t – that’s a positive step toward cultivating hope instead of despair.

The more we worry, the more stressed we become.

The more stress, the more cortisol our brains make leading to health problems.

We worry because we learn to worry but we can unlearn it as well.

• 99% of the time what we worry about never happens
• The 1% when it does, it rarely happens the way we think
• Replace worrying with thinking with your head not your heart.
• For every worry no matter how large or small, you need a suitable plan to deal with it.

Concern is forethought – worry is fear thought.

Athletes benefit from their “free agency mindset” in which they see their skills as a marketable benefit.

Non-pro athletes should, too.

Not testing the market with our skills is leaving money and happiness on the table.

• • Everyone knows their strong suit – test the market.
  • There is no such thing as the right time – the right time is when someone believes they need you.
  • Becoming a “free agent” doesn’t always mean it’s time to leave a job but can serve to confirm staying another year.

Most people don’t look for their next job until they’ve lost their last job but with a “free agent” mentality, you’re always where you are supposed to be.

If you want to get something done, give it to a busy person to do.

As crazy as that sounds, it’s true because people who stay busy tend to measure their happiness by productivity.

Another benefit:  Busy people suffer from less anxiety and depression.

• My NYU college students are already onto this epiphany even during midterms, a pressure-filled time even without a pandemic – that the more they focus on getting things done, the less time they have to worry.

The brain is all-powerful – if we keep it actively engaged in productive things, it rewards us by lowering our anxiety.

Don’t fear being too busy, be concerned about too much time to worry.

It’s hard to find good news even after seven months but there are reasons for hope.

• We’ve all made it through seven months with most remaining healthy.
• The horrible pandemic of 1918 went away after a few years with people adapting to new rules of engagement in the meantime.
• Adversity always brings good (I wrote a book on this topic) – therefore if we tough it out and deal with this health crisis together, there is a reward at the end of it all.

College students are anxious and depressed because their lives have been interrupted, they are not having fun and they worry about graduating into a market with few jobs.

COVID is not just an inconvenience or a pause, it is a disruptor of life as it used to be and 100 years ago it launched another decade of prosperity giving all of us a reason to have hope.

A couple I know was experiencing marital problems that threatened their relationship.

She had been through a double mastectomy and he felt the pressure of keeping the family  together.

When he returned home from work, that’s when the heated arguments would begin.

So, they went to a counselor but it only took 3 appointments to get their relationship back on track again.

• The advice: give each other one hour alone when you see each other at the end of the day – to unwind, make a transition from the day’s problems until you are ready to engage each other.

Good relationships are difficult where stress and anxiety are present.

A caddy gives advice and strategy but the player makes the decisions.

Giving away the right to decide happens because of stronger personalities, control issues and fear on our part that we might blow it so we play it safe and give away our power.

Advice is a valuable tool but no substitute for making your own decisions.

We look to others, but should look to ourselves.

Approval comes from within by assessing your sincerity, passion, reliability, skill level and motivation.

Leaving this up to someone else is a recipe for trouble.

Did you do your best?

Are you doing it for the right reasons? 

Are you capable of making it happen?

Are you willing to stick to it until you succeed?

The person you absolutely must win over first is you.  No one else matters.

You don’t get more fit by getting more comfortable.

Walk more, run more, box more, more Yoga, more challenges.

Those Peloton commercials are attractive because they show what getting uncomfortable can produce in fitness and physique.

Getting out of your comfort zone to strive for more makes you stronger.

A new way to conduct a meeting, a different approach to teams, redefining leadership.

If you’re comfortable, you’re likely not growing.

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.  The second best time is now” – Chinese proverb.

It’s not laziness that prevents us from acting, it’s lack of confidence.

When we’re sure, we’re more likely to get started.

To get an extra supply of confidence that is needed in life, do as Shakespeare said, “assume a virtue if you have it not”.

So today, it’s ready, set, I can do it.

Bill Gates in reviewing the book The Case for Reason, Science, Humanitaism and Progress noted how life has improved for us over the decades:

 “Time spent doing laundry fell from 11.5 hours a week in 1920 to an hour and a half in 2014”.  

So what are we doing with the extra time and what other things take less time in a modern world?

Are we giving it to others?

Spending it on ourselves?

Are we learning, growing, helping?

Or are we bingeing, distracted by social media or playing games?

There is no doubt life has become easier, but are we using the valuable time better?

There’s a thought for today.

My longtime friend Mike LaBauve shared a pledge from podcaster Harry Sleighel who was talking about the Be Kind People Project.

Here is their pledge that embodies the skills of kindness that I thought was worth passing along.

I Pledge To …

– Be Encouraging

– Be Supportive

– Be Positive

– Be Helpful

– Be Honest

– Be Considerate

– Be Thankful

– Be Responsible

– Be Respectful

– Be A Friend

In sports you don’t take the field with the mindset that you’re afraid to lose.

It’s the opposite – you can’t wait to win.

But how many of us can’t wait to win in other areas of our lives?

Playing it safe, harboring doubts, being defensive will likely yield the same poor results off the field as they would on.

When you have a challenge, relish it.

Expect to win – or at least give 100% trying.

Learn from losses and move on to the next challenge.

Never fear losing, relish winning.

You go up to bat, take a few swings, try to get on base and if you don’t, you think about taking another shot at it next time up.

If you allow it to bother you, you could get into a slump.

If you try to get a hit every time at bat, you will never feel good about yourself because it is impossible.

A .250 hitter can earn millions.

Anticipate the next at-bat and try again.

Learn from mistakes.

Practice with a purpose.

Hope for a hit but don’t be discouraged by a miss.

Isn’t this also the game plan for a successful life?

They become more anxious and possibly become more depressed when their owners overuse their phones.

Philly veterinarian Dr. Alexander Collada explains it:

“Dogs do read body language, they read our eye contact … They read our facial expressions, so if we are on our phone and acting disinterested, and they’re looking for attention, it basically is ignoring your dog.”

Imagine how people feel.

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The evidence is in and multitasking is a myth.

You’re not smarter, more efficient or more productive by trying to do more than one thing simultaneously.

Overthink.  Overdo.  Add to the anxiety.

If this hasn’t become apparent, it soon will.

One step at a time.  One thing at a time.  Important stuff first.

The new reality is that it may actually be better not to do everything we can but to decide what few things we can do better.

More important than doing is deciding.

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It’s remarkable how easily most folks can rattle off what’s wrong with them but have a harder time articulating what’s good and right.

When we hang around more positive people, we become more positive but that is not always possible – in fact, sadly sometimes our negativity comes from families.

Another way to look at things is to balance off every negative thought with a positive one.

I didn’t get the job, but I did a good interview.

I wasn’t able to help my dear friend, but I was there for her.

I spend too much time working, but when I am home I am laser focused in the present. 

There is something positive out of every negative but is today the day we start looking for it?

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That is a quote from John Diamond.

October is breast cancer awareness month – a disease that affects millions of loved ones each year and thousands of men.

Here is more inspiration from the mouths of survivors.

• “Once I overcame breast cancer, I wasn’t afraid of anything anymore.” — Melissa Etheridge
• “It’s about focusing on the fight, not the fright.” — Robin Roberts
• “And if it comes back, I’ll keep fighting.” — Nicole Kramer
• “The only person who can save you is you.” — Sheryl Crow
• “Breast cancer changes you, and the change can be beautiful.” — Jane Cook

Cancer surviors earn the gift of living life to the fullest by turning adversity into gratitude.