There’s good luck and then there’s bad.
Factoring in either one is a waste of time.
Both good luck and bad luck can upend what we anticipate or present new opportunities and challenges.
You don’t wait to win the lottery or lose your job.
Luck is always a factor in anything we do but making your own luck is a better bet.
Failure itself is less to blame than the fear of failure.
In sports, when a team has a seemingly insurmountable lead, they play with confidence expecting the eventual win.
Individuals are far more complex.
Starting is a problem. Many great ideas and wonderful opportunities are missed because fear of not succeeding is a hindrance.
The best way to overcome fear of failure is to change the way you think about it – see it as an opportunity to learn not as a vote on you and your value.
A ballplayer who hits .250 is failing 75% of the time but you can be sure they look forward to their next at-bat 100% of the time.
Canine Cottages fitted some dogs with heart rate monitors to discern what makes their tails wag in happiness.
They found a dog’s heart rate increases by 46% when they hear the words “I love you” from their owners.
And that dogs’ heart rates calmed down by 23% while being cuddled.
Expressing human emotions has never been more crucial than in our world of click, scroll and send so words of endearment can be powerful ways to make others happy.
Approval and acceptance are what people crave the most.
We all want it.
In meetings, in families, in relationships.
That’s why being able to sincerely parcel out acts and words of approval and acceptance is the secret sauce to winning the cooperation of others and making friends.
Criticism and rejection even if well-meaning is counter-productive.
The one who dishes out unconditional approval and acceptance is the leader.
Times are challenging but not impossible.
Continue to raise your spirits and of those around you.
This is our hidden power of working through adversity.
Our brains are like sponges.
They soak up everything they hear and see whether it is positive or negative.
So, allowing others to have direct access into your psyche is dangerous.
Take charge of what you let in by thinking of your mind as a recording device that repeats what it hears over and over again unless you specifically tell it no.
No criticism.
No insults.
No thoughts that limit your possibilities from others or yourself.
You can’t control what is said, but you can control what repeats in your subconscious.
Obsessing over how good you are is a waste of time.
Everyone has more than enough going for them.
It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, it’s how you play them.
Broadcasters have used built-in delays to protect the public against unsavory aspects of live programming for years.
The 7 second delay is something that can work for us as well in our fast-moving digital world.
Pause 7 seconds before responding in real time to a text or email message and protect against putting a first thought as a final thought.
Usually, the first idea is our worst idea – delaying a response even for as little as 7 seconds and perhaps more if possible makes us a better, more sensitive communicator.
If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.
Something positive is overdue to happen.
I am so bitterly disappointed that I want to give up.
This means take some time off to see why one thing can make you so miserable before committing to pursuing it again.
I tried so hard and still didn’t succeed.
Not getting what you want is a gift. It makes you question how badly you really want it and whether you want it so badly you’ll keep trying.
I failed in a friendship or relationship.
The most important relationship we can have starts with ourselves – work on that and you will most assuredly attract people for if you don’t love yourself, how can you ask someone else to?
Disappointment is not an excuse for quitting – it’s an opportunity to recommit.
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I was fired from my first job in commercial radio when, as a stressed-out college student attending classes by day and working on-the-air all-night, I dozed for a minute between records and the record tracked through – yes, the boss was up and listening at 3 am.
I’ll never work again – I’m ruined before I start.
But my next job was in TV for the local ABC affiliate – a job I would never have gotten if I hadn’t first been fired.
The program director who let me go taught me a valuable lesson and was a role model for when I eventually became a program director – I adore him to this day.
It’s not always the end of the world when you get fired, it’s more often the beginning of a new one.
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In nature, animals become like their surroundings.
The rattlesnake even looks like its environment as a protection from larger prey.
Humans also become like those they are around for better or for worse.
Our ethics, morals, beliefs and desires are influenced by those with whom we keep company.
Be friends with people you respect and admire because you’re more likely to assume their traits by unconscious assimilation.
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Confidence is not loud or boisterous.
Nor is a strong ego to be confused with confidence.
Real confidence is often silent, strong, principled and gracious.
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Erik Seidel is arguably the best poker player ever and is in the Poker Hall of Fame.
But he doesn’t count cards – he observes his opponent’s behavior.
Erik Seidel remains on top because his style of play is a psychological one based less on mathematical outputs and more on understanding the human element according to the Maria Konnikova, author of The Biggest Bluff.
To learn the intentions of others, look to the other side of silence not necessarily what they say.
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Bad luck may be saving us from something far worse.
“You never can tell whether bad luck may not after all turn out to be good luck…One must never forget when misfortunes come that it is quite possible they are saving one from something much worse; or that when you make some great mistake, it may very easily serve you better than the best-advised decision.” — Winston Churchill “ My Early Life,” 1930
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Our happiness seems to come back to one thing.
Not how lucky or unlucky we are but how we deal with adversity.
Happiness is born of adversity because happy people tend to face their problems when they occur.
Rather than wishing problems away, take steps to deal with adversity and develop the optimism that comes from being proactive.
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New York Presbyterian Columbia University Hospital has found that when able, if a patient walks into an operating room for surgery instead of being wheeled in on a gurney they will recover sooner.
In every other way, too, actions don’t just speak louder than words, they send an even more powerful subliminal message directly to your brain that you expect to succeed.
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Most people have no problem articulating all their shortcomings – after all, they’ve probably heard them from the lips of others.
Rerunning negative thoughts over again produces more negative thoughts.
Flip that.
What are you good at? Why do people trust you? What is the chief advantage you have as a person?
For the rest of this day – double down on them.
They are real, true, sources of great pride and a master motivator to unlocking other strengths – the ones you didn’t even know you have.
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My accountant was a negative guy with whom to play golf.
He would hit the ball straight and far down the fairway and then as he was choosing his next club, he would say “on in 2 and 3 putts”. For those who don’t play golf, if you’re on the green in two shots, you would not even think you would need three putts to hole out.
He played down to his negativity.
I hope he didn’t say “here’s your tax bill, now multiple it by 3 and you’re good”. Of course not.
Self-sabotage is the worst kind of negativity and yet we all do it either out of fear, or I believe lack of confidence.
If we can’t stay positive on ourselves, how can we expect others to treat us that way.
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Rick Allen, the heavy metal rock band Def Leppard’s drummer, didn’t want to be near people when he had an auto accident in 1984 that caused his left arm to be amputated.
He asked his brother for his stereo while in the hospital and it was then that he realized that he might still be able to play the drums as a one-armed drummer.
Allen continued to play with the band during its most commercially successful period.
What he learned was that he could no longer compare himself to others.
That he is unique and can only be compared to Rick Allen.
There’s someone better, smarter, more attractive, funnier, richer and on and on but in the end it doesn’t really matter.
Like Rick Allen, compare yourself to you and only you to see the real growth that keeps you motivated.
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Wait 5 seconds before you answer in person.
10 seconds before rereading a text before hitting send.
Always re-read email before sending.
If the mail is emotional or contentious, wait 12 hours, re-read it and chances are you will not send it (just writing it may have done the job for you without the acrimony that is sure to follow).
Effective communicators listen or read before attempting a response.
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