The goal is not the final destination.

The journey is the goal because in pursuit you may alter it, discover a better one or decide that after some thought what you were shooting for is not worth the sacrifice.

This matters because goal-setters tend to fashion their lives to chase one goal that they may or may not eventually accomplish.

The secret is to establish goals in our daily lives as a means of discovery and accomplishment.

There is no finish line.  Just the pursuit of excellence.

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… give up control and let others get their way when possible.

… when asked to choose, defer to others every once in a while.

… stand for principle not stubbornness.

… offer to help another get what they want before you ask what you want.

… be a good listener because the secret to winning cooperation is likely on the lips of the person whose cooperation you seek.

… be willing to earn the right to prevail not just forcing it.

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Netflix has taught us that we expect to get what we want when we want it.  That’s why binging episode after episode is so normal.

When Showtime or HBO makes us wait for subsequent episodes, a binger usually doesn’t like it.

TV aside, some things are worth savoring.

Time with someone special.

That moment when you’ve just accomplished something special – worth holding onto and replaying often.

Speeding up life to get to the end is a rather awful thought because life is best when it is enjoyed moment by moment in real time.

Consuming everything to rush to the end is powerful but slowing it all down to savor every bit of it is empowering.

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If you changed every can’t you say in the next hour to can, your life would be transformed.

Suddenly the new default setting is “possible”.

And then, you start expecting to achieve.

Saying “can’t” instead of “can” is self-inflicted failure.

The way we talk to ourselves matters.

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Turning to others for that which should come from within you rarely works.

Confidence comes from believing in yourself.

When a sports team wins game after game, they believe they can’t lose.

When they are on a losing streak, they believe they can’t win.

Outsourcing confidence to a friend, loved one or associate is not as effective as focusing on what’s good about you.

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All the best plans mean nothing, if you don’t begin now.

Delay is the enemy.

Planning is important but absent a “start button” success will remain elusive.

Identify the next step and act.

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Yes, it can be done in ways that are so simple.

The first ten people you come in contact with this morning smile at them.

Most people are now bent over with their faces buried in their phones and they are usually not smiling.

A smile is like a yawn.

Ever notice when someone yawns, you automatically yawn, too.

When you smile, it is hard for others to resist smiling back and it can change a moment, a day or even begin to change a relationship.

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It seems more acceptable to tolerate rude behavior because it can be delivered through text messages, email and social media.

It’s a lot harder to take liberties in person or on the phone.

Just because someone can hit send and hurt you does not make it right.  Nor does it mean that you have to be a willing partner to this type of behavior.

There are answers.

When someone puts their phone on the table, expedite the meal and move on.  That person is not able or willing to focus on you in person.

When receiving a hurtful message that you suspect was sent too quickly without thinking, reply “I don’t understand. Explain”.  That forces a more thoughtful response that may also include an apology. 

Being left out is hurtful, when it happens again move on and put your energy and personality where it is desired.

When someone pushes your boundaries, push back and stop it immediately.  Stopping verbal abuse has the positive effect of building self-esteem.

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One word of praise backed up by evidence (to show it’s not just flattery) gets more cooperation than asking for what you need, a word of criticism or pressure.

When people receive sincere praise they are more likely to be open to the needs of others.

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There are two main causes of stress.

Fear and worry.

Fear is not rational.  Most fears never become reality.  Expose fear as an accelerator of what probably will never happen.

Worry is based on real circumstances that can be mitigated by eliminating the fear factor.

Most of the things that cause stress are worst case scenarios gone wild.

Focusing on best case outcomes goes a long way to putting stress in a more manageable place.

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To find yourself, lose yourself.

Break the mold.

Take a different path.

Let go.

The irony of getting back in touch with what you want, who you want to be and where you want to go requires less searching and more losing yourself in the myriad of possibilities.

Letting go of the search opens doors.

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Waiting is the multiplier of stress and anxiety.

Whatever the concern, the longer the wait for resolution, the more intense things get.

Waiting for an outcome can rarely be accelerated.

Do, don’t stew to keep anxiety from making an uncomfortable situation worse.

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1. Think of three things or people you are thankful for before getting out of bed.
2. Don’t postpone joy.  Take time to celebrate each and every thing that makes you happy when it happens.
3. Get rid of a bad mood by taking the focus off of your problem and help someone with theirs.
4. Never let someone with a negative mood take your mood hostage.
5. Happy days aren’t automatic.  It takes focus on things that create them.

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Think about it.  Why do we assume something will go wrong?

Failure is the default setting that must be overcome.

That’s betting against yourself.

People who succeed don’t assume that they will fail. They expect another victory.  They do not allow others to place a bet against them.

If it’s worth dreaming, it’s worth assuming that you will eventually prevail.

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There is no need to create more time.  There is already enough.

The question is how do you want to use it?

If more time is created by dropping some things from life, other things will just replace them.

Do less but do more of what is important to you.

To find more time, choose 2 things out of every ten that are important and make them a priority.  The other tasks can go on “hold” – most of them will never need to be completed.

Feeling overwhelmed comes from the pressures of others added to our own list of life’s to-do’s that usually ends in disaster.

Less is more when it is the things that matter the most.

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Compassion.

Not advice.

Not help.

Not even compliments.

Humans cannot live without compassion which means if we want to connect with others in a meaningful way, don’t be their shrink, cheerleader or advisor.

“I feel like my world is upside down”

“That must be awful”

“I’m so stressed”

“I can’t imagine how anxious it makes you feel”

“I’m so slammed I can’t do it all”

“What a burden that must feel like”

Compassion is sympathy for the sufferings and misfortunes of others.

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The most important question is the one to which you already know (or think you know) the answer.

I worked for a radio program director named Paul Drew.  He was a force unto himself.  Sharp, curt but I liked him and he liked me.

In our conversations I often found myself satisfying his curiosity but suspecting that he knew the answers.  One day I flat out asked him.

“Why are you asking me about this, you must already have heard about it”.

His response: “If I try to impress you with what I know, I won’t learn anything new”.

It’s the Columbo response – the disheveled TV detective who sounded dumb but was the guy who solved the case.

The person with the all the answers asked the best questions and got more information than he would have if he tried to impress me with what he knew.

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This recession talk that has been escalating lately is a dangerous stressor.

No matter how secure we feel, worrying about something that may not happen at all is the first step to increased anxiety.

This is the classic worry syndrome – worrying about worry.

The answer is to get rid of fear thoughts and replace them with forethought.

Strengthen your contacts, reassess that you are working in a field that has upward growth potential, create a plan B.  Sock some money away.  None of these things cause anxiety. They are reassuring.

How insane is it to worry for months and even years about something that, if it does happen, is unfortunate but not the end of the world?

And one more positive:  look for people who found opportunity when they were forced to face adversity.  You won’t have to look far.

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40% of families eating together engage in no conversation.

They have their fork in one hand and their phone in the other.

Self-imposed social isolation is real.

Combatting loneliness is now a choice.

Physical activity and good relationships reduce loneliness.

Using the smartphone – to call someone, not text which is isolating.

Severely cut back on social media – it is an attention black hole.  Rarely does anyone feel less lonely due to social media.

Recently I saw a mom put her phone away and invite her daughter to do the same.

Connecting was that simple.

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Why would we waste even one second criticizing ourselves?

How does that help?

Most damaging criticism comes from within.

When others say it, we push back.

Get out of the business of being your biggest critic and get into the public relations business – promote all that is good.

If you can’t do it, how can you expect others to provide you with the confidence that lives within.

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