We don’t forgive for the offender.

We do it for ourselves.

We let go of hatred, animosity and hurt so that we might not become the person who did us wrong.

Practicing letting go on little things so that we might have the strength to do it on the big ones.

Trying to see things from the point of view of the person who hurt us not to condone or accept it but to get to the bottom of it.

Letting go is an act of faith – we commit to do it and then do it.

Forgiveness does not mean having to forget or putting yourself in harm’s way for future abuse.

When bad feelings return, remind yourself how good it feels to let go of anger and hurt that otherwise could make for an unhappy life.

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Fear thought is planning to worry.

Forethought is planning ahead.

Why plan to worry when you can think about success?

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Most folks don’t have a prayer of starting the day in a positive way once their narrative is hijacked and taken from them.

Bad news on the morning shows, radio or online.

Emails and text messages that present problems and upset.

Then we bump into people who through some sort of osmosis transfer their anxiety to us.

Resist the bad news of the day.

Reject the problems of others – even to listen to them can cause more anxiety.

Stick to your goals for the day ahead and not be detoured by someone else’s negative narrative. 

Change the narrative from bad news to hope. 

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Find something you love to do and get someone to pay you to do it.

Find people you admire and make friends with them.

Find a problem you can’t solve and let it go.

Find a mirror, stare right into it and love what you’re looking at.

Find a challenge bigger than you and grow with it.

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Don’t become the person who has hurt you.

Never allow them to get you so upset that striking back is more important than pulling away.

Letting someone in so close has risks and rewards.

The hurt will lessen, the friendship may be damaged but you don’t have to keep coming back for more.

Erase the hurtful thoughts, repeating them becomes permanent damage.

Above all, self-love is a counterbalance to people who for one reason or the other fail to treat you with love and consideration.

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Mister Rogers (Fred Rogers) in his own gentle but authentic way offered advice for children to deal with horrific things that happen in our world.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” 

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Education is the only thing that people want the least of for their money.

How many classes am I allowed to miss? 

Once you get the job, it becomes just a job.

Looking forward to hump day, long weekends, vacations. 

The best grades don’t always get the best jobs and the most money.

Luck only takes you so far, then you have to manufacture your own good luck.

The hardest worker wins.

Luck is a result of a good plan and hard work.

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Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

You can watch the highlights in minutes instead of hours.

There is always a reset button.

Everything can be fast-forwarded.

Social media sites focus on just seconds of engagement at a time.

YouTube viewers make decisions on what to watch in less than 10 seconds – usually far less.

So how are we supposed to live in the present when there are so many shortcuts?

We learn a lot from real time experiences.

Sometimes “suffering” through the entire game makes us appreciate the victory more.

It doesn’t take meditation to live in the now.

Sometimes it means not taking the many shortcuts we now have.

I am always amazed when I visit Longwood Gardens, the DuPont arboretum on the Pennsylvania/Delaware border.

Phones are used for taking pictures of the fauna and flora, less texting.

Strangers talk to each other.

Long walks in the meadow allow people to be alone with their thoughts.

Take a new way to work and call it meditation.

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99% of what we fear or worry about will never happen.

99%.

The fear is almost always worse than what we’re afraid of.

Getting control of anxiety thoughts out of the gate when we first have them is a way to get ahead of what is likely to turn out to be an unlikely fear.

If someone told you, you have a 1% chance of having your anxieties actually play out you might be a lot less worried from the start.

Focusing on that 1% gets a jump on controlling anxiety.

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That it will descend upon us like a butterfly because we deserve it.

It doesn’t really work that way.

We are responsible for our own happiness.

Happiness is generated from gratitude.

Gratitude for little things.

Even winning the lottery gets old (and the money disappears) but repeated small steps of appreciation accomplish basically the same thing.

The wealthy are psychiatrists’ best customers because money alone cannot buy happiness.

Staring at our phones will not make us happier, but social interaction with others face to face does – it’s a choice.

Here’s a re-set:

There is always someone worse off than how I feel today so I will be grateful. 

We have to be open to happiness or we will focus on what we don’t have instead of what we are grateful for. 

Pick a person every day to appreciate (it can be the same person tomorrow).

Money doesn’t equal happiness – how much of your life, then, is in pursuit of money?

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Barry Trotz is a Stanley Cup winning hockey coach.

Last year he won it directing the Washington Capitals.

This year he took over the New York Islanders and helped lead a young team into the playoffs.

Trotz could honestly say he enjoyed the year — this one even when he didn’t winthe Cup.

“I always tell my kids find something you enjoy and you never work a day in your life”.

People often hate their jobs, dislike their bosses and want better pay – not a prescription for happiness.

It’s never too late to find something you really like to do and get paid for it.

Today’s a good day to begin.

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I commute to New York City.

Turnpike.  Congested city traffic.  1010 WINS.  Waze. Hidden police radar.

I don’t like traffic delays and irritations so I think of my students who will bring their fresh faces and tons of optimism to class as my reward.

The destination is worth much more than what it takes to get there.

Obsessing over impediments ruins everything.

Seeing the reward in your mind’s eye helps deal with the irritations of getting there.

Anticipating the reward in life makes the journey more bearable.

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If I look bad or worry about being embarrassed, I will think about how great it will feel to overcome that, too.

I fear the unknown but the unknown can also be my friend. 

I don’t want to let anyone down but I can promise them 100% effort trying.

I’ll feel worse if I let fear thoughts into my head when I am trying to succeed.

It’s temporary.

I have lots of company – everyone fails, but winners deal with it and move on.

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The 88-year old Buffett calls it the “newspaper test”.

How would you feel about any decision if you knew it was going to be written up in the local newspaper the next day?

Buffett adds it would be “written by a smart but pretty unfriendly reporter” and everyone in your life — family, friends, everyone – would read it.

“If [the decision] passes that test, it’s okay. If anything is too close to the lines, it’s out.”

Buffett credits his father for making him aware of his “inner scorecard”.

But people often live by their “outer scorecard”.

In other words, reputation is everything and the ultimate guide to doing what’s right when making tough decisions.

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Baltimore Orioles first baseman Chris Davis couldn’t buy a hit for weeks at the start of this year’s baseball season.

He finally ended his 0-for-54 slump at Boston’s Fenway Park to opposition fan applause.

Davis not only singled, but hit two doubles, drove in four runs and got the albatross off his back.

Davis said: “That’s a long time without getting a hit … I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but obviously something special.”

As bad as it was for Davis who, by the way, is in the fourth season of a seven-year $161 million contract, it’s not the longest hitless streak in baseball (Bob Buhl went 0-for-85 in 1962-63).

“You have to embrace it at some point” – that’s what this two-time major league homerun champion said.

Adversity introduces a person to him or herself and to those around them.

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Intense but loose.

That’s what Joe LaCava told Tiger Woods ahead of his improbable comeback from surgery, an addiction to painkillers, personal adversity and a ten-year championship drought.

“Don’t carry the weight of the world”

Woods wanted to win so badly and return to victory that he was getting in his own way.

When we want something so badly we can taste it, that desire may be so great that it interferes with the path to success.

Intensity can only be sustained so long before it becomes anxiety.

Remaining loose is how we unlock our talent on the way to victory.

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Saying “I’m stressed” will only make it worse.

But saying “stretched” connotes a temporary condition.

A rubber band is stretched and it always returns to normal.

You are stressed but it is temporary unless you don’t release it.

The more times the word “stressed” is used, the more ominous it feels.

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Have you ever seen anyone open a fortune cookie, read it aloud proudly and find a way to make it wishfully apply to them?

Think about what would happen if we would do exactly that with our confidence.

Believe in yourself without question and apply that belief to your goal, dream or problem.

We believe a fortune cookie more than we believe in ourselves.

To change it, assume a happy ending, a great outcome and never stop believing in your ability to make it happen.

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One key doesn’t unlock your car, your house and your luggage.

One thing doesn’t motivate everyone.

Find the special key that unlocks the potential of an employee and a different one to let you into your child’s life.

One size doesn’t fit all.

One key doesn’t open every door.

One way to relate to everyone in your life will not work.

Those skilled in human relations know to keep searching for the right thing that will motivate any one person.

One size doesn’t fit all.

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Sometimes it appears people care more when they want something or want to influence an outcome.

Caring is a gift we give – it costs nothing, just time and the reward is evident as we recognize that we can make a difference.

Not controlling is a bigger gift – it means I care and want nothing in return from you.

My time costs nothing but it is worth a lot to the recipient.

Controlling people is the fastest way to drive people away.

Caring and not controlling is real power for good and draws others close to you.

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