In our world, it’s not just our stress that’s getting to us, it’s that of others conveyed to you.

You could live the perfect stress-free life but you still have to live in an imperfect stressful world.

What to do?

Recognize if it’s your stress or theirs – own yours, deflect theirs.

You’re better at dealing with stress than you probably think so put a hold on it when you don’t like the way it makes you feel.

You don’t have to solve the problem to relieve the stress – just recognize it and put it in its place.

When others infect you with their stress, remember that you are paying a price with your health and happiness the longer you keep absorbing negative emotions like a sponge.

When all else fails, think about something or someone for which you are grateful – stress cannot exist at the same time that you are actively experiencing gratitude.

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Do you know the one thing great teachers do that others do not?

Show compassion.

I realize that may not be how you or I were educated but it is the number one need of people in a world that doesn’t seem to care about them.

In fact, the number one thing that those around you crave is compassion so happiness and success goes to the person who not only realizes this but acts on it.

Believe first, doubt second.

Feel pain without having to talk about yours.

Listen, don’t give advice.

Stay in touch without needing something from them – show you care.

Think about how you would feel if someone in your life did the four things above.

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Get off social media and give up your phone.

If you are not ready to do that, wait until you have tried everything else and become desperate.

Our phones are killing our happiness.

They are making us sick, distracted, anti-social and sometimes hurtful through social media.

It’s all over the news and yet we cling to our phones and even empower our children to live by the light of a screen.

For those who can’t or won’t give up their devices, take charge and make changes.

Limit phone time. Stick to it.

Weekends off.

No screens before bed (science tells us this disrupts our brains and adversely affects our sleep).

Social media is a black hole – go cold turkey, get off and welcome back the real world.

Organize phones to avoid black holes – the first few screens should have apps that we can visit and leave quickly. All other apps including social media apps should be in folders and not readily accessible. Should you go there you know that you risk withdrawing from life.

The only smartphone is one that you control and that does not monopolize our lives.

Even Steve Jobs never imagined the deleterious effects of his iPhone although he did limit screen time for his own children.

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As much as you want to forget hurt, don’t.

You run the risk of accepting insults every time you avoid them.

An insult is a veiled compliment – take it as such.

Resist the temptation to react – that’s exactly what a person armed with insults wants you to do. Resorting to insults will not make you happier.

Also, don’t believe a word – it’s pretty sad when we start taking to heart someone who doesn’t have one.

Remove yourself from situations where people hurl insults (and if it’s at work and you can’t avoid it, seriously start looking for a better work environment).

Admit it hurts, but don’t accept the insult.

The best way to repair hurt feelings is to remind yourself about the fine person you are and consider the source.

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Why did my hopes and dreams get ahead of me again?

It ends in disappointment and discouragement.

I could almost taste it and then something happened to ruin my expectations.

Dreams are necessary.

Realizing them before they happen is the problem.

One step at a time.

Start by keeping expectations low.

Motivation high.

Avoid disappointment.

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One key opens your house or apartment.

There may be another for your office.

Or one for your desk, or locker.

Yet another key starts your car.

Different keys open different things – there is no master key to open all of these things.

The same with people.

There is no master key for unlocking the potential of your work team, the motivation of your spouse or partner, the abilities of your children, the best qualities of your friends or even your own best effort.

Each person in our lives requires a separate key to unlock their potential.

What works on one does not necessarily work on another.

The person who is constantly aware of this, carries the keys to success and happiness in their careers and life.

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1. Be the most positive person you know even if your situation is dire.
2. Arrive before everyone, leave last.
3. Turn hurt feelings or lack of appreciation into fuel you can spend on earning your next opportunity (somewhere).
4. Report abuse no matter what the repercussions – stand up for you, defend boundaries it builds self-esteem.
5. Be aware of those around you who may also be demotivated in a tough workplace and be mindful not to catch their disease.

Some of the best jobs follow dealing with some of the worst.

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Does it really matter what gets us down if you know how to lift yourself up?

Focus on someone else.

Take a break thinking about you.

Go further, try to help someone.

Discover the power of giving to others and how good it makes you feel.

Lose yourself in helping others and it is impossible to be as down as you would be by obsessing about your own troubles.

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What ever happened to no?

No, I’m not going to eat dinner with my phone on the table.

No, I’m not going to let those around me infect me with things that they fear.

No, I’m not going to knock myself even as I try as hard as I can to succeed.

No, I refuse to give up. I’ll be back.

No, I will not look to others for things that are missing in me because I will become hopelessly codependent.

No, I will never believe that fear can control me.

Anxiety is a baseless fear.

Worry is how we usually respond to it.

Fighting negativity is how we overcome anxiety.

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We often over time become the people who surround us for better or worse.

You can keep your friends even when you are aware of qualities in them that you don’t like.

Or, you can open your world to new influences by reaching out and looking around.

Maybe you’ve heard the phrase, “I have enough friends”.

Numbers don’t count – quality is everything.

Some people lose good friends because they are under the influence of not so good friends.

An underrated decision in life is who you choose as friends.

Proceed carefully because you most assuredly become like them.

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Dale Carnegie sent us this advice long before cellphones and stress that we live with now.

Try this.

From the time you wake up, see how long it takes to find just one person who is happy and not obsessed with something wrong.

You may wait a while.

Living in a world that is so connected and yet dysfunctional makes it easy to be down and hard to be optimistic.

I have the flu, but I’ll be over it soon and better again.

I’m employed even though I may not love my job however I can find another one.

I feel loss in my life but I embrace the time I spent with that special person.

The traffic jams get worse every day, but I persist because I am happy to go where this commute takes me.

I haven’t found my soulmate yet but the fun is looking.

Science has confirmed: count your blessings not life’s stressors and it neurologically changes the hard wiring in your brain.

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If you have to have brain surgery, you want a perfectionist doing the operation.

Have dinner at an expensive restaurant, you expect the chef to be a perfectionist.

The problem is being a perfectionist kills personal happiness.

What to do?

Perfection is the goal, a worthy goal.

But not guilt, because you are imperfect.

Or worthless because you couldn’t bat 1.000.

Perfectionists often see themselves the way they think others see them.

That’s ego, not perfection.

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“There’s no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind
Ain’t life unkind?

Songwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger
Ruby Tuesday lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc

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The odd thing about burnout is that the only way out of it is to slow down.

More lists create more stress with arguable results. 

Doing less cuts stress with better results.

Think of the weight you carry on your shoulders and how adding a fast fix will feel even more burdensome. 

Burnout starts to ease the moment you say slow down. 

Prioritizing helps you slow down.

The feeling that you’re not accomplishing something is the sure way to know you are winning the battle against burnout.

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Drummer Rick Allen lost his arm in a 1984 car accident, eventually came back to play the drums for this band with one arm and a foot.

We are reminded of this because Def Leppard was recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

You may have heard the term “one-armed paperhanger” but Rick Allen overcoming the adversity of losing an arm in his profession is no joke. He teared up at the induction ceremony to lots of sustained applause.

The adversity may be physical but the advantage is always in the mind.

Believe.

Achieve.

Overcome.

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So, I met a very nice person in King of Prussia a few weeks ago who told me that she knows that she is doing too much for her children and is concerned about it.

Tying their shoes for them – they are 11.

Carrying their sports equipment from the car when they are athletic enough to handle it.

Chauffeuring them when school is just around the corner.

Still she feels badly.

Same applies to our individual lives.

Young people also feel like they are overwhelmed – that they lack the confidence to succeed because they are afraid to fail.

Too much means too much guilt.

Too much also means creating too much anxiety.

Trying to avoid adversity robs us of the tools that train us to handle adversity.

Replace “too much” with “I trust that you can do it”.

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I heard someone say “I’m doing my best but it’s not good enough”.

What?

Your best is always good enough – it’s your best.

When we let ourselves believe that everything we have to offer is still not enough, we are the problem.

All my effort – that’s the best I can give.

All my sincerity exhausts what I have inside.

All my intelligence means I have turned my curiosity loose to be open to learn more – do that and it is the best that you can do.

I’m the best spouse and father I can be – if you give all you’ve got, you succeeded in spite of any criticism.

Confusing our best with how to get better is what’s killing us.

Your best is everything you can muster and that’s also how we get better.

No employee review, criticism from a mate, harsh judgment from yourself will make you better.

Just be the fine person you are and note the difference.

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Sunday, Tiger Woods won the Masters Tournament for the fifth time.

And a major golf event for the fifteenth time – three shy of all-time leader Jack Nicklaus.

After numerous back surgeries.

Scandal in his personal life.

Struggles in his chosen career.

Adversity is best when used as the ultimate motivator to achieve your goals.

It’s not just for the stars, the heroes, public figures.

Woods’ triumph over all odds reminds us that it can happen to anyone who refuses to quit and uses their adversity to find success.

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It’s failure.

Study the great influencers in the world and they all have the same pattern.

Fail.

Fail.

Fail.

Succeed.

Failure is a rehearsal for the success that will happen next not the end of our dream.

Learn from mistakes.

Adapt, change and begin again.

Never give up.

If you want to know how to recognize a person about to succeed, look how they handle adversity as a gift and not a curse.

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The voice in your head can either be a motivating force or a self-defeating echo that prevents health, happiness and accomplishment.

So important, that it’s worth thinking differently about that voice.

It works better when we speak to ourselves instead of letting others whisper in our ears.

Believing is as simple as repeating it over and over again.  When we are criticized or doubted, not believing takes its toll quickly in a negative way.

Criticism is outlawed – don’t accept it, don’t do it – wanting to be better is fair but not in the form of “constructive” criticism.

Love yourself, your ideas, the gifts you have been given, the people you are blessed to have in your life and replace negative thoughts and criticisms with appreciation of these things.

That voice in your head doesn’t have to scream, it just has to whisper “I believe”.

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