A New Way to Reduce Stress

90% of a person’s health is due to their own decisions about lifestyle.

Only 10% is genetics.

That means the lion’s share of our good health is in our hands.

Same for problems.

Stressing out how to deal with problems is unnecessary because the ability to solve what’s ailing us is heavily favored in our hands.

Worry is useless and yet it is the single most significant factor for stress.

99.9% of what we worry about never happens and in the off chance that it does, it rarely happens the way we fear.

The numbers are on our side in improving physical health, stress and worry.

If the first thought these things trigger is “the advantage is on my side” the outcome will be better.

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Yesterday we had trouble with the link to the video in the story.  Here’s the story and fixed link.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Mick Jagger’s Health Routine

Yes, I know Keith Richards looked 70 50 years ago and the Rolling Stones are 70+ and still kicking.

After recovering from recent heart surgery, Mick Jagger returned to working out.  In his shows he covers 12 miles on stage.

His secret and the secret of others who want to remain vital and vigorous is cardio.  Here’s his after-surgery workout.

But it’s the mind that keeps people young and motivated.

When the mind believes it, the body follows in step.

Exercise the mind to exercise the body and reach full potential.

Mick Jagger’s Health Routine

Yes, I know Keith Richards looked 70 50 years ago and the Rolling Stones are 70+ and still kicking.

After recovering from recent heart surgery, Mick Jagger returned to working out. In his shows he covers 12 miles on stage.

His secret and the secret of others who want to remain vital and vigorous is cardio. Here’s his after-surgery workout.

But it’s the mind that keeps people young and motivated.

When the mind believes it, the body follows in step.

Exercise the mind to exercise the body and reach full potential.

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The Narrative of Positivity

When in doubt, assume you can.

Think of negative thoughts heard, read or communicated like the stench of a skunk so you can wake up and get away from it.

For every complaint balance an appreciation.

When others gossip, leave the conversation.

Don’t become the people you are around, let them be more like you.

Push back against bullies, cut off their oxygen.

Never ask or accept criticism, a real helper would never offer it.

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One-upmanship

People who try to gain an advantage by doing, saying or having “better things” than someone else practice the destructive behavior of one-upmanship.

How to defend?

Be non-defensive, refuse to participate, don’t engage in a power struggle where you resort to the same tactics, let the person suck all the oxygen out of the room.

Dealing with one-upmanship at work requires the ability to let everyone know that you are reinterpreting the attack on you as an attack on the problem making certain the other person knows you want to solve the problem and will establish some new ground rules.

In all of this, let the offender be aggressive while the solution is always non-aggressive.

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The Advantage of Being Shy

I was painfully shy as a child growing up in the suburbs of Pennsylvania so much so my teachers told my parents that they should put me into a theater group. I hated it.

I loved radio and loved music – I practiced being a dj in my room using a tape recorder I bought from mowing lawns.

Radio allowed me to overcome my shyness.

What was thought to be an insurmountable obstacle turned out to be the stimulus to overcome a perceived disadvantage.

Adversity is a gift that is handed to us from time to time.

When it arrives, anticipate that adversity will introduce you to yourself.

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The Ultimate Inner Source of Confidence

Why look to others for that which we think we don’t see in ourselves?

No outsourcing our self-esteem to someone else to win approval.

No putting the way we feel about ourselves into the hands of others and thereby risking being controlled.

We are the ultimate inner source of confidence.

If we believe it, it is so.

If we doubt it, we’re forced to look to others for it.

Inner self confidence comes from loving yourself enough to believe that you are a fine person with the ability to succeed.

Self-confidence is a decision not a feeling.

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Cultivating Resilience

The ability to recover quickly from difficulties is a growing problem.

When something bad happens, we often start questioning ourselves and our ability to deal with it.

Toughness.

The odd thing about being more resilient is that it doesn’t just come to us when we need it – it’s all that preparation when we don’t.

1. Developing a strong network of friends.

2. Becoming more positive in how you feel about yourself.

3. Knowing your sense of purpose in life.

4. Learning to embrace change.

5. Remaining optimistic.

6. Liking yourself.

Resilience is the ability to spring back after adversity hits and preparation begins before the difficulties arise.

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What Warren Buffett Looks for When He Hires

Three qualities:

1) Integrity
2) Intelligence
3) Energy

But here’s the thing according to Buffett: “If they didn’t have the first, the other two would kill them, because if they don’t have integrity, you want them dumb and lazy.”

Integrity is the killer quality. Those who have it and cultivate it in a world that challenges integrity for expedience then it is even more valuable than a college education, who you know and whatever money that is available to you.

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Predicting the Future

We can’t predict the weather even with a phone in our hand and the storm headed straight for us.

We got caught on the beach exactly like that with radar on the phone and the thunderstorm with lightning changed its mind and defied the radar and our eyes.

More important than predicting the weather is feeling certain that we can adapt to it – after all, Mother Nature constantly defies AccuWeather.

The ability to be nimble, handle problems, respond to an emergency, take advantage of good luck when it comes our way, hunkering down when we see things turning bad.

Living for a perfect day is a long wait.

Being able to deal with whatever comes our way is more valuable than trying to predict whether good times are ahead.

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A Short Course in Human Relations

As a Dale Carnegie instructor, I often used this list to summarize the many benefits of becoming skilled in excellent human relations.

Focus on one phrase and when you’ve mastered it, move on to the next until you have made these 7 principles part of your life.

The SIX Most Important Words: “I ADMIT I MADE A MISTAKE”

The FIVE Most Important Words: “YOU DID A GOOD JOB!”

The FOUR Most Important Words: “WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?”

The THREE Most Important Words: “IF YOU PLEASE”

The TWO Most Important Words: “THANK YOU!”

The ONE Most Important Word: “WE”

The LEAST Important Word: “I”

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Seeking the Approval of Others

Trying to win a person over by being someone you’re not will leave you with an empty feeling.

After all, if they like you – the real you – then you have plenty more where that came from.

Even if you gain the approval of one person by catering to them, which you shows up for the next person?

There is only one you.

It’s good enough as is – only you get to decide how to make it better.

The people who are admired most are those who are comfortable in their own skin. Who knows it isn’t important to make everyone like them – just respect them for being unique.

First seek your own approval and you will find many fans who like you as you are.

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Relationship Happiness

Being compatible is not the key ingredient to a happy relationship.

Seeking out a kind person is according to a new study by Michigan State of 2,500 couples who have been married about 20 years.

Who knew? Certainly not online dating apps that aim for bringing people together based on what they have in common.

Instead of “what do we have in common” it is “are they a nice person”.

Shared interests, personality traits and similar interests had little to no impact on relationship happiness.

As it turns out we’re looking in the wrong place for the right partner.

Compatibility is not what makes the heart grow fonder, it’s making a life with a kind person.

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Perfection

Jennifer Lopez freaked out after giving one of the worst performances of her life on her It’s My Party tour a few weeks ago.

Clogged sinuses. She accidently hit herself in the face with a microphone causing blood to drip down her face.

Fiancé Alex Rodriguez provided comfort telling her the audience wasn’t looking at a few missed steps, they were there to appreciate her beauty and her voice.

Perfection is the goal but no human is capable of it 100% of the time.

Trying for perfection is one thing.

Expecting it is something else.

How often do a few missteps deprive people of the satisfaction that comes from working hard to be the best?

Keep expectations low and motivation high – the secret to real achievement.

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Digital Detox

The New York Times reported July 7 that panicked parents have begun hiring “screen time” consultants to get their children unhooked from their addiction to phones and digital devices.

$80 to $250 an hour. Eight to ten sessions.

The problem is all the “no phone” pledges and attempts to pry the devices out of children’s hands are fruitless as long as parents continue to set a bad example (at dinner, while watching TV, taking calls instead of focusing on others, at the beach, at sporting events – this list is endless).

You can’t wean someone off an addiction without replacing it with something better – more healthful and positive.

It’s like a morphine drip for those in pain after surgery – take another hit, get relief.

Teachers can ban phones from the classroom or engage students more with each other in real time.

Parents have no chance getting a child to put away the phone as long as they continue to be unavailable and not focused on the present.

To conquer phone addiction, brainstorm the ways to get you or others to crave something healthier.

Not possible?

It was there before the iPhone was invented. Rediscover real time.

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Eliminating Anxiety

Doing more about stress and anxiety causes more stress and anxiety.

Anxiety means that we’re on overload – more young people than ever before suffer from anxiety today.

Do less.

Make fewer plans.

Simplify.

Disconnect as much as possible.

Take 80% of the things that stress you out and do only 20% of them.

Even trying to reduce anxiety causes more anxiety.

Anxiety can’t be conquered.

It must be eliminated one stressor at a time.

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Speaking in Public

According to a Gallup poll, the second thing that we fear the most is public speaking.

Snakes are first.

Some surveys put the fear of speaking ahead of the fear of death.

Heights, being closed in a small space, spiders, insects, needles, mice, flying, dogs, thunder and lightning, crowds, going to the doctor and the dark scare us less than getting up on our feet and speaking in public.

Yet we have to make presentations, interact with others in a group and can’t always avoid speaking in front of others.

I taught public speaking for years and this is what worked the best:

• Know the topic or material — earn the right to speak about it.
• Do exactly what you do when speaking to just one person.
• Look into their eyes.
• It never works when you try to be someone else such as a “public speaker”.
• Low voice, no problem. People will listen more intently to hear you.
• Forget what you were going to say, easy – review something you previously said and it will come to you.
• Put yourself in the audience’s place, put them at ease because the way you talk to them is the way they encourage you.
• And my favorite – think of you as giving those listening to you a gift (or humor, information, encouragement, etc.) and deliver it in your own way.

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Suffering

A friend in college was very close to her aunt who had cancer.

I visited with her at Hahnemann Hospital in Philadelphia, a subway ride away from school.

It was emotional, painful for everyone but through it all this woman never complained. She bravely fought even at the end.

When she died, my friend, Marilyn, consoled her loss by doing something meaningful.

She allowed her aunt to live on through her by adopting her aunt’s ability to see suffering of all kinds as transformational.

Those who mean a lot to us in life can live on when we adopt their best traits and live them forward.

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Negativity

Why do we have trouble naming all the things that are good about us and no trouble reeling off a list of our faults?

Conditioning? Upbringing? Loss of confidence?

Every time we can we insult ourselves, we need no enemies.

Don’t say can’t. Or won’t. Don’t accept criticism from anyone (help, yes and that is very different).

To believe negative thoughts is to give them a louder voice.

Focusing on the negative guarantees more of the same.

Accentuate the positive (I can, I will, I’ll learn, I won’t quit, my best is yet to come) and suddenly all things are possible.

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Uncertainty

When a major athlete gets a big contract, it doesn’t mean that they will do their best work.

A recent comparison chart in sports pages of The New York Times confirmed that guaranteed money doesn’t buy guaranteed performance.

And tenured college professors are arguably not better than ones who have to earn their place from contract to contract.

Seeking certainty is not as effective as pursuing excellence.

Uncertainty is your friend.

While no one is making a case for insecurity, guaranteed outcomes seem never to be guaranteed.

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How to Bring About Change

Most people know exactly what they want.

They don’t always listen to it or accept it.

They don’t need an elaborate master plan – they already know.

The problem is a lack of action and too much overthinking.

More emphasis on pushing the start button.

That’s why we call doers doers. They know that action is as important as planning because without it nothing ever changes.

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