When a team loses a big game or series it cannot win again until something important happens because to go out and do the same thing that failed does not instill the confidence to prevail.

In sports, winning resumes when sports teams go back to basics — to the things that were working well before.

That’s why we have so many comeback stories.

Defeat hurts but it is also useful in helping to get back to winning ways.

To obsess over defeat is to begin a slump.

To ignore it is to take your chances in the hands of fate.

When misfortune strikes, going right back to what works well is the answer.

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The easiest way to have confidence is to act confident.

To assume that you are even when you’re not.

If you think that is insane, consider what we do instead – rely on others to give us the confidence that is missing.  It rarely sustains itself.

Confidence is the belief that we can rely on ourselves.

Acting like you have confidence precedes actually becoming confident.

Faking it is arrogance, outsourcing it to others is weakness.

Confidence starts within.

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When everything is going our way, it’s magical how much confidence we can feel.

Nothing succeeds like success.

We come to expect things to go our way.

It’s like a hot streak for an athlete – they somehow keep overperforming because they expect it.

Until, a slump.

Then doubt creeps back in, everything becomes less confident and sometimes trying too hard when it wasn’t necessary before makes things even worse.

Life is full of ups and downs.

You ride a hot streak out and enjoy it all the way.

When a rough patch occurs, adding self-doubt does not make things get better.

In hockey, when a player is on the schneid and can’t score a goal for extended periods of time, they bear down, grip the stick too tightly and continue to be frustrated.

When they finally get off their own backs, a cheap goal slips in the net and they are visibly relieved.

And on the way to the next hot streak.

Pressure does not cause success.

Bearing down never works.  Letting go is the secret.

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If we feel comfortable speaking to one other person, why does speaking to 5, 10 or more make us anxious?

Professional speakers say they address an audience as if they are talking to only one person – all of us can do that.

Why do we hang out with people who make us feel stressed when we could just as easily keep company with people who make us feel calm?

Or keep working in stressful situations when we could make it a priority to find other work?

Anxiety is like tape – when you come in contact with it, it sticks to you.  To get it off of you, you have to peel it off.

High expectations, social media networks, being hounded by digital devices is not going to stop anxiety, it’s going to make it worse.

Get a leg up on anxiety by peeling it off once you realize it is sticking to you.

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We spend our lives seeking the approval of others but why is it that when we finally get it, we are also most likely the ones to demean ourselves?

Starting with not being able to take a compliment.

Then acting less than sure that we can keep it up.

Letting doubts creep in.

Finally, criticizing ourselves even when others are not.

This isn’t uncommon, but it is unnecessary.

Once earned, no one can take away your successes and that includes you.

Turn every success into an IOU that you can use later when going through a rough patch.

Those who doubt themselves should not be seeking the approval of others before they grant it to themselves.

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Most of us aren’t good enough.

But that’s not terminal because we can always get better.

For some reason when we think we’re not good enough or worse yet when someone tells us we’re not, we wind up accepting it.

Good enough gets better by working harder, longer – never giving up.

By being less concerned with winning big, more concerned with being the best at what you do.

It’s a lifetime and that’s a healthy way to look at it.

We live in a lottery rich world – hit it big, get a break and win.

Truth is you win by being good at something.

Then better.

Best is relative.

We want a single – not hit it out of the park.

Good is doable and it’s more than enough.

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Elephants at a three-ring circus used to follow each other around blindly for “The Greatest Show on Earth”.

People who don’t lead are like elephants in the circus.

They keep going ‘round and ‘round in a circle behind someone ahead of them thinking that they are leading when they are really following.

To lead, step aside and walk alone in a different direction.

Let the others think they are leading when they are really following.

But for you, simply stepping aside and heading somewhere else is an act of leadership.

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We know too many people.

Have too many friends that aren’t really “friends”.

We try to do too much when less makes us just as happy.

We try to make too many people like and respect us when it is better to be exactly who you want to be and value fewer people who like us the way we are.

Instead of running from people who give us anxiety, we somehow embrace them and carry around more.

We think more is better but more doesn’t feel as good as one thing or one person that really matters.

We doubt ourselves when we should be our biggest proponent.

We can’t love everyone until we love ourselves enough to get out of the numbers game and build solid individual relationships instead of collecting friends who mean nothing to us.

Downsize stress by focusing on that one remarkable, unique person who spends all their time living in a smaller universe surrounded by the people who like us for being ourselves.

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Running scared feels like if you stop, something bad will happen.

Perpetual fear of failure.

Stop working that hard and you will lose your job or not get the promotion. Or don’t stop long enough to find the next challenge.

It can also mean running the risk of being left out.

Or not finding someone special to spend a life with or to start over again.

It can be 24-hour anxiety and depression.

The alternative to running scared is running hot.

Motivated.

Focused.  

Resilient.

Fearless.

Ready to turn on what it takes at a high level of intensity but without the gnawing fear of failure.

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So, what would happen if the next time you hear “no”, you don’t accept it and try one more time?

Achievers don’t take no for an answer.  It’s not in their vocabulary.

They are allergic to no and try repeatedly until they get closer to what they want.

How willing are you to pay the price for the reward?

Persistence is making your own good luck.

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Always forgive others because you need to forgive them more than they need to hear it.  Do it for yourself.  Let the anger go.

But forgiving does not mean forgetting.

At the same time remember the good people in your life who helped you become you.

Forgive offenders for your sake.

This is the key to forgiveness.

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People who criticize are not teaching, they are exercising their power over you.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism. That just gives license to have at you, again, to exercise power and control.

If a teacher taught his/her students by criticizing them when they were wrong, they would stop learning.

Criticism is never acceptable either to give or receive, but we’re in a world where it is easy to do and to do it impulsively.

People respond to help, information, encouragement.

Criticism does not have one advantage.

Let no person criticize you and if it’s your boss or someone you can’t repel, label it as criticism in your own mind if you have to hear it.

Then erase it from your mind and get to a better place.

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Why would anyone use this word if they really wanted to succeed?

And yet we use it constantly – many times a day on the average.

Sometimes we mean it as “I don’t want to” instead of “I can’t handle it” but saying this word as much as most people do simply programs our brains to cause anxiety.

Drop the “t”.

Can’t is limiting.

Can creates possibilities.

But here’s the thing.  By being aware of one word, you can be less negative and more positive.

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The Phillies spent $330 million in the off season to sign slugger free agent Bryce Harper.

Harper’s season got off to a slow start and the fans (I know, Philly fans) came down hard on him.  This loss of faith is repeated everywhere from other cities, sports and companies.

What’s strange is how people give up on other people when they are in a slump or down on their luck.

But Harper didn’t.  He’s known for coming alive late in the season in a meaningful way.

Life isn’t all batting 1.000.

No one gets to super-perform every day.

For every streak, there is a rough patch.

The key is when others give up on you, double down on your confidence knowing that it’s only a matter of time to win again if you believe in yourself.

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People don’t want to go first.

At a wedding, no one wants to be the first on the dance floor.  After someone else gets up, the other dancers follow.

At dinner, if the room is quiet, it tends to stay quiet unless and until a number of conversations raise the decibel level.

In the classroom, the majority of students wait for someone else to raise their hand first.

The thing is going first is good for you.  Following others trains us to wait, overthink, create needless fear.

Next time, seize the opportunity.  It’s a way to practice building confidence for when you really need it.

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No one really wants advice.  What they really want is someone to listen to them, hear them out with judging.

But we call it advice because we want to get the other person’s attention and no one can resist giving advice.

If we can allow the other person to express their feelings, we are becoming an active listener and that’s a person who is valued even more than the one that has all the answers.

Repeating.  Restating. Waiting for the other person’s response.

The best gift you can give is listening to what that person has to say.

No judging.  No problem solving.

They want your ear and they want you to hear.

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Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers) defined three basic things as most important for children in life that also very much apply to adults.

1. Helping people feel good about themselves
2. The ability to get along with others
3. And appreciate the world around us

Love who you are and how unique you may be.

Learning to play well with others is a goal rarely pursued by adults although it is just as important.

Appreciating the world around us is difficult when that world’s focus is a smartphone.

Looking for happiness and fulfillment is hard to do without being skilled at mastering Mister Rogers’ three most important things in life.

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Who says we only have one life to live?

The divorcee married the third time – happily– isn’t believing it.

The fired executive left unemployed and without hope doesn’t believe it when they get a better job for more money and more satisfaction.

Friends who reconnect after not valuing each other become friends for life.

When lives are without purpose and meaningless, hit restart.

But here’s the thing.

Living your new life by burying yourself in the past will not yield better results.

The question is:  are you ready to move forward from today on without litigating the hurts and travails of the past.

If so, you just hit “restart”.

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We’re just too hard on ourselves.

No one wins all the time.

It’s not how many times you succeed, it’s still trying when the right moment comes along that matters.

Fear of failure is the worst fate of all because no one can give it to you unless you believe it.

Even failures are rehearsals for future success.

Would you tie your own hands behind your back knowingly and willingly?

That’s exactly what we do when we constantly fear failing.

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I can.

I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

I’ll never stop trying.

What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger if I never give up.

Hope.

Trust in self.

Resilience.

When facing a crisis, it helps to repeat words like these that will foster a good outcome.

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