Remove what is next – concentrate on what is happening now.

Live in the present moment.

You can go to the beach and live in the present or you could go to the beach, feel the sand, smell the surf, hear the waves, take in the horizon and put all senses to work.

Feel the present.

Don’t just live in it.

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If you have been struggling with a problem and want the best shot at solving it or at least making it less of a problem, you will do better following these steps:

1. Ask “what is the problem”. Often, we set out to solve something that is not the real problem.
2. What are the causes of the problem? Make a long list without passing judgment.
3. What are all the possible solutionsyou can think of? No solution is too wild, far out or inappropriate during this brainstorming stage.
4. Choose the best solution from #3 above. Sometimes it will be two possible solutions rolled into one.
5. Devise an action planto put your best solution to work.
6. Set a date to review your progress.

These specific steps help guarantee that you have a disciplined approach to solving the problem that has been gnawing at you.

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It’s all backwards.

It’s not the fear of failing that is holding us back.

The fear of succeeding is what hampers us.

Fear of starting a new relationship and having to make it work. 

Worry about looking for or starting a new job – can I handle it? Will they like me? 

Fear of making friends because they will eventually discover who I really am. 

Fear of something new even what I like is old and comfortable. 

The fear of succeeding paralyzes us, contributes to bad decisions and robs us of all that we could have if we would do just one thing.

Change the way we look at fear of failure and embrace the courage it takes to confront how we feel about success.

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Digital life is one big refresh.

Even if we get bad news by constantly checking email or text messages, we assume something different – maybe better – will happen when the next one alerts us.

It’s actually the opposite.

Email delivered whenever it arrives is like the mail carrier coming back to your house all day and all night to drop off one more message that he/she didn’t deliver the last time.

To gain control of email and become more productive and, more importantly, less stressed, treat checking email like making a scheduled phone call.

Don’t even look when you’re notified. 

Schedule a time to check and then and only then, check the mail. 

You decide on how many times and at what part of the day you want to “schedule” an email check based on your work, your energy level and other things you need to do. 

Then, divide emails into two categories – the one’s you can answer quickly and the ones that need further thought.  Then schedule it for a later response. 

Put a hold on immediate email notifications.

Stress and anxiety are big issues in our lives today.  One way to make a dent in stressors is to take control of the great interrupter called email by using these hints to stop the addiction. 

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Why do we tend to think of leaders as being cheerleaders – loud, strong-willed, imposing figures?

The awesome quality of a real leader is the exact opposite.

Instill calm and build confidence in those around them.

Proud not loud.

Reassuring not rescuing.

Whenever a team works, a real leader is building confidence and keeping everyone focused.

Where a family works, the parents are constantly reassuring children of their ability to deal with life’s ups and downs and not protecting them from it.

A leader is one who succeeds by believing not cheerleading.

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You can’t expect to outsource self-confidence by looking for it elsewhere.

It starts from within.

Most of us spend a lifetime learning how to doubt ourselves and when we look to others for the confidence we don’t have, it doesn’t work.

Believe in you.

Never look to others for that which you don’t have.

Erase a lifetime of doubt by retraining your brain to believe in you. 

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A big ego is a substitute for confidence.

Confident people have no need to brag or enhance their perceived abilities.

Working with these people can be a challenge.

It can make a job you love miserable.

Never feed a big ego even to gain acceptance at work – it encourages more of the same behavior you don’t like. 

Avoid fighting a big ego – it will only make them push harder to prevail.

The only way around a troubling big ego is to ignore it – let the words go through your ears without reacting one way or the other.

There is no cure for an egotistical person.

But there is a remedy for those who have to suffer fools like this.

Don’t let them push your buttons.

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80% of those who set a goal fail to finish it.

No doubt they had good intentions.

But what’s different with the 20% who finish their goal?

They have a plan.

They adjust the plan on an ongoing basis to make it better. 

They see the final prize vividly in their mind’s eye in a way that is so compelling that they can taste it (i.e., money is a weak goal, what money buys that you desire is stronger). 

A goal is a dream that will never come true without a plan for success.

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There is only so much pressure we can handle in a world that is connected by a digital device in our hand or on our person.

There is our anxiety and then there is the anxiety caused by those around us.

Anxiety is like the flu – except we recover from the flu.

The more anxiety we are exposed to, the more we get worn down.

Think about it – when do we ever wake up and say “I feel so relaxed and stress free” even as those around us give us more of their anxiety.

Filter out the anxiety caused by others – say, no more, I can only handle the stress I am dealing with.

Put fear in its place – the number one cause of anxiety is fear of something happening or not happening.  Put a stop loss on fear because in reality 99% of what we fear never actually happens.

Stress-free living begins when you say no to the anxiety that those around you generate.

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And when you feel afraid, love one another
When you’ve lost your way, love one another
When you’re all alone, love one another
When you’re far from home, love one another
When you’re down and out, love one another
All your hope’s run out, love one another
When you need a friend, love one another
When you’re near the end, love
We got to love, we got to love one another

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free

Songwriters: John Wilcox / Kasim Sulton / Roger Powell / Todd Rundgren
Love Is The Answer lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

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We’re all living too fast – slow it down.

Taking on too many burdens – own up to your limitations.

Trying too hard to please others.

Looking past the person you see in the mirror every day, that beautiful, special human being.

Letting our digital devices steal our life instead of be the wonderful tool that we absolutely can control.

Do less of all of this.

Then love yourself and one another.

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Why do we get stuck on going nowhere?

Not advancing our careers, shaking up our relationships and tolerating things we know in our hearts will not make us happy.

It’s the fear of losing something that we’ve become accustomed to even if we’re losing something that is not making us happier or richer.

Fear of losing what is hurting us – sounds insane, except we know it’s true.

Getting unstuck is like a rubber band.

The more we stretch it, the bigger it gets.

If we pop it, just grab another one and start over.

Pushing and pulling ourselves off of what we accept as normal is the first and most effective way to get unstuck.

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Betting on you is the sure thing.

So why don’t we do it more?

Other voices make us question our confidence, vision and ability.

We let negativity drown out our dreams and desires.

Too young to succeed, too old to make it happen.

It is as if we can’t follow our dreams and hold down a job at the same time.

Betting against people is a fool’s bet.

Think of your contemporaries in high school and college who never impressed you until they went on to do something impressive.  And the ones who were “most likely to” often fizzled.

Doubt is always overcome by desire.

Never let anyone question your desire.

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I don’t want to be respected by people I don’t respect.

I won’t look up to those who look down on me or others.

Respect starts in the mirror.

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Why are we so hard on ourselves?

That’s when people give up and when they do this enough they become defeated.

Take a vow to lay off criticizing yourself.

Can’t stop?  Then at least promise to think of something you do very well every time you focus on what is wrong.

Stop relying on other people to buck you up.  Our happiness is in our hands not outsourced to someone else who we may blame later.

I am a hard worker. 

I care about people. 

I am dependable. 

I am the exact person I would go to if I needed a friendly ear.

As fallible as I am, I am awesome because I always care. 

Negative talk from our own mouths is what bums us.

Change the tune and get a lift.

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Help someone else get what they want first.

No one is more motivated to help you than the person you have already assisted.

If you want a promotion, help the boss get recognized, rewarded or promoted – most (but admittedly not all) bosses will know where the extra juice came from. 

If something means the world to you, can you name what means the world to the person who can help you get it? 

The road to satisfaction always passes through the lives of someone else first. 

You can usually get what you want if you sincerely can help the person who can give you what you want.

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Golfers who hit their ball off the fairway into the rough or beyond often start searching for it further away than it fell.

Golfers are wishful thinkers.

And they’re stubborn.

They keep looking for their ball in the spot that is way beyond where it actually landed.

That’s why you’ll often see them only resort to walking back to keep searching.

Everywhere else, why do we assume that whatever we’ve done is quite good enough – didn’t advance as far as we like?

What helps us the next time is how high or far we are willing to aim this time.

Optimism begins when pessimism is eliminated from our lives.

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More than 50% of Americans say they are overstretched, anxious or experiencing toxic stress that affects their health and happiness.

Cutting stress is like a diet – it may work for a while and then the stress returns.

Here’s how to get stress under control by changing the way you look at it.

Focus on only one thing at a time – yes, do not multitask, you pay a high price for efficiency gained by becoming more distracted.

Prioritize all day long – right now, what’s the most important thing you need to do? In a minute or an hour that may change so reshuffle priorities to wind up with the one thing to work on next.

Put all worries, concerns or fears in the back of your mind and deal with them at a time later in the day when you’re not under the gun.

Feel free to let others know when you have reached maximum stress level not by complaining but by asking for help.  Example:  Can I have an extra day to work on this project or does it need to be done now.  Often the next day will be agreeable.

And the big cure for being overwhelmed …

Actually slow down – the slower you go, the faster you accomplish things the first time. 

And pat yourself on the back when you’ve been able to shed the anxiety that living in a fast-paced world brings us.

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What is it with people who feel good when they leave others out?

With social media, it doesn’t even take courage – just a few ill-considered taps on the phone.

Being left out hurts and requires strength of character from which to rebound.

Say things like this …

When I am feeling badly about being left out or not included in some way, I am going to reach out to someone else and include them.  

The difference between being hurt and being angry is hurt will pass, angry will either make you someone you don’t want to be or eat at you.

Love yourself.  People who do are also loved by others. Those of us who get needy become vulnerable to hurtful people.

Distance yourself from people who abandon you — no good can come from it.

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You can’t dictate when that will be, but you can say when your quest is to begin.

Do you have a dream?  Can you name it?

What?

Only one?

In your career, what do you see yourself doing to gain rich fulfillment and success?

In your personal life, what is the dream for you and the special people in your lives?

What is your God-given gift – are you going to pursue it or just walk around knowing what it is? 

A few weeks ago I mentioned the importance of a dream and a scheme – a plan to advance you toward that which will ultimately bring you satisfaction.

More money is not a dream.

Becoming more powerful is lust not self-satisfaction. 

Trying to be liked by all, a fool’s errand.

Your dream is something only you know and the moment you identify it, acknowledge it and safeguard it from the negativity of others, will you be on your way to realizing it.

Not if – but in a matter of time which begins today.

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