There’s nothing that can be done to make a person care about a project, a person or anything if they are not already motivated to do it.

Spend your efforts on that which you care about and the people who matter to you the most.

When it is critical to win the cooperation of others, find their hot button but don’t confuse it for how you may feel.

We spend too much of our time trying to change people and that is a dead-end strategy.

Often in trying to wake up others we loser some of our own enthusiasm.

Let your enthusiasm carry the day.

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Doubts are normal, we’re human.

If you won’t believe in yourself – in your ability to do it – you can’t expect anyone else to give you the chance.

Assume success not failure every time.

If you fail, assume success the very next time as a result of what you learned.

If you doubt, you’re out.   

If you believe you can win, you’re in. 

Never outsource your need for a confidence boost to someone else – it’s your job, not theirs. 

Trying is a virtue that means you win even when things don’t go exactly the way you want. 

The difference between a success and failure lies between your two ears.

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There are over 1,000 of them listed on LinkedIn’s website according to an article in The Independent.

Execs with the sole focus of making and keeping employees happy.

We’re beginning to learn that the way we feel at work is more important than all the perks some companies offer.

Some companies spend what costs out to be over $10,000 a person in physical perks but words are more effective.

Praise and reward over finding fault.

Flexibility to find balance between work and personal life.

The way you talk to people turns out to be more important than any other perk or consideration.

The British reformer John Ruskin had it right over 150 years ago:

“In order that people may be happy at work, these three things are needed: they must be fit for it, they must not do too much of it, and they must have a sense of success in it.”

There can also be a Chief Happiness Officer at home to make sure the family not only has the best you can afford but can feel valued in a way that has nothing to do with money.

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First instinct might be to hit back.

Then the insulter wins on a TKO.

Don’t react under any circumstance.

Insulting people are button pushers.  They will keep trying until they can get a rise out of you.

Cut off their oxygen.

There can be no insults if you won’t stand for any of it.  And if they said something that lit your fire, spend your time putting out that fire and putting distance between you and the person who is hurling insults your way.

Permanently avoid people who won’t stop insulting you.

If you won’t stop the abuse, no one else will or can.

Avoid firing a zinger back.

Your satisfaction will be short lived and you will become more like the person you dislike instead of the one you want to be.

Fix the damage.

It is more important to undo the damage from a hurtful remark or barrage then it is to insult the other person back.

Without oxygen, the insulting person will have to find someone else to pick on because it won’t take long for them to realize you’re not going for the bait.

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The reason so many meetings go off the tracks so quickly is because participants are lucky to contribute one idea let alone two.

And how that idea is received has a lot to do with whether others in the group will contribute or whether you will dig deeper to offer a third or a fourth.

Brainstorming experts know this which is why they welcome all ideas – even seemingly bad ones, odd and funny ones – because the real nectar comes from getting to the seventh or 11^thor whatever it takes.

But the same is true of when we tackle problems personally.

The best solution is rarely the first one we come up with.

Pause, reload – try a second.

No benefit of rushing to judgment.

In solving problems, you can’t come up with the best idea until you’ve been able to exhaust all your ideas.

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What are you for?

Not what are you against.

The world now is a constant restatement of what people are against followed by a criticism of the person who said it.

If we keep up like this whether it’s caused by politics or social networking, we’re going to be very unhappy.

Living in a world where we lead with what we’re against or don’t like, the fix for it is to become more proactive about saying what you’re for.

Don’t like someone’s politics, what is yourview?

Social media making you nuts because it is forcing people into accepting new norms or correctness because they are popular and/or spreading rapidly?

Take your stand independent of reacting to others.

Reacting never works.

Responding produces better outcomes.

Listen. 

Respond, don’t react. 

Stand by what you are for even more than what you are against.

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Isn’t joy really what we live for?

Studies show the average American working couple is happiest when they together earn $70,000 annually and even a little more does not make them happier and a lot more makes them – are you ready – unhappier.

How could that be?

The worst kept secret is that money can’t buy happiness.

But happiness is so vague.

Drill down on the word.

It’s joy that makes life worth living and even in hard times there are always things that bring us joy.

Except …

We humans just move on to the next problem.

Suggestion:  don’t postpone joy.

Spend time with it whether what brings joy is major or something minor.

Nothing else is required.

Do not postpone joy.

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Sadness is okay.  It means we’re human.

Even depression is survivable as long as we continue to get up each morning and deal with the problems that face us.

There are more books on happiness and more on depression than ever before.

Why is that?

Today’s world is fast and furious.

Courtesy and civility seem as if they are not valued.  Dale Carnegie is not only turning over in his grave but spinning.

We are constantly in touch with something – anything – everything at our fingertips.

Alone time is hard to find and when we get it, a phone should not be invited.

People who walk, run, get outside with nature alone often appreciate themselves more and those around them.

Here’s where it’s good to be selfish.

Value alone time and use it not just with some form of entertainment to keep you busy but to do nothing but think, be grateful and thankful for all your problems.

As I’ve mentioned before, when I gave each of my Dale Carnegie students a card to list their three biggest problems anonymously, after trading cards they wanted their own problems back.

We may not love everything about our lives, but it is our life.

Getting in touch with yourself without distractions even in our busy connected world really helps to keep things in perspective.

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When people text you too much and you’d rather talk …

Or when they talk too much and you’d like to text every once in a while …

Or when you work for someone you don’t admire and find yourself becoming more like that person in little ways …

Or when you don’t have dinner together but miss being a family at least once a day …

When multitasking becomes more important than accomplishing something you’re really proud of …

And making money no longer satiates you …

And life seems to be passing you by without providing the joy that you miss …

Take back your life because just knowing the problem means you can begin to solve it.

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For some reason we keep looking for major ways to change ourselves when a little fine-tuning would go a long way.

Sometimes all that is needed to be more successful and happier is to stretch yourself.

Try harder to be a good listener – the results will always be better than not trying and you won’t need a course on listening.

Give away your decision-making power every once in a while, and chip away at tendencies to be a control freak.  

Once a day give credit to someone else using a specific example of what they did right and you’ll work on any jealous tendencies you might have.

Then, see if you can give credit to someone else in front of other people. 

For everything you criticize yourself for insist on balancing that with something you did well and the self-esteem results will be fast and palpable.

Take control of your phone and let it work for you not deprive you of human interaction or precious alone time to reap all the advantages with fewer disadvantages.

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Don’t screw this up.

If you can’t decide, let me know and I can help.

You’re always late. 

The key to motivating another person is to give them a reputation to live up to – not to live down.

Remember when you did this for me in record time a year ago?

You always exceed my expectations.

I thought about this and decided that of everyone I could have asked, you’re the person to get the job done.

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69% of a recent SureCall study says smartphone users check their phones while using the toilet (59% do it daily – check the phone in the bathroom, that is).

75% sleep with the phone on or near the bed.

These people were more likely to say they are sad.

10% check their phones during sex (43% said they checked the phone while having relations two to ten times in the past year).

Our children are wearing us down and negotiating more access to something that also has a detrimental side.

Schools are helping because iPads are a teaching aid that saves on book expenses for local municipalities.

Phones are tools to bring us information, entertainment and connectivity.

When they become our lives, a good place to start reeling it in is now.

In the past week I have taken the advice of a former Google code writer who says the main goal of app makers is to serve more and more ads.

That advice?

Use only the first two screens on your phone for apps that do not require a lot of attention – WAZE, Uber, weather, etc. not social media.

Apps requiring attention – also known as black holes like social media apps, news, YouTube – should be in a folder the way we put liquor in a cabinet so that when we open it, we know exactly what we are going to get and don’t abuse it.

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Purposeful > Positive > Progression

Purposeful – Is what we’re trying to accomplish a goal or busy work?  Do we know the reason for wanting to achieve this goal?

Positive – Will this work end in something good that has been achieved?

Progression – Are we moving step by step toward completing our goal?

Often, the things we want to accomplish are more than a short task on a list.

It has to be broken down into steps that eventually arrive at the completion of a goal.

Failure to accomplish that which we set out to do no matter how passionate we are at the beginning is because the work is so encompassing that we don’t have the time to do it all at once or in large chunks.

Successful people get on the right track and then devise a plan to chip away at what needs to be done to reach success.

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Fear of failure is only half the problem.

Fear of succeeding keeps us from trying and from committing to never give up.

Success brings with it certain responsibilities that require solid self-esteem.

When we don’t believe in ourselves, we fear the success that is within reach.

We succeed more than we fail (keep a log of big things and small and confirm it).

What scares us is something new. 

To overcome that fear, go back and recall all the things you never thought you could accomplish and did.  They don’t have to be similar to the current challenge facing you.

Fear of failure is real – worrying about messing up.

Fear of success is prevalent more than we’d like to think – lacking the confidence to allow ourselves to even have the dream.

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The term “own it” doesn’t just mean owning up to shortcomings and missteps.

Own your personality quirks and all — it is as unique as your fingerprints. 

Own the moment – it’s always your decision to focus on now or get lost in the black hole of digital life.

Own up – admit mistakes quickly and clearly. 

Own your opinions – they are always available to be modified but never to be ignored or hijacked by someone with power over you.

Own your happiness – your happiness cannot be outsourced to another person or a more favorable circumstance.

It’s not always what’s wrong with you but what’s right.

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Every once in a while let someone else make the decision without any input or coercion.

You will live and get by just fine.

But they will come alive and be so grateful that you will wonder why you didn’t share power sooner.

In meetings.

In relationships – especially in relationships – for big decisions and small.  The more you trust another, the more it comes back to you in trust.

This doesn’t mean not caring.

It means empowering others and ironically empowering you.

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If we cannot believe in ourselves and love ourselves generously, we cannot leave it to someone else and expect vigorous self-confidence.

You are always right even when you’re wrong and by that I mean being strong enough to forge your own way and take responsibility for decisions even if they don’t work out.

Don’t let someone else live your life today.  We wouldn’t let someone else paint a picture we were working on, but we allow others to paint their version of our lives and wind up regretting it later.

The one relationship that matters most is what you think of yourself.

When you allow someone else to complete you as a person for things you may be lacking, you are giving away your free will.

No one gets to make your decisions and own them even if – and especially if – they wind up becoming learning opportunities rather than successes.

Adopt this unbreakable rule:  never doubt yourself, never put yourself down, never tolerate another person doing either one of these things.

Believing in yourself in 90% attitude and 10% reacting to success.

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There are friends and then there are friends.

Friends never have to remember to stay in touch, it happens automatically.

Friends don’t judge. 

They are never jealous. 

They handle their relationship like it is perishable because friendship is. 

Friends listen more than they speak. 

And they are always available. 

A text message is not a conversation because you cannot hear joy, sadness or fear. 

A social network is not a conversation.

I have seen endless posts by people with broken hearts publicly sharing their grief but friendship is when your main skill is to just be there for them.

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Be a good listener.

And don’t worry, there are few really innate good listeners around.

I know only a few but they are really good.  Some have the natural ability and others acquired their skills.

In the broadcasting business where I have resided, we talk a lot and could listen more.

That’s a good first step.

Then, be able to recap conversations after you hear them to see if you can recall what the other person said.

And finally, be able to do that recap to the person you were listening to and when they confirm you got it right, you have become a great listener.

A lot of what ails us in this world is our collective inability to let the other person speak while we take mental notes.

In a self-absorbed world, the individual who can master this skill will achieve both career success and personal happiness.

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1. Pick from multiple choices.  Choosing the thing, person or job you like the best based on feeling alone should be a red flag.
2. All good decisions in time.  There is often a correlation between how fast decisions are made and how good the decisions are.
3. Avoid outsourcing your decisions to someone else (a person who is pressuring you or one you feel would make a better choice).  People who fear decision making often allow others to decide for them.
4. Remember the Ted Williams rule.  Arguably the greatest hitter in baseball who once batted over .400 in a season still failed to reach base 60% of the time.  Making good decisions is a process not a guarantee that every decision will be perfect.  If one of the best hitters in baseball succeeded only 40% of the time and most players not even that, set more realistic goals.
5. Learn from the bad decisions because unfortunately too many of us repeat the same mistakes.

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