In my NYU classes, I don’t dictate “turn your phones off”.

What seems to work better for the students and the professor is to ask “how do we want to deal with our phones”.

I explain what I need – their attention.

They usually say they would like to be able to use their phones (to text not call) if something is important to which I say “I’ll respect your right to walk out in the hall if you need to”.

By setting ground rules that are specific to everyone involved (they differ with each group), all of us have a stake in what we’ve decided.

Sound like a plan for home, work or elsewhere where the phone has become life not a lifeline?

99% of what you fear will never happen, it’s true.

The 1% of the time when it does, your fear rarely if ever is the way you obsessed about it making even 1% too much to devote to worry. 

Staying busy reduces fear. 

Focusing on others helps us forget at least for a time that which is bothering us.

Worry is like an onion — it comes in layers and often brings tears to your eyes. 

And if all that fails, remember that it is a scientific fact that the brain can be trained to reduce anxiety but to do that you will have to begin creating new anti-worry habits.

How are we expected to reduce stress and fear and worry when even trying to rein them in is fraught with even more anxiety?

You just can’t deal with anxiety by becoming more anxious.

Ironically, slowing down is more of a positive force.

Sometimes it is not necessarily what we are doing to make ourselves so stressed as much as it is the number of things we take on.

Slowing the pace directly answers that problem.

I’m reading Tiny Habits:  The Small Changes That Change Everything by BJ Fogg.

For example, the more motivated you are to do a behavior, the more likely you are to do the behavior.

The harder a behavior is to do, the less likely you are to do it.

The easier a behavior is to do, the more likely the behavior will become habit.

Motivation and ability work together like teammates.

This is the reason we pick easier things to do even when they are less important.

Change takes place in small, incremental steps and being aware of it gives you the advantage.

Why does happiness seem so elusive?

Sometimes looking at the big picture distracts from observing the things you already have.

Health, family, friends, a job – all of which we seem to appreciate more when we lose them.

So the drill is – look for the good in what you have and you’ll have more good days and the challenging ones will be more bearable.

This is the mindset of a person not looking for paybacks and not expecting them.

Doing good is enough.

Good karma comes back as good and bad as bad.

While you’re not always rewarded immediately after doing good things for others, the payoff always arrives.

Total happiness can be a long wait.

If you’ve ever known anyone driven to achieve their biggest dream, you have witnessed the painful life of a person who puts everything else on hold while they plow forward.

Big dreams are fine.

It’s the little things that also inspire happiness along the way – things that may be ignored in your quest for the dream and may happen when you’re busy doing something else.

As the author Harold Kushner says, “Happiness is a butterfly – the more you chase it, the more it flies away from you and hides.  But, stop chasing it, put away your net and busy yourself with other, more productive things than the pursuit of personal happiness, and it will sneak up on you from behind and perch on your shoulder”.

Do you know what I mean?

Does that make sense? 

We need to have a conversation.

When people don’t listen, they make it impossible to communicate.

Asking if the message got through is no guarantee.

Inviting two-way talk when both are not paying attention is the opposite of communication.

Until you can hear it and say back to the other person accurately there has been no communication.

Ironically, working on listening skills is the secret to effective communication and it has little to do with talking.

Hard driving people are not assured of success and happiness.

Ever work for someone like that (or maybe you are the hard driving kind)?

It’s easy to confuse go-getter with “go, get her”.

Confidence over pep talks. 

Reliability over risk taking.

Consensus over dissention.

Look at it like this:  what kind of person would you like to work for (live with, be friends with).

A hyperactive dynamo might not be your choice.

Once you’ve described that person, be that person.

Change is a funny thing.

Most of us say we want it, maybe even expect it but change is upsetting and we often wind up fearing it.

But “better” is more compelling than “change”.  Who doesn’t want better?

If we see our daily lives as evolving instead of changing, we will become more open to the disruptions that even positive change can bring.

Change is scary.

Remaining the same is dangerous.

Striving for better is how we evolve into the fascinating people we really are.