It’s from Angela Ahrendts the high-powered Apple executive who earlier in her career was told by a random human resources manager that she needed to make changes if she ever wanted to be CEO material.

So Ahrendts went off to meet with a career coach for several days but lasted only a few hours.

Here’s how Ahrendts tells it:

“By lunchtime the first day, I just looked at them and I said, ‘I gotta go. I don’t want to be somebody that I’m not. I like me, and I’ve been pretty successful so far being me and I was raised in a really big family. And, you know, my mom liked me, my friends liked me … I don’t care about a title or a position. You know I have to wake up with me every morning, and I want to be the best version of myself. I don’t want to be this person you’re trying to make me, so I’m really sorry but I have to go.’ So, I left, and literally a month later got the call to become the CEO of Burberry.”

Authentic people are addictive.

People like to work with them and follow their lead.

But to earn your cred, you must genuinely like and accept yourself the way you are to maximize your potential.

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True happiness is when you can appreciate things that you didn’t ask for.

It’s why you will never see a truly happy control freak.

When we get what we want it isn’t long before we don’t want it anymore.

Then we want something else.

Not that some goals and desires aren’t good – just that they aren’t the answer to true happiness that comes from being grateful for that which you have not that which you want.

Be accepting of all the good things that come into your life without having to ask for them.

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Find something nice to tell someone.

We often know many nice things that we never share.

Focus on one.

“It was so nice of you to do that charity walk”

“You didn’t have to do that (thing), it was so nice of you”

“Thanks for spending a few minutes to chat with me.  I know you are busy”

Without sincerity, it would just be manipulation, but when you simply share something nice you have observed about others, they will become appreciative of you.

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38%    Keep their phone in handbag or pocket when meeting people

32%   Turn off audio notifications

27%    Keep their phone in bag or pocket when alone

26%    Delete apps that encourage more use

26%    Turn phone off at night

(Source: Deloitte Global Mobile Consumer Survey)

We check our phones 47 or more times a day

80% check our phones within an hour after arising and going to sleep

85% use a Smartphone even as they talk to family

47% have tried to limit phone usage in the past and 30% have claimed to be successful

All these statistics are fun but the moment we decide to reenter the real world and put phones in their proper place is the time when stress will be reduced and we discover the real meaning of the term smartphones.

The phone isn’t the only thing that has to be smart.

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28-32 for getting married.

Before 32 for having children.

18-19 for processing information.

This from a research study at UIC School of Public Health in Chicago.

The best age is when you realize that life is short and you’re running out of time.

Sometimes it takes the death of a loved one to realize it.

Worries and stress start to decline at age 50 and later years are often most rewarding if good health holds up beyond that.

The perfect age is now.

We cannot relive the past.

Cannot guarantee the future.

The best age is when we arrive at the realization that we need to live in the present and be grateful for it.

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Jerry Del Colliano is the author of Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

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Each day is more precious than the previous day.

To live in the past is to squander the valuable time that remains.

To spend it in the future dreaming of what could be is not assured.

We can learn from the past, relive special moments and rekindle memories of loved ones and looking to the future can help us plan for what might be.

But we must only visit not dwell on the past and future.

The only thing that is guaranteed is living in the present 100% focused on what we are fortunate to have.

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The bible of conflict resolution was written by Morton Deutsch who died last year at the age of 97.

“…coercion, intimidation, deception, distrust and hostility are both causes and effects of competition, whereas assistance, openness, information, sharing, perceived similarity, and friendliness are both causes and effects of cooperation”

That one paragraph summarizes 25 years of research on cooperation and conflict.

To be an expert at conflict resolution whether it be at work or at home, these are what you should be shooting for:

Openness

Information

Sharing

Perceived similarity

Friendliness

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The opposite of working together as teams in lock step is disagreement.

There can be no innovation when we are agreeing with everybody and everyone is agreeing with us.

But there are a few rules:

• Argue as if you’re in a debate instead of a WWE wrestling tournament.
• Sincerely try to see things from the others person’s point of view whether you agree with it or not.
• Respectfully, repeat the main points of the other person’s point of view.  That shows a willingness to listen and may inspire them to do the same with your ideas.
• If you have areas of agreement, state them.  Where you disagree, simply state that as well.

The purpose of expressing different points of view is not to master the other person and get them to think like you (or vice versa).

It is to expose all ideas to the light of day from which the creative process begins.

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It’s one thing when others stand in our way.

It’s something quite different when we are the ones standing in our own way.

Excuses are useless.

No one believes them anyway.

It’s never right to sell yourself short or bet against your chances to succeed.

Self-doubt is self-sabotage.

Finding excuses for not taking chances is an easy way to never begin.

People who are not afraid to fail never make excuses.  They’re busy figuring out how to try again.

Others may doubt you, but you must never doubt yourself.

To do so is to prevent success and guarantee unhappiness.

The best way to ban excuses from your life is to make a commitment to an even higher standard than anyone expects of you.

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Think of it this way.

The more we obsess about the past, what’s happened and can’t be changed or undone, the more of our finite future is wasted.

Talk to a newly separated person and you’re likely to hear them double down on everything bad that is happening.

Some of this is normal, but to continue to waste life in the past is to rob you of your dreams and ambitions. To prevent you from meeting new people and starting new and interesting careers.

Moving on to all the potentially good things the future holds is not a warm and fuzzy feeling at first.

It’s a commitment to stop wasting time on that which cannot be changed.

Learn.

Mourn.

Get it out of your system.

But leave it all where it belongs – in the past where it can no longer hurt your chances of future happiness and fulfillment.

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