Somewhere along the way no turned out to be a dirty word.

But it isn’t. In fact, no is a gift to yourself to stay focused on the life you really want to live.

No more being resentful, overwhelmed or feeling used.

• Never say yes right away – Even if that is your inclination. Bide your time. Think it over. Say you will get back to them even if you’re pressured for an immediate response because being pressured is the way others get us to say yes when we really mean no.
  
• Ask lots of questions – How much time will it take? Why did you choose me? 
• What’s the compelling reason to do it? – Absent a compelling reason that resonates for both parties (not just the other person), you have no reason to acquiesce. 
• After thinking, stick to your decision – Put it in a sentence and keep repeating it every time you’re pressured to reconsider. Example: “After sleeping on it, I realize at this point in my life I cannot commit to that right now”. And if you’re asked 5 times to reconsider, repeat the same simple line 5 more times.
  

You will make more enemies by agreeing to something that your heart’s not in than if you say simply and honestly – sorry, I cannot do it.

It may take practice because so many of us are pleasers or we are afraid to say no, but once you start using the questions above to work through your hidden feelings, no will be an honest answer not a rejection.

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We’re hearing a lot of public apologies lately.  It seems most people are ready to apologize when they’ve been caught doing something wrong.

For the rest of us, apologizing for mistakes can not only save relationships but empower you. 

• Never say IF I offended you, I apologize – It’s not IF, it’s either I did or I didn’t.  Using the word “if” can sound like a cop out on the receiving end. 
• Fix the problem before making the apology – So if you had to cancel an engagement at the last minute wasting the other person’s time, reschedule first and then sincerely apologize for the offense.
• No empty apologies – These are the ones that are made before anything is done to fix or improve the thing that you might have done to offend.

The only reason to withhold an apology is ego.

Apologizing for an indiscretion after you’ve begun taking steps to repair the damage means you are human and sorry enough to start fixing the problem before you just say the words.

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You can’t do every task or project equally which is why we choose the small tasks when we’re in the accomplishing mood.

The secret is to break big tasks and projects into smaller ones — as many as necessary with the goal of completing the entire thing.

You can reserve a meeting room for a team meeting easily enough and check it off the list but planning an entire conference requires many smaller tasks.

Achievers know just working on big tasks will not lead to completing them adequately.  They divide the tasks into smaller tasks and then check them off.

The key to productivity is to do only that which brings you 80% of your goal and not try to do everything.

Multitasking is a waste of time.

When a task is large, divide it up into sub-tasks and attack them one by one.

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When we get what we want, we no longer want it.

And soon we want something else.

A lifetime can be spent pursuing some specific goal or dream, but it doesn’t take long to get used to achieving it and wanting something else – something more.

Be on the lookout for unexpected gifts – things that we may never have thought of had it not been for adversity of luck.

Not getting the job you want often leads to getting something better – unexpected, even in another field.

Pursuing riches can ruin a life when being poor can help define what riches are.  There are a lot of wealthy people who are unhappy because no amount of money guarantees happiness.

Instead of always pushing for what you think you want, try this.

Be open to what comes your way.

That way you won’t miss something that came to you as a gift that you ordinarily would have failed to recognize.

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The Philadelphia Eagles (and former Patriots) defensive end is giving away his entire base salary of $1 million this year to educational charities and causes.

Long is an outstanding football player but even a better person because he is one of the rare few who acts on the premise that money can’t buy happiness.

As I used to tell my aspiring USC students understandably anxious to get going and get rich – all of Los Angeles is filled with psychologists and psychiatrists trying to help people be happy in spite of all the money they have.

This reminds me of a special friend of mine who used to say that you don’t have to be rich to give of yourself.

The most important gift of all is the gift of your time that is certainly worth something and of great value to others.

GoFundMe accounts prove every day how willing people are to give of themselves to help others with their problems, needs and even dreams.

It has been shown that our brains are patterned by the way we think.

The gift of generosity can start today with or without money and it changes at least two lives – yours and someone else’s – if not others.

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Gallup says 79% Americans in a recent survey said they experienced stress frequently (44%) or sometimes (35%) in their daily lives.

Just 17% said they were stressed rarely and a lucky 3% who said never.

59% say they lack the time to do what they want.

That’s in a world with more tools, more devices, more apps designed to make life easier.

Children and work are the reasons.

Women feeling more stressed than men because they still carry disproportionate childrearing workloads although men and women equally think they don’t have enough time to do what they want.

Older people (above 50) feel less stress from childrearing.

Stress is also impacting Millennials in a bigger way than previous generations.  They have high expectations, want to do more, have had fewer employment opportunities and even though they are connected through social media, they are suffering from being too connected and unable or unwilling to separate from their devices.

Balance trumps stress.

There is no such thing as good multi-tasking.

Reclaiming life by disconnecting more from phones and mobile devices is a good start.

And Millennials are beginning to have the conversation about being less connected even as older generations are staying more connected.

Phones are tools not a way of life.

Children are the responsibility of all parents in their lives not predominantly one. 

Saying no is the gift that busy, well-intentioned people should give themselves to reduce stress.

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Angry men from 20-40 in a recent University of Iowa survey were one and a half times more likely to be dead 35 years later than those who are calmer.

But, there is good anger and bad anger.

The bad anger is hurtful to others, striking out at them in frustration and keeps the turmoil boiling to the advantage of no one.

Channeling anger in a positive way to deal with it and to move on is also important because if there is one thing we are learning in our society it is that stress kills and harboring angry feelings is stress.

Loud screaming and yelling is not appropriate.

Saying what bothers you in a clear and honest way is therapeutic.

It is not an invitation for continued abuse but more of a declaration of independence from the kind of stress that eats us alive.

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A picture is worth a thousand words.

Below, is Austin Ardman who died two years ago December 8^th by a texting driver.  His father gave me permission to remind everyone that no message, no call, no fear of missing something is more important than the safety of our most precious assets.

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When bad things happen for some reason they seem far worse than when good things happen often hijacking the way we feel about our lives.

One way to put it all in perspective is to grade your day from 1 to 10 with a happiness score just before you turn in at night.

You may have a lot of 5s but you may have also posted a few high scores and some dreadful low scores.

The point is by looking at your month on a calendar to inspect the scores, you may find that you had two or three awful days and a lot of pretty good ones.

By seeing it this way, it prevents a calamity from making you feel like things are worse than they feel in the scope of a month.

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One absolutely effective way to get along with a difficult person is to find something you have in common and ask the other person about it.

It may be sports, a hobby, interest or a goal.

Difficult people are not just hard on us.  They are hard on themselves and often their own worst enemies.

Step in and start fishing for the one thing you have in common.  They’re not likely going to tell you without you searching.

Keep asking questions until you find something of mutual interest.

Then start asking questions rather than making personal statements.

It’s harder to be difficult when you find something in common.

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