Today show someone that you care.

Show them your humanity.

Get the focus off of you and project it on the needs of others.

Our world is so self-absorbed for many reasons but unfortunately getting what we want does not bring us happiness.

It’s actually the other way around.

Helping others get what they want always brings us happiness.

Help someone pay a bill.

Help someone get what they want while you temporarily pass up an opportunity to have it your way.

Give the gift of your time to someone else even if you’re stressed and have little time to give.

Lift someone else out of depression or a bad mood by being positive and do it by not mentioning the word “I” once.

Listen to someone else’s story without having to then tell one of your own.

Let someone have your way (after all, that’s my definition of diplomacy).

Because when we give away our power even when we don’t feel like it, we are almost always happy we did it.

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Some of us just cannot concentrate on the positive long enough to leave toxic negative thoughts behind.

Ask anyone about their job and you are likely to hear more of what is wrong than what is right.

But here is a very effective way to deal with your faults – real and perceived.

Consider your three biggest faults and make a note of them.

Then, work to eliminate them as many times as you can in a day.

For example, say you want to stop interrupting people, want to be a better friend and not criticize others too much.

Being mindful of these faults, count the number of times in a day that you interrupted someone.  If it is three today and one tomorrow, you can feel the progress.

Want to be a better friend?  Count the number of times in a day that you did things a friend would do – reach out, listen, care.  If at the end of the day that number is zero, then progress has not been made.  But if you texted a friend, spent time listening to their problems, initiated getting together face to face, then you have three successes.

If you hate that you’re so critical of others, count how many times you have been critical of someone else in a given day.  If it was five yesterday and three today, you’re making progress.

People don’t automatically change, or improve or re-invent themselves.

But we do make choices that matter every minute of the day.

To count the progress in a tangible way like this, encourages you to stick to a plan that helps you battle your faults.

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New statistics indicate that the average time spent on Facebook, Instagram and/or Facebook Messenger each day is almost an hour (50 minutes).

That’s almost as much as we spend eating.

Far more than the average person exercising.

Competitive with TV time (over two hours), which skews higher for older people and less for 28-34 year olds.

And Facebook is trying to come up ways to increase the average time people spend on Facebook.

As we become more buried in our screens, something has to be done.

And here it is.

For every minute you spend on Facebook products described above, make sure you spend at least that amount of time being present in real conversations with others.

It’s easy for us to increase our obsessive addiction to social media but it is not fruitful.

So use social media all you like, but balance it off with face-to-face contact with people where you are there in the present and without a mobile device nearby.

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The political pundits were wrong about Donald Trump.

Prognosticator Nate Silver gave him odds that were “higher than 0 but (considerably) less than 20 percent.”

Even Las Vegas bookmakers can’t call the winner of a sporting event all the time.

And I sat on a New Jersey beach last year with a weather radar app on my phone  as a wicked thunderstorm headed right toward me.  By the time I packed my things up, the storm passed to the north although the app showed it hitting us square on.

My point – Never rely on anyone else to tell you the outcome of your life’s story.

When anyone says you can’t – your response should be “watch me”.

In a world fixated on metrics, even Billy Bean can’t win the World Series studying statistics.

Let today be the day when you replace “can’t” with “can” because no one knows it for sure but you.

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“Whether you think you can or you can’t – either way, you’re right” – Henry Ford.

That’s why Napoleon Hill said you can achieve what the mind can conceive and believe.

On the other hand, you can fail because you don’t believe in yourself or your ideas.

It’s not on someone else – it’s on us.

Do we instill in our children the default setting that if you think you can, you most likely can?

Do we practice this ourselves?

When working in toxic workplaces (and many people do in the current economy), are you a sponge soaking up the negativity of those around you or do you believe that once you set your mind to something, you will achieve it – even for bosses who are incompetent on workplaces that are negative.

Back to Henry Ford’s quote.

I have it on my desk where I can see it every day.

Why tie your own hands behind your back when you can free yourself to achieve that which you want to accomplish.

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If you’re like most of us, you’ve tried many things to combat letting fear take ahold of your life.

Here’s an approach you may like because it demystifies fear and worry.

Say you have the fear of being fired or getting a disease that other families members had or fear a broken relationship – think of all the ways these things can happen attacking one issue at a time and what the likely downside would be.

Fear of being fired –  could be out of work a while, financial problems, tighten your belt.

Fear of getting a hereditary disease — it could adversely affect your health temporarily or permanently.

Broken relationship?  Loneliness, embarrassment, discouragement.

There it is – right out there.  No mysterious things lurking in your mind.

Now think of all the things that could happen that may be fortunate or unexpectedly welcomed on the same issue(s).

You could change careers, find a better job, earn more money, be happier.

That family condition might be a temporary challenge that launches you into seeking fitness and even better health.

And for every broken relationship there is an eventual next chance to be the person you want to be and find the best fit for you.

The trick is to confront both the worst-case scenarios and the best-case scenarios not just let them lurk in the shadows of your mind.

Because fear is an unpleasant emotion, it is not an accurate predictor of your future and knowing that can make all the difference.

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There is only one word that can conquer poor self-esteem.

Affirmation.

Saying to yourself what others may not ever say.

I have friends in the entertainment business who can master an audience but feel remarkably insecure about themselves.

You’d think it would be the other way around.

A few thoughts …

Be comfortable in your own shoes.

Think of yourself as a canvas – would you want someone else to paint on your canvas?

Affirm your uniqueness.  Imitating someone else can at the most make you only second best.

And most importantly, do not look to others —  even close friends and family – to affirm who and what you are.

When we let others gain that much control, we often become co-dependent to them.

Never outsource the stuff that solid self-esteem is made of to someone else.

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The best advice ever is NO advice at all.

People don’t want to hear what we would do or how we would solve their problems, they want something else.

Something that advice doesn’t give them.

Inspiration.

Whenever I think rightly or wrongly that anyone wants my advice, I always joke “well, it’s worth exactly what you’re paying for it – nothing”.

All of us want inspiration.

Words that say we can make the right decision.

Words that inspire people to action.

Consolation.

An ear and not a mouth.

My best friend Jim Weinraub always listened, asked questions and inspired confidence that, no matter what, I would be able to deal with the challenges in my life.

Think about it.

Psychologist’s offices are filled with people like us who just want to be heard and encouraged.  They do the least amount of talking.  We do the most.

When someone needs us, give them a healthy dose of inspiration not advice.

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Teaching a classroom of adults about human relations, I asked everyone to write down their 3 biggest problems on a card and put them on a table in front of the room.

They were asked NOT to write their names on the card – only their three biggest problems at that time.

Then I invited everyone in the audience to come forward and randomly pick up a card that was not their own and return to their seats.

They read the three biggest problems of some random person on the cards.

Cancer.

Divorce.

Unemployment.

Family strife.

And worse.

Then I asked the group, “How many of you would like to have your own problems back again?”

As long as I have been doing this exercise, not one person ever wanted to trade their troubles for someone else’s.

The other day when I was struggling with a problem of my own, my wife reminded me of these cards and she said “Remember, you will want you own problems back again”.

The secret to dealing with life’s challenges is knowing that we are uniquely qualified to be the one to deal with them.

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What you don’t know is about the only thing that can hurt you.

It’s what we ruminate about – the thing that for us makes us the most anxious and fearful.

Even though it has been proven that our scariest fears rarely if ever come true.

So overcoming fear is a lesson in first learning what scares you the most.

If you fear being alone, the potential breakup of a relationship can drive you beyond crazy.

If you worry about money, any threat that even remotely has to do with money will own you. 

If you are scared of losing your job either for financial reasons or for the damage it would do to your self-esteem (or both), you will likely not need much to happen at work that would trip you off.

The revelation is that we humans tend to worry about what we’re already worried about either from our families of origin or from life’s experience.

There are endless techniques to deal with worry.

My favorite is to constantly remind myself that the chance of what I fear actually happening is miniscule.

But fears grow in the fertile places of our mind.

Confront the one or two issues that causes us the most anxiety and we can prevent a lot of stress and unhappiness.

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