Life is not only difficult as Scott Peck has written, but it’s becoming darn near impossible to have any time left for yourself.

I was having lunch with a friend the other day at CPK and we both took notice of a mother who had three well-behaved young children sitting with her at her nearby table.

What caught our attention is that all three of them were coloring with crayons.  They were not keeping busy with games on a smartphone as many parents do to distract their children.

Upon leaving my friend walked over and congratulated the mom on helping to set a great example early in life of the importance of balance of digital and interpersonal contact.

But what of OUR lives?

Too busy?

Too connected?

Not enough time to think?

Digital tools are just tools – great ones that none of us want to give up.  But they are not a substitute for living life in the present with other people.

What a wonderful reminder that we wouldn’t eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner without health repercussions and consuming too many screens, too many texts or emails and looking down at our palms too frequently is not a balanced life.

Reward yourself with a real live in the moment “moment” from time to time because you’ve earned it.

No person, no digital device can give you more “you” time until you stand up for you.

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A friend always said, “what a wonderful world this would be if we could choose our own parents” – a suggestion that we take both the good and bad that we inherit from our parents because we have no other choice.

Family heartbreak is among the most devastating of all pain that we feel.

One reason is because of the expectation that relatives are somehow special because they are related to us.

In fact, I know a lot of people – me included – who have had friends that we consider the same as close family because they have earned the right to be family.

On the other side, there are people who may be related who you wouldn’t choose out of a lineup for, say, a brother or sister.

When families have strong bonded relationships among the members it is because of who they are not, not from which family they were born into.

This reminds us to always be the person we want to be and never feel badly if someone who carries our same name or line of parentage disappoints.

It’s not who we’re related to.

It’s how good is the relationship.

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A 1-hour a day increase in playing video games was found to increase math reasoning scores by 9.3% of standard deviation based on a Monash University study in Australia of 3-18 year olds and reported in Harvard Business Review.

That’s the same as spending the same time studying at school or at home.

Video games appear to help young people with their problem solving abilities.

So, parents don’t have to worry as much about video games.

What they need to worry about is anti-social behavior that is on the increase among all ages including adults who bury themselves in their digital devices at the expense of interacting with others.

A digital device is no excuse for being rude, distracted, withdrawn or selfish.

Life is lived in the now not on a screen.

Digital devices are aides to life not a replacement for it.

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For every negative thought that creeps into your mind to eat away at self-esteem, vow to also conjure up a countering positive thought.

15 negative thoughts during the day?

Then you’ll supply 15 countering positive things.

“I’m feeling very anxious.  I can’t get on that airplane” is balanced with “I flew 3 times last year and I did it”.

“I’m going to get fired” balanced with “I was picked out of all other candidates to get this job”.

“He or she is going to leave me” replaced with “I am very lovable”.

Bad things happen but the fear of bad things is what kills us and obliterates our self-esteem.

You know people who do this.

You may be one of them.

We all carry around negative thoughts and the more we let them occupy our minds unanswered, the more they define us and create further anxiety.

In the end, whatever you fear, you have probably already dealt with successfully in one way or another.

My favorite mantra is:  “I’ve done it before and I can do it again”.

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Do a Google search for fat shaming and 243,000 items will come up.

Haters tried to body shame Iggy Azalea so she shut down her Twitter account.

The best response I have seen lately is from the talented and beautiful singer Kelly Clarkson.

A British newspaper columnist said about Clarkson “Jesus, what happened to Kelly Clarkson? Did she eat all of her backing singers? Happily I have wide-screen”.

Clarkson when confronted with these public insults was unaware of them but added that the columnist didn’t know her.

But her response was textbook:  “I’ve just never cared what people think. It’s more if I’m happy and I’m confident and feeling good, that’s always been my thing. And more so now, since having a family — I don’t seek out any other acceptance.”

Body shaming of any kind is not acceptable in our world.

The best defense is to dismiss haters and stand up for yourself just the way you are.

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Every day for a month, think of one thing you like about yourself.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing – just something different every day.

The process of doing this will begin to change patterns in the brain that bog us down with undue negativity.

The human mind left to wander will always focus on what’s wrong instead of what is right. It may go back to our hunter/gatherer days where danger doomed constantly but in modern society, the threats have changed from physical ones to psychological ones.

Jot down the one thing you like about yourself each day on a piece of paper or on your favorite digital device.

After 31 days you’ll be impressed about two things.

That you’re training yourself to look for positive things about you – not just thinking about it.

And how fine a person you are just the way you are – Mister Rogers was right.

To put an end to negative thinking and poor self-esteem, train yourself to find one thing each day that makes you proud to be you.

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Did you hear about the two Tennessee girl’s basketball coaches who encouraged their teams to lose.

Hey, the Philadelphia 76ers among other pro basketball teams are being accused of the same thing, but high school girls?

Each teams incentive to lose was getting placed on the other side of the playoff bracket from a powerhouse school.  This so-called bracketology approach was pointed out by the coaches to the girls and apparently they got the message.

You’ve got to look at these two videos, you won’t believe it.

The girls intentionally missed 12 of 16 free throws.  The refs had enough when one girl was going to intentionally shoot at the wrong basket.

Fortunately, both teams were subsequently disqualified from the playoffs because of these shenanigans.

When did playing to win get to be not enough?

When did teaching impressionable young people to throw a game become acceptable?

Trying is winning.

Playing harder is winning.

Overcoming adversity is winning.

Knowing how to lose is rehearsing how to win tomorrow.

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As a child, I ran when someone came at me with a camera (maybe I felt I didn’t want to break it, eh?).

Because of technology I have so many pictures on my digital devices and on the cloud that I can hardly remember life without taking photos all day.

February 25^th – the date of what would have been my father’s birthday – I wished that I had as many videos and pictures as I do of myself and other things that don’t matter as much.  My wife never met him.  It seems that by today’s standards, I hardly have enough pictures and videos to show her.  My dad and I both had dimples in our chin.  Oh well …

Vivid memories.

Photos are never bad – they are usually happy reminders.  I don’t think we can ever have too many, what about you?

Living in the present and not being on the lookout for our next Instagram moment is the one danger we must be aware of because in pursing the next social photo, we run the risk of not enjoying the moment and soaking it in.

Like life, it’s a balance.

My iPhone 6 has the second best camera that I’ve ever carried around.

The best is my imagination, which also records visions that are attached to feelings, and which can be as vividly recalled as a photo.

To take photos mindful of experiencing each vivid moment in real time – that’s my goal.

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Maybe it’s because of social media but does it seem that there are more haters than ever before?

If so, you’re not alone.

A hater wants to knock a person down.

They cannot find it in their hearts to be happy for a person so they find public ways to explore a flaw in that person.

Often these haters are people you never really think about.  It’s bad enough for older people but it is maddening for teens and young people.

So here is a secret for shutting haters down.

Give it 24 hours and do not react.

If you respond even once, you feed the monster.

This is why some battles go on for years because the parties never stop reacting to each other.

If it bothers you that what a hater says or does reflects on you, take some solace in the fact that most people are on to haters thanks to our social media connectivity.  So there is probably no need to defend yourself and bring on more hatred.

Never let anyone program what you think of yourself.  Your head is off limits to others.  Only you are allowed in to your head.

Hit delete on haters.

Or as Taylor Swift advises – shake it off.

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate


Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake


Shake it off

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A dream is a cherished aspiration or ideal.

A dreamer is a person with hope.

A schemer is one who actively or passively discourages someone’s dream.

When we are driven by our dreams, good things happen.

When we abandon them, something seems to be missing.

No person should ever discourage another’s dream.

Every dream is worth pursing.

Once, when speaking to a group of college students, a young man stood up and said that he wanted to be a musician but his father discouraged him saying it was a pipe dream.  He asked, “When do you know to move on from a dream?”

My response:  You will know if you listen to yourself.  Sometimes we never abandon our dreams and hopes.  And sometimes, we let them go when are ready.

In any case, we are always better off for having desired that which sometimes seems so unattainable.

What is life without great hope?

Let us vow to never let go of our dreams before we’re ready and never utter a word of discouragement to others who look to all that is possible in life.

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